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  • FIRST POST
    • LearningtoAdult
    • By LearningtoAdult 28th Feb 18, 9:12 PM
    • 29Posts
    • 65Thanks
    LearningtoAdult
    Learning to be an Adult
    • #1
    • 28th Feb 18, 9:12 PM
    Learning to be an Adult 28th Feb 18 at 9:12 PM
    So for as long as I can remember I have been rubbish with money. Since the age of 18, when I first got a credit card, I have seen credit as free money and would spend the money on my credit cards/ overdraft etc willy nilly with little thought into how I was actually going to pay it off.

    When I left university in 2011 I had a student overdraft, 3 credit cards, a phone contract I couldn't afford to pay, a couple of catalogue accounts and a store card. This totalled around £5000 ish. Having debt was never something Iíd thought about as it had been manageable as I was lucky to have various part time jobs throughout my 3 years at university so although I was spending beyond my means because I had a way of paying it off Iíd never really thought about it being a problem. It wasnít until I moved in with my now ex-boyfriend and I decided to move halfway across the country to be with him, with no job to go to it made paying my bills rather problematic. As it turns out creditors donít take particularly well to not being paid! Whoíd have thought it!

    Cue me almost getting a CCJ, which if it hadnít have been for my amazing parents lending me the £600 I would have, many missed payments and several defaults. It also took me a year to get a job after leaving uni and when I did it was only 30 hours a week which paid minimum wage so most of my £750 a month wage went on paying off the debt Iíd accrued. It took me a couple of years to finally pay off all my debt but I did finally get it all paid off and in about July of 2015 I was finally debt free.

    This lasted all of a couple of months as my ex decided that he wasnít going to pay the council tax bill so we got a demand for the whole year. This wasnít a conscious decision but he was awful with money and is the sort of person who would just spend money when he got paid until his card got declined not really giving much thought into what other bills still needed to be paid. I think he felt I should be paying the bills, which to a point he was right, but as I was at home with our young daughter at the time working wasnít really an option. He also never really understood that if I wasnít going to earn enough to cover childcare then there wasnít much point me working. He then informed me that I needed to find the money for it, as he paid for everything else, so I withdrew the money off my various cards in order to pay it. There is a reason why he is now an Ex Ė one of which is to do with money and the way he constantly made me feel guilty for not working, whilst I was raising our daughter when I was on maternity leave for the year, He never saw our finances as joint and even to this day I still believe that he feels I owe him for the fact that he Ďsupported meí during the time I didnít work after uni and when I was raising our daughter! Anyone enough of that for now. Essentially after finally paying off my debt I was now back in debt again and my ex used my cards at several points as he Ďdidnít have the money to pay for fuel etcí despite having a job paying £37k a year!
    Our relationship generally went downhill from there and whilst I was not working but having to buy the food for the house, fuel for my car and generally doing stuff with our daughter I managed to run up loads of debt again. This time including payday loans an overdraft and a massive overpayment of childcare grant from the student loans company, due to their incompetence. By the end it got the point where I was withdrawing money off one credit card to pay another just because I had no other way of paying the bill each month.

    At the end of 2016 my ex walked out, which at the time was heart breaking, but I now realise it was the best thing that could have happened. Itís not until you have a bit of breathing space form a relationship that you realise just how bad things were. Why I stayed in a relationship with a man who emotionally blackmailed me, cheated, lied and generally made me feel worthless for nearly 8 years I will never know.

    Once our relationship ended I was thankfully in a full time job earning a reasonably wage but now had the added pressure of having to afford childcare and rent and all the household bills. Which is what led me to calling Stepchange to arrange a DMP. So Iíve been pootling along with that for a while now but I feel that I havenít really got to grips with this budgeting malarkey. I still feel I waste money unnecessarily and whilst it isnít a huge problem as for the first time in years I am in complete control of the household budget, I know bills are actually getting paid on time, I just feel I could be better with what I spend my money on.

    So Iíve taken the step to go into a self-managed DMP, I have, this week, informed my creditors, that I will be doing so and have told them I will be making token payments for a period of 6 months. I have realised from spending time on this board that I need an emergency fund as at the moment I am well and truly screwed if my car, for example, needs work doing to it. And although my budget I initially did with Stepchange allowed me to put money aside for such things I would keep it for a couple of months then it would get spent on Christmas, birthdays etc or just going out for the day.

    So whilst I feel more in control as I know the bills are being paid I have decided to create this diary to keep me on track with putting money aside for emergencies and generally just not wasting money on rubbish!
    Last edited by LearningtoAdult; 28-02-2018 at 9:16 PM.
Page 1
    • Lilith1980
    • By Lilith1980 28th Feb 18, 10:54 PM
    • 1,790 Posts
    • 5,072 Thanks
    Lilith1980
    • #2
    • 28th Feb 18, 10:54 PM
    • #2
    • 28th Feb 18, 10:54 PM
    Welcome and happy debt-free diary!

    I've really found this to be a change in mindset. I've been frivolous with money, spending on my credit cards without thinking about how I'd pay them back. Now I'm learning to retrain my mind in terms of not impulse-buying things I *think* I need. Most of the time I don't need anything at all; it's just me wanting something to make me feel better!

    I feel a lot "freer" now I'm in the mindset of not needing things. It's actually a nice challenge to see the ways I can save money

    Good luck in your journey
    My debt-free diary
    • doingitanyway
    • By doingitanyway 1st Mar 18, 8:58 AM
    • 3,015 Posts
    • 14,912 Thanks
    doingitanyway
    • #3
    • 1st Mar 18, 8:58 AM
    • #3
    • 1st Mar 18, 8:58 AM
    Well done for taking control of the future for you and your daughter. I wish you every success. I believe you have got this
    JANUARY 2016/SECURED DEBT=24,822/March 2018=0 DEBT FREE 23/03/18
    MORTGAGE FREE 25/07/16
    • LearningtoAdult
    • By LearningtoAdult 1st Mar 18, 1:38 PM
    • 29 Posts
    • 65 Thanks
    LearningtoAdult
    • #4
    • 1st Mar 18, 1:38 PM
    • #4
    • 1st Mar 18, 1:38 PM
    Welcome and happy debt-free diary!

    I've really found this to be a change in mindset. I've been frivolous with money, spending on my credit cards without thinking about how I'd pay them back. Now I'm learning to retrain my mind in terms of not impulse-buying things I *think* I need. Most of the time I don't need anything at all; it's just me wanting something to make me feel better!

    I feel a lot "freer" now I'm in the mindset of not needing things. It's actually a nice challenge to see the ways I can save money

    Good luck in your journey
    Originally posted by Lilith1980
    I think you're right it's definitely all about the mindset. I know, in theory, how to save money but I'm awful at buying things in impulse so i definitely need to rethink the way i think about money.

    I've set up a couple of current accounts and i have all of my bills go out of one, then i have one for food and one for petrol/ parking costs ( i unfortunately have to pay to park at work due to the fact i have to leave at a certain time in order to pick my daughter up from after school club) I also have lots of little saving accounts, linked to my main nationwide one, where i have put away money for clothing, car maintenance etc. This is my first month of actually being strict with myself so we'll see how it goes.
    • LearningtoAdult
    • By LearningtoAdult 1st Mar 18, 2:34 PM
    • 29 Posts
    • 65 Thanks
    LearningtoAdult
    • #5
    • 1st Mar 18, 2:34 PM
    • #5
    • 1st Mar 18, 2:34 PM
    So as I'm at home from work, with my daughter as they shut her school, due to the show. I'm cracking on with the money saving!

    So far I've emailed the council to make sure my council tax goes out over 12 months rather than ten. Last year they didn't send me the bill until late, due to me letting them know that my ex had left, so I wasn't able to pay over 12 months so this will saving me a little each month.

    I'm also sat doing surveys whilst we watch Sleeping Beauty on the TV. I've set myself the challenge of saving all the vouchers / cash I get from doing surveys this year to pay for as much of Christmas as I can. I've got about £30 so far in my amazon account so i'm not doing too badly.
    • LearningtoAdult
    • By LearningtoAdult 1st Mar 18, 2:36 PM
    • 29 Posts
    • 65 Thanks
    LearningtoAdult
    • #6
    • 1st Mar 18, 2:36 PM
    • #6
    • 1st Mar 18, 2:36 PM
    Well done for taking control of the future for you and your daughter. I wish you every success. I believe you have got this
    Originally posted by doingitanyway
    Aww thanks. It's definitely a good feeling, being in control. It's something I never had with my ex so it's taken some getting used too!
    • lonelyrat
    • By lonelyrat 1st Mar 18, 3:00 PM
    • 264 Posts
    • 642 Thanks
    lonelyrat
    • #7
    • 1st Mar 18, 3:00 PM
    • #7
    • 1st Mar 18, 3:00 PM
    Hello Just thought I'd pop in and wish you good luck. I love the name and the thread title. I feel like I can't adult particularly well and perhaps can take advice from this thread

    I was sort of in the same boat after leaving uni. Low income combined with overdrafts and credit card debt but nothing to show for it... Using credit to afford bills and rent and it was just a bit of a disaster. Unlike you I have a supportive OH and no daughter to look after and to be honest I barely made it through. Very impressed with you for managing to get through it all and you sound really positive which is great. There's something about feeling in control and making plans which just feels so good.

    Well done on taking action and boo to the ex. He sounds rubbish. I get what you mean about sort of not seeing it when you're in it though. My ex from years ago seemed genuinely lovely at the time we met but as the relationship progressed he became controlling and manipulative. He isolated me from my friends and family and was just generally emotionally abusive. It did take me a long time to figure this out and my sense of self worth definitely took a beating from my time with him. Being on the other side of it feels great though and my partner now is really lovely. I try and think of all my choices, even bad ones, as having led me up to where I am and right now I'm in a pretty decent place (apart from the debt ). While your ex seems rubbish at least you have your daughter

    it's definitely all about the mindset. I know, in theory, how to save money but I'm awful at buying things in impulse so i definitely need to rethink the way i think about money.
    I also relate to this... It's the hardest thing for me. I am making progress with my debt but I do still fritter money on useless things. I am impulsive and end up regretting purchases. Thank goodness for returns is all I can say!

    Good luck
    Total Debt: 1125 / 7266.93
    Outstanding Debt: Santander CC 450 - Virgin CC 675
    Weight Loss: 7.1kg/ 38kg
    • LearningtoAdult
    • By LearningtoAdult 1st Mar 18, 3:42 PM
    • 29 Posts
    • 65 Thanks
    LearningtoAdult
    • #8
    • 1st Mar 18, 3:42 PM
    • #8
    • 1st Mar 18, 3:42 PM
    Hello Just thought I'd pop in and wish you good luck. I love the name and the thread title. I feel like I can't adult particularly well and perhaps can take advice from this thread

    I was sort of in the same boat after leaving uni. Low income combined with overdrafts and credit card debt but nothing to show for it... Using credit to afford bills and rent and it was just a bit of a disaster. Unlike you I have a supportive OH and no daughter to look after and to be honest I barely made it through. Very impressed with you for managing to get through it all and you sound really positive which is great. There's something about feeling in control and making plans which just feels so good.

    Well done on taking action and boo to the ex. He sounds rubbish. I get what you mean about sort of not seeing it when you're in it though. My ex from years ago seemed genuinely lovely at the time we met but as the relationship progressed he became controlling and manipulative. He isolated me from my friends and family and was just generally emotionally abusive. It did take me a long time to figure this out and my sense of self worth definitely took a beating from my time with him. Being on the other side of it feels great though and my partner now is really lovely. I try and think of all my choices, even bad ones, as having led me up to where I am and right now I'm in a pretty decent place (apart from the debt ). While your ex seems rubbish at least you have your daughter



    I also relate to this... It's the hardest thing for me. I am making progress with my debt but I do still fritter money on useless things. I am impulsive and end up regretting purchases. Thank goodness for returns is all I can say!

    Good luck
    Originally posted by lonelyrat

    Thanks for the words of encouragement. Yeah it's definitely hard when you are going through tough times but i'm definitely in a much better place now and I have a lovely new boyfriend and a very independent and bossy 4 and half year old to contend with!.

    Apparently I was as bossy as my daughter is now so i feel it's probably some sort of karmic payback! I cant imagine my life not being a mum now though so although I kinda went through hell with her Dad I have her as a result of that relationship and she is the best thing to have happened to me.
    • LearningtoAdult
    • By LearningtoAdult 2nd Mar 18, 11:30 AM
    • 29 Posts
    • 65 Thanks
    LearningtoAdult
    • #9
    • 2nd Mar 18, 11:30 AM
    • #9
    • 2nd Mar 18, 11:30 AM
    Another day snowed in!

    I decided to drive to the local shops as I had barely any food in the house which was an interesting experience. Where I live is really hilly and I managed to get most of the way up the road until I got a bit stuck! I'm very thankful for the nice man who guided me out of the snow and help push my car until I got moving again! Lesson learnt though I will not attempt to drive in the snow for a while! I should have just walked but I didn't really want to drag my daughter up hill in the snow.

    I've got us a few buts to tide us over and I am terrible for buying food and putting it in the freezer so we could probably live off what I have in there for a good month or so. I think that's my plan for the month, to try and meal plan around what I actually have in. I'm awful for just going to the shop after work and buying food for that nights meal when I have loads of stuff at home. The stupid thing is i'm a pretty good cook so it's not like i'd struggle to come up with something using the bits I have at home.

    I find it quite hard to have the motivation to cook for just me does anyone else find this? My daughter has hot meals at lunch and then eats at after school club so never wants anything more than a snack when she gets home. I'm usually quite good when my boyfriend comes to stay on a Monday as I have someone else to cook for. I know what I need to do i'm just quite lazy! but if I getting better with meal planning, i'll spend less money on food which will give me money for throwing at my debt. Which is definitely a good thing.
    • riotlady
    • By riotlady 2nd Mar 18, 12:43 PM
    • 96 Posts
    • 230 Thanks
    riotlady
    Just wanted to pop in and say good luck! Sounds like your head is in a really good place
    Make £2018 in 2018 challenge-
    £509/£2018
    • LearningtoAdult
    • By LearningtoAdult 2nd Mar 18, 1:24 PM
    • 29 Posts
    • 65 Thanks
    LearningtoAdult
    Just wanted to pop in and say good luck! Sounds like your head is in a really good place
    Originally posted by riotlady
    Thanks. I feel in a good place and I feel like there has been a huge shift in my thinking about money. That has, in part, been due to the amount of times that I have spent on these boards there are so many knowledgeable people on here.
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 2nd Mar 18, 6:48 PM
    • 53,939 Posts
    • 213,716 Thanks
    beanielou
    Happy shiny new diary
    Keep posting!
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 11 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger.
    • LearningtoAdult
    • By LearningtoAdult 2nd Mar 18, 7:31 PM
    • 29 Posts
    • 65 Thanks
    LearningtoAdult
    Cashed out £2.75 on Opinion Outpost today so when that goes through it will go straight into my amazon account. This will take my account up too £37.20. I've got a few other accounts that are due to cash out soon so i'm hoping that will go up to £50 by the end of the month.

    I do valued opinions and I've decided that rather than getting my usual amazon vouchers i'm going to get Argos vouchers this time as my daughter needs to move out of her toddler soon. I've seen a bed in there that I like so i'm going to try and get as many vouchers from them to help cut down the cost.
    • wishingthemortgaheaway
    • By wishingthemortgaheaway 2nd Mar 18, 8:45 PM
    • 1,319 Posts
    • 6,140 Thanks
    wishingthemortgaheaway
    I'm mooching through diaries (avoiding doing the chores).

    With regards to eating better, could you batch cook something on a Monday when your boyfriend is there, the. Portion it up and put the left overs in one person size meals in the freezer? I do this regularly as hubby works away a lot.

    Lasagne, curries, stews, all work well as 'Home made ready meals'
    It will take a few weeks to build up some variations, but will save you money and help you eat better long term.
    The 100 payment countdown (each payment = £400) 2018 Starts at 13/100 o/s £34,750.
    Jan 18 14/100 Feb 15/100 March 18/100 April 19/100
    Term Mortgage free date: October 2029 Current mortgage free date: April 2025 March 2024 Jan 2024
    MFW 2018 Challenge Member #162 £1600ish/£2,500
    • LearningtoAdult
    • By LearningtoAdult 3rd Mar 18, 2:42 PM
    • 29 Posts
    • 65 Thanks
    LearningtoAdult
    I'm mooching through diaries (avoiding doing the chores).

    With regards to eating better, could you batch cook something on a Monday when your boyfriend is there, the. Portion it up and put the left overs in one person size meals in the freezer? I do this regularly as hubby works away a lot.

    Lasagne, curries, stews, all work well as 'Home made ready meals'
    It will take a few weeks to build up some variations, but will save you money and help you eat better long term.
    Originally posted by wishingthemortgaheaway
    I do usually end up batch cooking but I then never fancy what I've got in! Which I know is me just being lazy. It's the same with me taking food to work. Stuff that i buy in Tesco always seems more appealing than home made sandwiches!

    I have been good this week and I have bought food from home every day. So my lunches at work are at least getting better.

    Planning is definitely the key and being stricter on myself will definitely help. Maybe I need to give myself one day a week where I am allowed to buy food so that it doesn't seem like i'm too strict on myself! Which I realise seems ridiculous but it seems to satisfy my weird brain!
    • LearningtoAdult
    • By LearningtoAdult 4th Mar 18, 6:24 PM
    • 29 Posts
    • 65 Thanks
    LearningtoAdult
    Got my opinion outpost voucher so that's gone straight into my amazon account. My VO is sitting at £7.50 and has been for a few days. I keep getting surveys and then getting screened out which is really frustrating. Just seen there are a few more on there now so may have a go and see if I can boost that figure!
    • LearningtoAdult
    • By LearningtoAdult 6th Mar 18, 9:11 PM
    • 29 Posts
    • 65 Thanks
    LearningtoAdult
    So I've still not managed to cash out on VO but I did on crowdology so I've got a £10 voucher coming my way soon.

    I also but £100 into my emergency fund which is quite exciting as I've never had savings before! I set up a separate account with Tesco so I do have a card for it but I've just filed the card and pin in my file so i'm not tempted to use it but I can access the money if I need to get hold of it.

    I've also started getting the payment details from all my creditors so I've spent the evening setting up their payment details in my account so I can start paying them my token payments. I feel like things are slowly coming together which is nice. I'm off to read some other diaries to keep me on track! I find it really motivational reading other peoples diaries and coming on this site definitely keeps me motivated.
    • Scott_Weiland
    • By Scott_Weiland 6th Mar 18, 10:04 PM
    • 799 Posts
    • 2,013 Thanks
    Scott_Weiland
    Which survey sites are you using???? List them I am kind of a survey guru note my ytd signature.
    Cashback Earnings YTD £46.04 Survey Earnings YTD £182.66
    "Always always train, be the best version of you that you can physically be"
    • LearningtoAdult
    • By LearningtoAdult 7th Mar 18, 4:27 PM
    • 29 Posts
    • 65 Thanks
    LearningtoAdult
    Which survey sites are you using???? List them I am kind of a survey guru note my ytd signature.
    Originally posted by Scott_Weiland
    I use valued opinions, onepoll, yougov, panel opinion, ipsos, prolific academic, opinion outpost, crowdology and populous live.
    • LearningtoAdult
    • By LearningtoAdult 7th Mar 18, 8:00 PM
    • 29 Posts
    • 65 Thanks
    LearningtoAdult
    I got my crowdology voucher through today which is much quicker than I was expecting as it says up to 3 weeks on their website. So that's gone straight into my amazon account which is sitting at £47.20 so i'm definitely in track to hit my £50 target for the end of the month.

    I'm not sure how much i'm aiming to save in vouchers for Christmas but i'm just trying to get as much saved as possible in order to lighten the load! I think £200 would be a good amount to aim for and at the rate i'm going at the moment that should definitely be doable.

    I also have a couple of apps on my phone , Shopprize, Receipt hog and Shoppix which I take photos of my receipts and get points. I usually get about £5 a months from doing that which all adds up in the end.

    I also have £100 sat in my Quidco account which I'm waiting to be confirmed so I can cash out, it seems to be really slow at paying out at the moment which is quite frustrating. Not sure if anyone else has that problem or if it's just me?
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