Outraged wedding guest - am I wrong to be offended?

debtdesperado · 4 December 2009 at 11:40AM

I just received an email, sent to all the wedding guests who attended the recent wedding of a friend (at great expense - a train fare there, outfit, hotel bill for overnight stay, everyone had to pay for own drinks at the wedding, train fare back, expensive hen weekend etc, not forgetting the wedding present)... which told everyone how we could buy (expensive) copies of their wedding photos, with this paragraph tacked on the end:

"Also, in lieu of receiving our thank you cards, we would like to thank everyone for the lovely cards and gifts that people bought for us - we had a lot of fun opening everything and much appreciate everyone's generosity and kindness and best wishes for our married life together."

Am I the only one who thinks it's really rude that she can't be bothered to write a proper thank you card? :mad:

madmumof2 · 4 December 2009 at 12:07PM

Tbh I don't think that's rude. Some people don't send thank you cards out at all. I'm not sure I will as I'm having the money poem thing so we get cash or vouchers rather than presents (we already have everything) so will thank them at the time. To be it would be rude to send a card saying 'thanks for the cash'! lol

I know it's different as you actually bought the gift, but they still said thank you, does it matter if it's in an email or a card, which will cost them even more money when they've probably spent a fortune on the wedding? One more expense that's not really necessary.

superfran_uk · 4 December 2009 at 12:16PM

I wouldn't be offended, after all you did those things because you wanted to, not because of the gratitude you thought you would receive.

Caroline73_2 · 4 December 2009 at 12:26PM

debtdesperado wrote: »

I just received an email, sent to all the wedding guests who attended the recent wedding of a friend (at great expense - a train fare there, outfit, hotel bill for overnight stay, everyone had to pay for own drinks at the wedding, train fare back, expensive hen weekend etc, not forgetting the wedding present)... which told everyone how we could buy (expensive) copies of their wedding photos, with this paragraph tacked on the end:

"Also, in lieu of receiving our thank you cards, we would like to thank everyone for the lovely cards and gifts that people bought for us - we had a lot of fun opening everything and much appreciate everyone's generosity and kindness and best wishes for our married life together."

Am I the only one who thinks it's really rude that she can't be bothered to write a proper thank you card? :mad:

Surely chose to do all of things to celebrate your friends marriage?

Cards are an unnecessary expense and not very environmentally friendly. You got thanked via email, and presumably during the hen and wedding, you got thanked for coming?

Kildare · 4 December 2009 at 12:46PM

debtdesperado wrote: »

"Also, in lieu of receiving our thank you cards, we would like to thank everyone for the lovely cards and gifts that people bought for us - we had a lot of fun opening everything and much appreciate everyone's generosity and kindness and best wishes for our married life together."

Am I the only one who thinks it's really rude that she can't be bothered to write a proper thank you card? :mad:

If that was the total content of the email thank you I think its a bit rude. I have received a thank you by email before and it was for a gift voucher (bride & groom wanted John Lewis vouchers so they could kit out their house). They sent a lovely long email letter detailing how they had a good time at the wedding, a bit about their honeymoon and then that they were going to put all the vouchers together and buy an expensive bed for their new house.

I think if done correctly an email thank you is fine, but if that's the total thank you message it isn't really good enough. We do go to weddings to celebrate our friends but it doesn't take much effort to show that our being there was appreciated. Perhaps seperate emails to everyone thanking them for their specific gift would have been better :cool:

debtdesperado · 4 December 2009 at 1:10PM

I think maybe I'm just overly grouchy... I spent 9 months out of work earlier this year and really begrudged all the expense of attending weddings (I had three in one month), when I am still paying off mortgage arrears.

I'm definitely weddinged out... and fed up of greedy brides who have a huge wedding list of stuff that will just sit in a cupboard unused. Another of the weddings I went to, the bride has told me that they have hired a storage unit for their wedding gifts, as they don't fit in their flat and don't need them at the moment (eg they already have all the house stuff they would ever need)...

foxxymynx · 4 December 2009 at 1:15PM

Yes, you are wrong to be offended!

I appriciate that the email isn't personalised, but your post implies that you did everything for the gratitude that you expected. They would have paid for your food at upto £60pp per meal, amoung other things, why should they have paid for your drinks too? It could be that they intend on sending out Thank You cards, but they'll take a while to come. The photographs, - do you expect for them to give costly copies away to everyone? I know that I would like the opertunity to purchase and view photographs of someone that I'm close to.

OK, email isn't the perfect way to thank someone, but it's not a big deal.

superfran_uk · 4 December 2009 at 1:52PM

If one of my guests complained to me after I'd splashed out upwards of £100 per couple just on food and booze let alone everything else, I'd tell them to jog on!! I am not having a wedding list, so I have to assume that anything that someone gives me is something they want to give. There are no laws saying you have to buy something off the list - I never have.

Jokaty82 · 4 December 2009 at 1:58PM

I think you are getting in a tizz over nothing. One of my best friends recently got married. Probably paid around £600 for everything all in all. She hasn't sent cards out, don't know if she is planning to. Its just one of the things we do for our friends, and am sure they would return the favour. I didn't have to buy her a gift, a wedding list is there if you want to. Not a must have for you to attend the wedding.

Like others have said, what would you have done with the card? In this day and age we should be more environmentally friendly. I am sure she thanked you at the time. When we receive gifts for birthdays/xmas we dont all send out thank you cards.

[Deleted User] · 4 December 2009 at 2:08PM

If I give a wedding present, normal etiquette expects that a thank you card be sent - not a bulk email. What next, a text message?

If the thank you is delivered by email, it should be addressed to you and worded appropriately.

Where the hell have manners and etiquette gone?

frannyann · 4 December 2009 at 3:46PM

superfran_uk wrote: »

If one of my guests complained to me after I'd splashed out upwards of £100 per couple just on food and booze let alone everything else, I'd tell them to jog on!! I am not having a wedding list, so I have to assume that anything that someone gives me is something they want to give. There are no laws saying you have to buy something off the list - I never have.

Nope not having a wedding list either and its costing me £70 per person, please don't expect to me write cards thanking you for turning up! I won't remember to finish them, so half will get them and then half 6 months later. Luckily I am inviting close friends and family only, who know what I am like and expect no less from me :rotfl::rotfl:

Outraged wedding guest - am I wrong to be offended?

Comments

Confirm your email address to Create Threads and Reply

🚀 Getting Started

Categories

Is this how you want to be seen?

Get our FREE Weekly email full of deals & guides - and it’s spam-free