Son's housekeeping money!

barklyboy · 14 November 2009 at 6:43PM

Hi
I'd like to hear your viewpoint/advice on my son's housekeeping money and what is a fair amount to pay.
A bit of background; I split from my wife 3 years ago and have 3 sons. The eldest lives with me, the other two with their Mother. I am in my early 50's and now have a huge mortgage which I am paying interest only on. I told my son I wanted £250 a month from him for housekeeping money at the time he was earning about £1000 a month. He started to pay it by DD, I didn't really keep an eye on it and he stopped paying me. Along with me lending him money, I increased his housekeeping to £350 to pay me back. When he had I told him I wanted to keep it at £350. He says he can't afford it and he stopped the DD again! He now earns about £1300 a month. I want to be fair and I think a 25% of his take home pay is fair. But instead of paying me, he's paying off his debts (I think) and paying for everything else before he pays anything to me.
I can't kick my son out on the streets but I am not willing to let him get away with it either. Am I asking for too much?

poppyolivia · 14 November 2009 at 6:48PM

no I really dont, I would like to see him get rent for that cheap, stick to your guns, he seems to be earning a nice wage!

rachelhen · 14 November 2009 at 6:48PM

I think its fair, but I never ever took housekeeping from my kids but feel I probably should have done. He is being unfair. Lay it on the line and sit down and show him the outgoings. Are you buying the food etc? 350 a month is about what he would pay for a house share where I live and he would have to pay his council tax and food and water rates and fuel on top!

cavework · 14 November 2009 at 6:50PM

How old is he?
Why can't you kick him out?
If he was living in his own place (which would probably cost him a lot more) and refused to pay his rent/bills , he would be out on his ear..
xxxx

worriedsik · 14 November 2009 at 6:58PM

No you are not asking for too much thats £85.50 a wk isnt it , is that all his food, bills etc ? and you say he owes you money from when he cancelled the DD & without telling you he had is a bit disrespectful too

kindofagilr · 14 November 2009 at 7:07PM

I think you are being fair and he needs to suck it up

I paid £150 to my mother for board as did my brother, when he moved out I increased it to £225 as mam was struggling, then when my boyfriend practically moved in it was like 3 people lived there and I then upped it again to £300 (so it was like my brother was still there)

I earned £1000 at the time I paid £300

silvercar · 14 November 2009 at 7:12PM

Do you have a huge interest only mortgage because you chose to buy a big home, or do you have this big mortgage for other reasons? If the only reason you have a big mortgage is because you were buying a place big enough for your son to live in then fair enough, if you can't honestly say that you would have had this large mortgage anyway, then it is unfair to lay that as a burden on your son.

If you charge him anymore than the extra costs you incur by having your son with you, then you are profiting out of him. It is commendable that he is using his income to reduce his debts rather than be out clubbing every night. Kids these days are saddled with debts from education and finding it hard to carve out careers.

Encourage him and enjoy the time you have his company.

notsayingaword · 14 November 2009 at 7:14PM

It seems like a fair amount to charge him. Kids (whatever their age) seem to think that parents are being unfair when they take money off them but he is a grown man earning a decent salary and should be paying his way, not sponging off you. You will do him no favours in the long run.

How many people live in your house? Is he eating there? If you split the bills equally between the adults in the house would he end up paying more or less than £350 (I wouldn't include the mortgage if it's in your name only). You need to sit him down with firm figures to make him see where his 'keep' is going. If he really is struggling to pay would a compromise help where you go back to £250 per month for the short term until he has cleared his debt and then increase back to £350. If he's not prepared to contribute then he needs to go and live elsewhere and see how far he gets on £350 rent!

starbump · 14 November 2009 at 7:21PM

silvercar wrote: »

Do you have a huge interest only mortgage because you chose to buy a big home, or do you have this big mortgage for other reasons? If the only reason you have a big mortgage is because you were buying a place big enough for your son to live in then fair enough, if you can't honestly say that you would have had this large mortgage anyway, then it is unfair to lay that as a burden on your son.

If you charge him anymore than the extra costs you incur by having your son with you, then you are profiting out of him. It is commendable that he is using his income to reduce his debts rather than be out clubbing every night. Kids these days are saddled with debts from education and finding it hard to carve out careers.

Encourage him and enjoy the time you have his company.

Totally agree. Your kids don't exist to pay off your mortgage.

worriedsik · 14 November 2009 at 7:25PM

what age is your son ? ....also some off that money is what he borrowed from you yes ?

DaveMacD · 14 November 2009 at 7:36PM

Dunno the exact circumstances, but it'd be interesting to see what his outgoings are. In any event, as mentioned above, sit him down and show him figures for what his keep is going towards. Likewise, show him the bills that are going out. And ultimately, it is to his advantage to pay his way, because the house will be partly his inheritance.

Son's housekeeping money!

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