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    • 80's Girl
    • By 80's Girl 9th Mar 18, 8:02 AM
    • 6Posts
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    80's Girl
    Scared of my Bosses driving...how to say no?
    • #1
    • 9th Mar 18, 8:02 AM
    Scared of my Bosses driving...how to say no? 9th Mar 18 at 8:02 AM
    Recently had to go to a trade fair with the boss, M25, M1. They scared me half to death!!! Driving too fast, too close and changing lanes to sharply, barely missing numerous cars. I had my eyes closed for most of the journey home.

    We are supposed to be going to another one in a few weeks time...but I really don't want to have to get in a car with them driving ever again. I felt sick, scared and so glad to get home in one piece.

    How should I tell the boss (or anyone else) that I don't want to go with them. I know i'd really hurt their feelings (dent their pride), and make things awkward, but they really are bad.
    Last edited by 80's Girl; 10-03-2018 at 7:06 AM.
Page 1
    • nicechap
    • By nicechap 9th Mar 18, 8:08 AM
    • 1,115 Posts
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    nicechap
    • #2
    • 9th Mar 18, 8:08 AM
    • #2
    • 9th Mar 18, 8:08 AM
    Just tell them what you've said here, hurting their pride is a lot less painful than being cut out of a smashed up car.
    Quote was right and saw into the future.
    • bertiewhite
    • By bertiewhite 9th Mar 18, 8:36 AM
    • 1,064 Posts
    • 1,180 Thanks
    bertiewhite
    • #3
    • 9th Mar 18, 8:36 AM
    • #3
    • 9th Mar 18, 8:36 AM
    Can you offer to drive instead?
    • AstroTurtle
    • By AstroTurtle 9th Mar 18, 8:49 AM
    • 144 Posts
    • 521 Thanks
    AstroTurtle
    • #4
    • 9th Mar 18, 8:49 AM
    • #4
    • 9th Mar 18, 8:49 AM
    Just say you get travel sick if your not driving.
    • Wyndham
    • By Wyndham 9th Mar 18, 10:44 AM
    • 2,014 Posts
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    Wyndham
    • #5
    • 9th Mar 18, 10:44 AM
    • #5
    • 9th Mar 18, 10:44 AM
    Has your boss ever had any accidents? It sounds like one is waiting to happen, but I wonder if they have always avoided them (so feel they have nothing to learn) or have had several (so will never learn)?
    • TBagpuss
    • By TBagpuss 9th Mar 18, 11:28 AM
    • 6,487 Posts
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    TBagpuss
    • #6
    • 9th Mar 18, 11:28 AM
    • #6
    • 9th Mar 18, 11:28 AM
    Could you get yourself there?
    If so, suggest that you drive there separately, or that you, rather than your boss, drives.
    If your boss doesn't want you to drive and take them, then you may have to cover your own petrol and parking costs as it isn't necessary to take two cars.
    If you don't want to have to say that you felt unsafe then maybe make it about you, not them - e.g. say you are a nervous passenger or that you found that being a passenger made you feel unwell.

    Is there anyone more senior to your immediate boss that you could speak to, perhaps to ask them to authorise you to be allowed to reclaim your travel costs, and to let them know about the situation.
    • DigForVictory
    • By DigForVictory 9th Mar 18, 11:34 AM
    • 7,712 Posts
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    DigForVictory
    • #7
    • 9th Mar 18, 11:34 AM
    • #7
    • 9th Mar 18, 11:34 AM
    Develop a domestic responsibility that means you have to be free to bale?

    Traditionally it's an aunt, but a pal of mine uses his neighbour's cat as a pretext, for the paperwork.

    It's one of those handy short term excuses - "oh auntie's better now" - that mean you can accept a lift from someone whose driving you trust.
    • LMG1305
    • By LMG1305 9th Mar 18, 11:40 AM
    • 150 Posts
    • 1,027 Thanks
    LMG1305
    • #8
    • 9th Mar 18, 11:40 AM
    • #8
    • 9th Mar 18, 11:40 AM
    Just say you have to visit a friend/family on the way home, so going to drive yourself. From the employers point of view though, you would probably not be able to claim mileage/travel expenses, as you have made the choice to make the journey yourself & presumably the reason the boss wanted you travelling together is to save the company money.
    • newatc
    • By newatc 9th Mar 18, 11:51 AM
    • 233 Posts
    • 271 Thanks
    newatc
    • #9
    • 9th Mar 18, 11:51 AM
    • #9
    • 9th Mar 18, 11:51 AM
    Just say you have to visit a friend/family on the way home, so going to drive yourself. From the employers point of view though, you would probably not be able to claim mileage/travel expenses, as you have made the choice to make the journey yourself & presumably the reason the boss wanted you travelling together is to save the company money.
    Originally posted by LMG1305
    You would need to check your insurance first to ensure you are covered for business use.
    • TELLIT01
    • By TELLIT01 9th Mar 18, 12:07 PM
    • 4,905 Posts
    • 5,262 Thanks
    TELLIT01
    One other option is to go with him next time and actually throw up in his car. You'll probably find him less keen to take you again after that. :-)

    I had a boss like that once. We were travelling back along the M4 in p***ing rain and he was doing over 80 in the outside lane. The guy sat in the front passenger seat told him to slow down but his response was "Nobody else would be stupid enough to be in the outside lane in these conditions". We all agreed that we wouldn't travel with him again but we had multiple voices, not just one person against the boss.
    Last edited by TELLIT01; 09-03-2018 at 12:09 PM.
    • Smodlet
    • By Smodlet 9th Mar 18, 1:18 PM
    • 3,032 Posts
    • 6,096 Thanks
    Smodlet
    I had an experience like that once but fortunately, it was a one-off. Some visiting sales rep my project manager friend knew offered us both a lift back from some off site shindig and he drove like a tw*t. I really thought my number was up. Needless to say, he drove a beamer!

    It's your life; you get only one (unless you believe in reincarnation) I would not even bother mentioning travel expenses unless you find others in your place of work share your view. In that case, I would speak to your boss's boss about it but I certainly would never get in his car again.

    Perhaps you could tell him you are reading Nietzsche; that dude is all about survival.
    What is this life if, sweet wordsmith, we have no time to take the pith?
    Every stew starts with the first onion.
    I took it upon myself to investigate a trifle; it had custard, jelly, soggy sponge things...
    • Manxman in exile
    • By Manxman in exile 9th Mar 18, 4:32 PM
    • 1,473 Posts
    • 1,116 Thanks
    Manxman in exile
    OP - I know your anguish! I only passed my driving test aged 42 so had to rely a lot on colleagues and bosses to get to business meetings.


    One of my managers drove extremely quickly, but other-wise safely. We once had to go round the NE quadrant of the M25 in torrential rain and at dusk. We were quick. I was used to his driving and was confident in his ability, but we had two other colleagues in the back too. Colleague 3 later told me that colleague 4 had sat white-knuckled throughout the journey and was trembling.


    Stupidly (and to my shame) I never mentioned it. I know I could have done (he was an excellent manager and always listened to concerns) but I didn't have the guts to do so. But it did encourage me to pass the test and drive myself. I think that's what you need to do.

    BTW - I did have enormous confidence in his driving ability. I once had to beg him to give me lift back from a meeting because the colleague who'd driven me there had scared me so much!


    And last year my elderly BiL refused to get back into our car for a return journey because he thought my wife had driven there too quickly. I had to drive us back...
    • ReadingTim
    • By ReadingTim 9th Mar 18, 5:42 PM
    • 2,671 Posts
    • 3,832 Thanks
    ReadingTim
    It's not the refusal which causes offence, but your explanation of why you're refusing. So don't explain. Simply say:

    "thanks for the offer of the lift, but it's OK, I'll get myself there".

    Say that.

    Only that.

    And nothing more.

    Then shut up.

    ...It's only difficult if you make it so.
    • Takeaway_Addict
    • By Takeaway_Addict 9th Mar 18, 7:22 PM
    • 5,803 Posts
    • 6,686 Thanks
    Takeaway_Addict
    It's not the refusal which causes offence, but your explanation of why you're refusing. So don't explain. Simply say:

    "thanks for the offer of the lift, but it's OK, I'll get myself there".

    Say that.

    Only that.

    And nothing more.

    Then shut up.

    ...It's only difficult if you make it so.
    Originally posted by ReadingTim
    I do think this is unlikely. I suspect the OP is a buyer so can't choose to go up seperately to their boss
    Don't trust a forum for advice. Get proper paid advice. Any advice given should always be checked
    • Tygermoth
    • By Tygermoth 9th Mar 18, 8:01 PM
    • 1,356 Posts
    • 2,762 Thanks
    Tygermoth
    I had a manager who screamed - yes screamed - everytime she had to overtake a lorry or if she was on a small road and a lorry passed her coming the other way.

    I didn't drive then, but the next time we had to do to a site together i took three trains and a bus,the inconvenience and cost was better than the damage to my nerves.

    That woman scared the crap out of me, She hated driving, lorries, roundabouts, hill starts driving where she didn't know. left no braking distance was hopeless at checking her mirrors and blind spots. Couldn't park for toffee.

    My father while is a confident driver he's also unnecessarily aggressive.He will cut people up, drive down a past a queue then force his car in. he will pull up in the wrong marked lane on a roundabout then cut across. He also refuses to abstain from smoking because its 'his damn car' I refuse to get in a car with the man and many a huge family argument has ben had over this, but nope. won't do it.
    Last edited by Tygermoth; 09-03-2018 at 8:03 PM.
    Please note I have a cognitive disability - as such my wording can be a bit off, muddled, misspelt or in some cases i can miss out some words totally...
    • ReadingTim
    • By ReadingTim 9th Mar 18, 8:17 PM
    • 2,671 Posts
    • 3,832 Thanks
    ReadingTim
    I do think this is unlikely. I suspect the OP is a buyer so can't choose to go up seperately to their boss
    Originally posted by Takeaway_Addict
    Personally, I suspect the OP has confidence and/or assertiveness issues, which manifest themselves both in terms of the timidness with which they frame their problem (" i'd really hurt their feelings (dent their pride), and make things awkward") and their assessment of their boss's driving - how they can judge whether someone drives
    "too fast, too close and changing lanes to sharply, barely missing numerous cars" if "I had my eyes closed for most of the journey" is beyond me...

    So, they must either stand up for themselves and refuse, or deal with it. But attempting to objectively justify why they subjectively feel the way they do will only cause problems for them, and is frankly on a hiding to nothing.

    So, they need either to put up or shut up.
    • ReadingTim
    • By ReadingTim 9th Mar 18, 8:20 PM
    • 2,671 Posts
    • 3,832 Thanks
    ReadingTim
    And last year my elderly BiL refused to get back into our car for a return journey because he thought my wife had driven there too quickly. I had to drive us back...
    Originally posted by Manxman in exile
    No, you didn't have to drive back. You chose to drive back.

    The BiL could have chosen to get home by himself if he didn't like how your wife drives. His choice.
    • PasturesNew
    • By PasturesNew 9th Mar 18, 8:29 PM
    • 62,515 Posts
    • 366,198 Thanks
    PasturesNew
    If you avoid it now, it'll happen again ... repeatedly.

    You have to face the music now .... or forever fear the next event he's driving you to, knowing there'll be lots every year.

    You have to just tell him ..... having already prepared your CV in case he takes offence and bins you. But do it else you'll hate and fear him and the job anyway.
    • xapprenticex
    • By xapprenticex 9th Mar 18, 9:44 PM
    • 1,436 Posts
    • 1,376 Thanks
    xapprenticex
    Sounds like he knows what he is doing, he drives every day yet turns up to work unharmed right. If its that bad, do what my mom does when I drive and sit in the back and play on your phone so you dont see the road.
    • dori2o
    • By dori2o 9th Mar 18, 10:31 PM
    • 7,598 Posts
    • 12,726 Thanks
    dori2o
    Just say you have to visit a friend/family on the way home, so going to drive yourself. From the employers point of view though, you would probably not be able to claim mileage/travel expenses, as you have made the choice to make the journey yourself & presumably the reason the boss wanted you travelling together is to save the company money.
    Originally posted by LMG1305
    That may be the case for expenses from the employer, but if the travel is a requirement of your job, i. e your employe/role requires that you make the journey, then you will be able to claim tax relief from HMRC for the business journey. Even if you have made the choice to refuse a lift.

    With HMRC its all down to whether the journey is required and therefore wholly, necessary, in the performance of your duties, and that an expense has been incurred.

    How you make that necessary journey, or how much that journey costs is not a consideration.
    To equate judgement and wisdom with occupation is at best . . . insulting.
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