Please Help.. Don't know what to do anymore

bestpud · 20 March 2009 at 8:01PM

Silly moo - probably.

Shallow and more than a bit immature - definitely!

Let him go; he sounds as though he deserves someone who won't judge him for his looks, nor for being different to them.

And FWIW, I agree with Bitsy Beans - trust and loyalty do not increase with the number of friends you have.

I think you can tell a lot about a person by looking at their friends, but that doesn't mean doing a head count; it means looking at the sort of people they are.

Seriously, move on and find yourself some nice big hunk of a bloke with loads of mates, and you are guaranteed to live happily ever after if that such a sure sign of a good person! :rolleyes:

Let's hope he doesn't have more mates than you though, or he may think you are dull...

Zazen999 · 20 March 2009 at 8:19PM

Some people are extraverts, some are introverts. There's nothing wrong with either. It sounds like he is introverted.

If you don't find him attractive any more, then you don't.

Would you find him more attractive, honestly, if he rolled in at 3 in the morning, worse for wear, messing up the kitchen and wanting a bit of nookie?

rosepink1984 · 20 March 2009 at 8:39PM

I would think very very carefully before doing anything. No man is ever perfect, there are times when my DH embarrasses me by his behaviour or things he says, and he's not the type I ever thought I would marry - he's the opposite to the blue eyed fair skinned bloke I thought I would marry!
But I really love him, he's wonderful so none of the above matters. The good times far outweigh any of the bad stuff, and when we have problems we work through them together.
I really hope you find happiness whatever you choose. Don't rush into anything. We can't change people to be like how we would like them to be, not everyone is outgoing, some are content with just a few friends, but then sometimes opposites attract.
Why do you want him to go out with friends?

Valli · 20 March 2009 at 8:45PM

Well if you're having doubts now...
I am happily single personally - much better than being unhappily married.

Mind you I am clearly a sad and lonely person who relies on forums for a virtual social life.

Well that and pegs...

Rose - there must be ONE perfect man out there - after all there are perfect women - I know cos I am one :rotfl:

kazwookie · 20 March 2009 at 8:47PM

Hi

Have you sat and really talked to your OH over both your feelings.

I don't have loads of friends, my OH does, he seems to always be out and about doing 'stuff' with them, I am quite happy at home, I can go aloong if I want.

Think carefully before you do anything, green grass and all that

Good luck

staffie1 · 20 March 2009 at 8:50PM

rosepink1984 wrote: »

.
Why do you want him to go out with friends?

Either because she thinks he should be just like her, or perhaps she wants him out of the way, or she wants him to meet someone else...?

rosepink1984 · 20 March 2009 at 8:54PM

I'm exactly the same Kaz, DH has loads of friends, and loves going out and doing stuff. I prefer staying in with him, altho I do enjoy going out with our mates sometimes. We just compromise now, if he wants to go out we do, and if I want to stay in we do. His friends and my friends are now our friends, we share them!

Snuggles · 20 March 2009 at 8:59PM

Hi there, regarding the friends thing I'm really struggling to understand why you see it as a problem? If your OH is happy not having a huge group of friends, then what does it matter?

I am definitely an introvert and have never felt the need to have many friends. Like most introverts I find social interactions draining rather than energising. But that is me, and I'm happy that way. My OH is the opposite, a total extrovert who thrives in social gatherings and has a large group of male and female friends. When we first met I tried going along with him on his nights out, but I didn't really enjoy it because it was just too many people for me, I found it exhausting.

Now, he goes out with his mates if he wants to, and I love having the place to myself and getting a bit of alone time while he's out. The rest of the time we do things just the two of us, or with just another couple, which I enjoy. We both get we want and need, and are both happy. I love that he is different to me in that way, I think we complement each other perfectly.

I can't understand why this would be a problem for you, it's as though you are judging him by how popular he seems to be. I can only think this is part of a bigger problem, and that if you were happy with him in other ways this wouldn't be an issue. I hope you work it out.

pigpen · 20 March 2009 at 9:11PM

Well, I, known for my lack of tact, will say that my first instinct on reading this is you are bored and looking for a reason for your boredom and are trying to use your hardworking partner as a reason for this...

Why should he go out with other people?
Why does he have to prove anything?

If he has 100 friends or none at all you are supposed to love him for who he is.. not his social circle!

It sounds to me like he is quite happy with his lot.. maybe he feels very priveleged to have a lovely wife/partner and is too tired after working hard all week to be bothered with socialising.. or maybe when a 'group of guys' goes out they are trawling looking at all the young girls and maybe he doesn't want to do that!

Would you want him to do something he isn't happy with?

Poor guy.. give him a break.. be thankful he wants to spend time with you, his family and doesn't hurt you in any way. This is a normal part of marriage or any relationship.. it isn't all roses and breathless passion until the end of time..

I think before broaching this subject with him you should think very carefully about how hurt he would be about this!

If you want him to take you out.. book something and surprise him! Spruce yourself up and add a bit of fun to the bedroom.. you don't give up when things get a bit tough.. you ride out the storm and come out the other side stronger and closer!

funfairprincess · 20 March 2009 at 9:15PM

If having a large group of friends and how someone looks are what you put importance on in life then I would say get out now and leave the poor guy to get on with his life. I'm sorry but it just sounds so shallow. To me reading your post your partner isn't the one with the problem.

Please Help.. Don't know what to do anymore

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