Fake job for 5 years from son's GF - what do I do

jen1301 · 24 January 2015 at 9:19PM

It doesn't really matter what the ins and outs are.

Op, It's not your problem. Your son is obviously grown up and therefore is capable of dealing with this himself.

What do you do? ...Nothing, I'd keep your nose out.

I'm sure the last thing your son needs at the moment is an interfering Mother.

getmore4less · 24 January 2015 at 9:52PM

Not your problem to sort it out.

Gifts are gifts don't give money if there are strings(don't make up retrospective ones).

Just make sure he is not signing up for debt in his name or joint.

[Deleted User] · 25 January 2015 at 8:11AM

If you made gifts or loans in the last five years, I would imagine you'd given up on getting the money back. Its not unknown for parents to help their children when they are setting up home, even to the point of making sacrifices in their own lives.

I'd concentrate on being an uninvolved sounding board for your son, and supportive rather than a leader of the lynch mob. That won't help your son at all.

His life must be turned upside down on all sorts of fronts right now.., although I suspect he had suspicions., its impossible to completely not notice an 18k income not being there over five years and I can't imagine the extent of the excuses. So that makes the emotional reaction even worse.

You aren't really giving enough information (which is understandable) for anything but the most general comments.

moneyistooshorttomention · 25 January 2015 at 8:46AM

Just thinking that I know what my best friend would do about a situation like this and it boils down to Ask Questions.

That is, she would ask the son a series of questions designed to help him work out exactly what is happening here, eg:
- how did you realise?
- what happened when it came to her being due to pay her share of things? (subtext = was she going into debt to find the money)
- do you think she could have been doing something rather illicit to get money (crime/sex work/etc)
- what was she actually doing all the time she was supposedly at work

Just every question she could think of, with the purpose of helping him get the situation as clear as possible in his head.

Then she would say words to effect of "Well...its your life...but I'm here if you need me for a sounding board/shoulder to cry on" and then, when it was all as sorted out as it could be, go through the whole process again to try and help him figure out how to get his finances back on track (as they must have taken a beating from all this).

After many years of seeing my friend In Action operating that way, I'd be inclined to do the same as I know she would.

burnoutbabe · 25 January 2015 at 10:09AM

if she said she had some "work at home" job that paid 18k, but actually was using some savings/inheritance to provide her share of the money, that is one thing I suppose. But a bit strange if they live together.

Or if she does have a full time job but its £12k rather than £18k, thats probably okay and she is ashamed (but a hard worker)

If she has pretended to go somewhere every day but not actually done that, that is a whole different level of lies.

But the OP hasn't given any details so we have no idea.

buglawton · 25 January 2015 at 10:15AM

Let the cynic in me guess...
Son knew for a long time and now he and GF are having a (probably financial) crisis.

They've decided it's about time to reveal the true financial situation to OP, in the hope of getting even more help.

[ EDIT later same day... I think it was a bullseye, see post #37
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showpost.php?p=67555522&postcount=37 ]

RuthnJasper · 25 January 2015 at 10:34AM

buglawton wrote: »

Let the cynic in me guess...
Son knew for a long time and now he and GF are having a (probably financial) crisis.

They've decided it's about time to reveal the true financial situation to OP, in the hope of getting even more help.

I tend to agree with this scenario; I mean, FIVE years?! Did the son never wonder why there weren't any Christmas parties over all this time?

But, if true, it would take a particular type of person to maintain a lie of this magnitude to their partner for such a length of time. Maybe it's best discovered now than in 30 years' time, when the OP's son is about to retire and his OH's pension fails to materialise...

Poppie68 · 25 January 2015 at 10:45AM

Don't you just love it when a post is made with sketchy details and the OP disappears..

I fail to see the relevance of the money and gifts...were they only handed over because you thought she was earning £18,000 .....was a contract signed to this effect because frankly I can't see why you feel it's your business to speak to her at all.

If she is working but not earning as much as much as £18000 so what?..
If she lied about working full stop were was her income coming from?
Ultimately it's none of your business... If your son is old enough to not live at home he is old enough to deal with it himself...

silvercar · 25 January 2015 at 10:55AM

The son sounds a bit shallow, if the GF needed to exaggerate earnings in order to impress him.

Fruit_and_Nut_Case · 25 January 2015 at 10:57AM

PennyForThem wrote: »

How would you deal with this?

I and son were totally convinced she had a job paying 18K. To be fair she managed the money so that it was not apparent and yes, son admits he did not look at bank account and totally trusted her - there were no problems so typically he did not question.

He has learnt better.

However I helped out with money and gifts - I did wonder but did not question. There were other indicators which now make sense.

I am left not trusting her. I want to talk to her but this has not happened (250 mile distance and this is not a phone call type solution IMO). I want to talk face to face - how much do I push this?

What do I do?

This post leaves so much unsaid. It seems to imply that the woman does not have a job paying £18k but does not say whether she

actually has a job
makes less than £18k
makes more than £18k

What would give the son the right to look at his girl friend's bank account anyway?

So many unanswered questions; waiting for the OP to come back and fill in the blanks.

Fake job for 5 years from son's GF - what do I do

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