Funeral Planning

sheenagh_2 · 30 October 2004 at 12:33PM

This is a tough topic I think because of the emotions involved but here goes.

My mom has incurable cancer and has asked me to help plan her funeral as she has specific requirements. She basically wants no fuss and it to be as cheap as possible. She is not at all religious and does not want a vicker.

I have just got hold of a book called The Natural Death Guide, it looks interesting.

Has anybody got any ideas they would like to share :-/

sheenagh_2 · 30 October 2004 at 9:04PM

Thanks Sheel hugs greatfully received. I am amazed how lovely you people are. Reading some of the other threads (gadgetman's sore and cracked nipples thing had me in tears) makes it feel really safe to be open here.

I thought about calling this topic 'Dead cheap' because I am clinging on to a sense of humour about it all. I thought it might be in bad taste though ???

I will look at the humanist thing because some sort of closure is need.

We don't want to use an undertaker because it is too impersonal and can't think of a way to get coffin to cemetery if anyone has any ideas it would be great.

Mom also wants to be environmentally friendly so we a going for a woodland burial site but do not know about coffin materials.

MATH · 30 October 2004 at 10:49PM

I'm sorry to hear about your mum sheenagh.

I've attended many funerals as as Church Steward and they can be beautiful and comforting but only if the 'faith' means something to the person and family. Often people come to the church to bury their dead because they don't really know what their loved one would have wanted and therfore go for a "traditional religious" service. The church never turns them away but the fact that being in church offers no comfort to the bereaved and the vicar has never met the deceased is painfully obvious throughout the service and that is really sad. I admire your mum and you for being true to yourselves and wanting what is REAL to you.

You can plan this together and ensure that the day is what your mum wants and also has eliments that will help and comfort you. I'm sorry that I don't have any practical advice for natural funerals but wish you both a loving and peaceful saying goodbye.

mini · 31 October 2004 at 3:08AM

Hi

I am really sorry to hear about your mom it must be really difficult time for you all whilst trying to plan for something you don't really want to happen.

I recently attended the funeral of someone who had died suddenly was very young, the service did no justice at all as everyone was in such a state of shock to plan or think. I would say to make notes of what you would like to be said & maybe find readings you & your mom may like read atthe service or who would like to read. There was this thread recently about readings at a funeral http://forum.moneysavingexpert.com/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.cgi?board=Doyouknow;action=display;num=1097840987;start=1#1 You may need tissues to hand though.

Another point which is about money saving is if people are wanting to send flowers for the funeral & live some distance away may be worth having a florist local to the funeral directorstelephone number to give to peole who wantto send flowers if your mom wants flowers, for the flowers I arranged I felt very ripped off at my local florist so I drove to one by the funeral directors & saved a lot for a nicer wreath as dontions were also requested it menst more money for the specified fund I had never understood flowers for funerals until this one & it seemed so right & the very least we could do.

Sorry I hope I haven't waffled on too much,

love mini

Robert_Sterling_3 · 31 October 2004 at 6:19PM

At my mum's funeral a member of the family and a friend of the family each said a few words.

LittleMoo · 31 October 2004 at 6:23PM

Hi Sheenagh,

You might want to have a look at the following sites, which have details of alternative coffins, such as cardboard coffins (with a wooden 'transporter' outer) and willow or bamboo coffins.

http://www.funeralsearch.co.uk/coffin-cover.php

https://www.naturaldeath.org.uk

http://www.environ.org.uk/sales/index.php?catid=254

http://freespace.virgin.net/heaven.earth/coffin.html

jockettuk · 1 November 2004 at 12:43AM

mymum died of cancer 10 yrs ago and we had time to organize her funeral .. all she wanted was to be buried in a plot that my dad would also be able to .. sounds simple doesnt it but what a palavour when it actually happened.. mum died middle october and the local cemetary was flooded so couldnt be used and as mum came from clydebank (just outside of glasgow) we tried there but they wouldnt let my dad be buried as he didnt come from the area. thats stupid i hear you say and so did we, so eventually we had mum buried in kirkintilloch were my dad came from but only because there was a family plot that would accomodate both my mother and father.. Things are never easy and its not like when someone dies that you have time to consider the options so as much planning ahead is great.. cancer is awful but it does give you the time to organise... not as someone once said to me ... to say goodbye ,, who the hell wants to say a final goodbye to the person you love, i never wanted my mum to leave especially as i was pregnant with my first child.

sheenagh_2 · 2 November 2004 at 3:57PM

Thanks for the amazing replys everyone. Every one has been a boost, both practically and for my heart.

Again Many Many thanks

Sheenagh

blowmedown · 11 April 2005 at 8:11PM

Hi, Sheenagh.
I hope your mom i coping it is a difficult time. My mother in law died of cancer 8 years ago. My father in law remarried and now his new wife has the same cancer, life can be so cruel. There is another reason that I am placing this note, I am a Funeral Director. first of all the coffin a cardboard one is fine for Green burials somtimes the burial ground does specify which ones they allow, if you have chosen a place for mom to rest than it may be worth asking them they may well be able to supply you with one.

Transport: You can move a body without any real restriction so if you have an estate car or similar you are allowed to fetch your mom from a mortuary or where ever she may have passed away without much trouble. Your moms passing will be deamed an expected death and so will not require the involvment of the coroner. A doctor should sign the death certificate which will allow you to register the death and then organise the funeral. I am sorry I am rabbiting on but if you need any help or advice just post me a note and i will help ( that goes for anyone) :A

Nile · 9 May 2005 at 12:21PM

I wonder if Blowmedown or another funeral director could answer the following questions for me please?

Why is embalming done, is it purely so that the body looks nice until he/she is cremated or buried?

Would someone who did not want to be embalmed need to make their wishes known in their will as well as informing their relatives?

Are we getting to the position where land for burial is so restricted that cremation will soon be the only option?

I attended the funeral of a friend where the 'service' was non religious but the words spoken were very moving and encompassed her life and interests. Would the person making this speech be from one of the funeral service team?

Thank you in anticipation.

margaretclare · 9 May 2005 at 1:03PM

Hi all

Try this site: https://www.green-burial.co.uk.

We've informed all our relevant family members that this is what we want for ourselves. We've even seen the place - Herongate Wood in Essex. However, it depends where you live/where your mum lives. Contact any of the organisations already mentioned - this is a growing idea and any funeral director will be able to point you in the right direction. I have a good friend who's a funeral director in York. I spoke to him about not wearing black - he says he wears grey anyway.

One of the biggest parts of the expense apparently is to do with the black limousines used to ferry mourners to and fro - you don't need those! Also, I'm mystified by the comment about embalming - embalming is NOT necessary and in any case, is not eco-friendly at all! And no flowers - none of those awful naff displays with 'M U M' in carnations...I'd much rather have a tree planted for me than expensive floral displays that only get thrown away.

Here's a poem you might like, by the Victorian poet Christina Rossetti:

When I am dead, my dearest
Sing no sad songs for me
Plant thou no roses at my head
Nor shady cypress tree
Be the green grass above me
With showers and dewdrops wet,
And if thou wilt, remember
And if thou wilt, forget.

I shall not see the shadows,
I shall not feel the rain.
I shall not hear the nightingale
Sing on, as if in pain,
And, dreaming through the twilight
That doth not rise nor set
Haply I may remember,
And haply may forget.

Best wishes

Aunty Margaret

Funeral Planning

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