Worried about son's debts

OP, I think you might be right to have some concerns. You will know your son better than anyone else, and you'll know whether he's someone who is financially astute and can manage that debt, or someone living beyond his means where the debt may continue to rise. To me, its a bit six of one and half a dozen of the other. With that income, they can afford the debt, but with that income, you'd have thought they could afford not to get into debt? Suppose it depends what you are used to.
I got into real debt trouble in 2005, but it really started 10 years before that. If my mum had known, and had a word a few years earlier, it may have stopped the downward cycle for me, I don't know. The difficulty is between having a concerned word, and interfering with his life. If as you say, he was embarrassed that you saw his debt, it does suggest that he may not necessarily be as at ease with it as he says. Then again if he owns his house with an affordable mortgage, and all things considered he is in a good situation, then it could look worse (for you) than it really is. On the other hand, there's always the unforeseen future e.g. redundancy, ill health etc. I think it is part of the job description of being a mum to worry, but approached in the right way I would have thought you could have a quiet word with him even if it's just to put your mind at ease.

I have to say that I would be worried like you OP. However, he does seem to have something to show for the debt like a car and possibly they have holidays abroad? If there was nothing to show for the debt and he was constantly broke then I would be worried and wanting to know what was going on.


I have tried to drum into my son to always be sensible and that debt is not a good thing but he is in his final year of Uni - so already has debt from that. WE have helped him and he still comes home in the holidays. Now will be the testing time when he goes out into the big world and gets and job and has to find accommodation etc.,

To add to Bigphil's comments above, as to whether their income might mean that they could afford not to get into debt, I think that depends on location to an extent. As someone who lives in one of the pricier parts of the country, £70k between them might be needed just for a 2 bed house with a good chunk going on mortgage payments; which might then mean that cars are financed. I mention this as we recently looked at moving to a cheaper part of the country (DH's potential posting in a couple of years time) and I can't get over the difference in house prices, I had no idea of the gap.


Anyway, personally I've never confessed to having any debt to my parents. I always thought they'd be horrified, and yes, I would be embarrassed, because they've not had credit card debt (though this is partly because it wasn't a thing when they were in their 20/30s!). I watched a programme last night in which the self confessed heavy credit card user said that she was of a generation whereby if she wanted it, she spent it on the card, and would deal with the consequences later. Hmmmm... as a fellow millennial I'm not sure I want to be tarred with that brush! I think the point to take away there is that how "bad" that figure is, is made up of the attitude towards it. Perhaps the OP can take some comfort in the fact that her son and daughter-in-law know how much debt they have, and they seem to be managing it wisely by taking a 0% card and paying it down? There are plenty of people out there who can't actually tell you what they owe, at what rate, and whether that's a good or bad "deal".