Money Moral Dilemma: Should retired parents pay off their daughter's debts?

katfishh · 26 May 2008 at 11:21PM

How will she ever learn the value of money if you keep bailing her out?

babyharry5 wrote: »

I really disagree with everything that you have said here!
I worked as a debt arrears manager for a very large bank for over 15 years -there are lots of reasons that people get themselves into debt - losing their jobs - hours decreased at work - maternity leave - mortgage ands cost of living increasing, but their parents having a home with a lot of equity is not one of them!!
PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY & OWNERSHIP is something that many people need to take a long hard look at!
Yes she is a single parent and that is not easy - but many couples with/without children, old or young are in the same position.
It this lady is struggling with basic bills such as mortgage utilities food etc then it may be better for her to sell the house - perhaps even move in with her parents, pay off her debt and learn to live on a budget for a while.
Alternatively if she wishes to keep the house, then maybe she needs to visit a debt counsellor in order to sort a detailed payment plan and budget that she can stick to.
IMO the main problem these days is that people want it all and they want it now! Nobody forces these people to sign a credit card form, hand it over in shops for non essential items and build up a large debt that they can see increasing with their monthly statement.
She has shown from history that she has not learnt a single lesson from two previous 'bail outs' - indeed she may well think , like yourself, that she has a right to use the EQUITY that her parents have benefited from over the years - this is my opinion is very selfish.
This is not a young girl who has been silly but a grown woman with responsibilities & two children - life may have dealt her a poor hand and left her on her own but that doesnt mean you have a right to spend other peoples money
I have lost count of the number of times that people used to visit me with their soa and had included all manner of non essential items such as - 300 cigarettes a month - luxury gym membership - trombone lessons!! - footbal season tickets with the train season ticket to match - £200 p/m/ for their holiday fund & £30 week for their curry nite!
Then on the same page they plead poverty for their min credit card payments of £50
People need to get real and spend only what they have . not what they want.
IT's not easy, but as all you people know on here, it can be done and you can have fun along the way.

p.s. after completing hundreds of soa's in my career those people driving around in range rover sports, taking luxury holidays and have huge houses are the worst credit offenders out there - so dont try and keep up with them unless you want to end up in the doo-doo!!

Tuesday · 27 May 2008 at 7:29AM

My brother has never held down a job for more than a few weeks and his wife gave up work 16 years ago when pregnant with their first child. They have relied on both sets of parents to give them money. Hers were quite well off and provided them with money and even cars. They wanted the good life but were not prepared to work for it. When my daughter was born my mum turned up with a designer dress for the baby which cost more than I would spend on myself but said my sister in law expected her to buy clothes for her baby from this shop. When her parents died quite suddenly within a few months of each other, brother & wife lost the handouts but expected to inherit half of their nice house only to find that the parents had 'equity released' the house, spent the money and all that was left was 25% of the value to be split in sister in law and her brother..........

suzywoozy_3 · 28 May 2008 at 9:31AM

I've had some handouts when I was young and I don't know how we would have coped without. We married very young, calculated carefully that we could afford to live and then hubby lost his job in the early 90s recession and didn't get another one for 18 months. An aunt paid some of our rent and another friend came shopping with us and paid £10 per week towards our shopping. Then we ended up needing to move in with hubby's parents for 8 months. With out this help things would have been very bleak for us. It didn't teach us to rely on handouts though, it taught us to lend a helping hand to those in real difficulty - doing shopping for an unemployed friend, giving some holiday spending money to a single mum on benefits etc.

emsaver · 28 May 2008 at 9:35PM

A very similar thing happened to the people we bought our house from, they just couldn't keep out of debt and their parents just kept bailing them out, until they all ended up living in two rented static caravans.
The parents lived in a 5 bedroom detached house and the daughter and her husband lived in our 3 bed semi. They'd made an £80,000 profit by selling their house to us but it all went to pay off debt and we still had unpaid letters and bills arriving in their names for over £50,000 (I know, I shouldn't have been so nosey!).
Her parents bailed her out so many times and the situation was still the same for her in the end, only she'd taken her parents with her
It's so sad because they had a lovely little boy - and he was moved from pillar to post - school to school - because they couldn't keep out of debt and live in the area he grew up.
So there's a lesson to be learned here - or not as the case may be!!

MadHorseFan · 28 May 2008 at 10:31PM

No, they have probably done the damage themselves, when she was a child. They can buy their Grandchildren clothes, food and offer other support, mummy should learn a valuable lesson in life.

xaghra · 29 May 2008 at 5:54PM

No as the reason for this as I always uses to pay my sons debts even though he earned twice as much as I did.I am nearly 66 and will have to work till I'M 70 to try and build up a small nest egg for my wife and I-you cannot keep on bailing people out-other wise they will never learn to manage their money properly.There are plenty of organisations that offer debt counselling,its time the daughter learned that money does not grow on trees and lives in the real world.

Charity · 30 May 2008 at 1:30AM

It's not fair to the parents at their time of life. They are entitled to enjoy their retirement without the worry of a 30 something! I brought up two children without any help from the father, and had a mundane job that I stuck at in order to support us. We never went without the basics and I never asked anyone for financial help. I thought this would have taught my two good values but this has not been the case for one of them, I'm sorry to say. I cannot keep bailing them out, as in my opinion it teaches them nothing....and I am not a bank! I was in my late 30's before I bought my house, and I was 40 before I could do a job that I enjoy. Maybe the parents need to do what I did, take the bank card away, manage her finances for her and give her a weekly allowance to live on. Perhaps the daughter needs to sell the house, seek advice, visit this site and assess her incoming and outgoing monies. I can't understand Grow money's comment that it's the parents fault?? Perhaps he hasn't experienced this part of life yet. The way the daughter is going, she's not going to have an inheritance, as she will have spent it all before she is 40!!

altojack · 30 May 2008 at 2:21PM

I don't believe the parents are to blame at all. When I was younger (under 21) my parents bought me a pony because I wanted one, then another larger one. I got a mini for my 17th birthday, my dad had garage so repairs were free, so was my petrol and insurance. What we wanted we got. Yes we were spoilt, BUT, dad never bought on credit, if you didn't have the cash you didn't buy! Quite simple, I still live by that rule and owe nothing to anyone. I have bailed out my 35 yr old son several times, but have told him NO MORE!!

jan88_2 · 9 June 2008 at 1:00PM

well, as a 20-something daughter myself, i definitely think the retired parents should NOT pay for their daughter's debts. it is simply shameful of the 30+ woman to ask for retired, old people's hard-earned money.

Wildthing · 10 June 2008 at 4:09PM

definately not! I am in the reverse situation as 35 year old single mother with around £15k of debt myself and currently on a debt management plan trying my best to sort my life out (I also work full time) My parents borrowed money off me some years ago to the tune of over £5k for which they haven't paid me anything for the past 2 and a half years. If you run up the debt it is your responsibility to get out of it again - :mad:
unless of course you know someone who has the money and will gladly pay it for you!

Money Moral Dilemma: Should retired parents pay off their daughter's debts?

Comments

Confirm your email address to Create Threads and Reply

🚀 Getting Started

Categories

Is this how you want to be seen?

Get our FREE Weekly email full of deals & guides - and it’s spam-free