Omg feeling sick

flye966 · 11 October 2016 at 1:09PM

Well I have today sat down and done a budget . I have been reading though the site and forum and think I will start a diary for my own ref and to motivate me . long and short is budget says I over spend by 500 a mth. I was expecting to be in the red but not by this much . I am self employed so income changes from week to week but I have tried to under estimate my income. when ends don't meet I do tend to fall back on credit cards , then tell myself its ok because I swop them round for no or little interest.as time has gone on my monthly outgoing on credit card repayments is 310. I do realise this has to be sorted but like an alcoholic I know its wrong but keep doing it . I don't tend to spend on my self but children and grandchildren are my big drain .if they need it I have to try to find it or my credit card does . all together my dept is 18.213 cc and 1000 in overdrafts .there I have put it in black and white ..... how bad is that .

I must dash to work and will spend rest of day thinking of what I can do to turn thing around . one idea I have is swop my business account to personal as I,m a sole trader and as long as I keep thing separate I could save 250yr in bank charges ... for which I don't see as I benefit anything .
my husband doesn't know the extent of my cc dept and I want to keep it that way if I can .I know if I told him and we both pulled together we could sort it but I am to ashamed and want to do this myself.
I will come back to computer to start my diary and look for more inspiration tomorrow .

National_Debtline · 11 October 2016 at 1:52PM

Hi

It’s a good idea to contact Business Debtline. They can help you account for your fluctuating income, and will factor in that you're self-employed when they go through advice with you.

www.businessdebtline.org

James
@natdebtline

EssexHebridean · 11 October 2016 at 2:00PM

Well done for facing your situation - that's the first and hardest step taken. Next is to fix it.

I was self employed for six years, including having multiple income streams for a while. I ran EVERYTHING through my personal bank account - as long as you keep detailed figures it should work OK for you.

Next step now is to put together an SOA (the link is in the sticky post at the top of the board) and post it in here (format for MSE as per the instructions on the website) and we can take a look and see if we can see anywhere for savings to be made, which you may have missed.

I can't urge you strongly enough to talk this through with your husband - yes his first reaction will probably be astonishment that you're where you are, but at the end of the day he loves you and as you rightly say it'll be easier to deal with together, even if you tell him you want to pay the debts off on your own, his sup-port will make a world of difference. I promise you 100% he'll be far more disappointed, hurt and upset if he finds out afterwards that you didn't tell him about it.

As for your kids/Grandkids - I'm afraid the time has come to rein things in. It goes without saying that you want to do stuff for them, but that can be time just as easily as money. How old are the Grandchildren? There's masses of ways you can give to them without it always needing to cost money, and I bet your kids would be horrified if they knew you were putting yourself into debt for them.

tlc678910 · 11 October 2016 at 4:52PM

Hi,
Now you have done your budget you can see that you cannot afford to subsidise your children and grandchildren any more (you spend £500 a month more than you earn and have substantial debt).

Now that you are aware of that if you hear that they need/ would like xxxx and can't afford it I think you need to reply "I'm sorry but neither can I".

Perhaps there are occasions where you help out with bills or treat them only to see them buy things you would not spend money on shortly after? Holidays? iPhones? Meals out? But whether they are spenders or thrifty and under pressure the reality is simply you don't have the money to help.

Is it possible you could help them out with things that don't cost you? for example minding children while they work overtime or spending time with the kids doing fun but cheap activities such as park, den building, baking etc

Good luck

flye966 · 11 October 2016 at 10:49PM

I have a grandson that is 6mths and another due in a month . I have been thinking today that I will speak to my daughters and say I need to pay some thing off and won't be able to help or buy much for the near future . I know they will understand

flye966 · 11 October 2016 at 10:56PM

Thankyou for your advice.i am going to explain to my daughters that i cant help out financial anymore and I also know I need to speak to my husband but I might have to build myself up to that hurdle

flye966 · 11 October 2016 at 11:00PM

How right you are in saying that I have helped out with food or bills only to find out that they are going pit for a meal

flye966 · 11 October 2016 at 11:27PM

Thankyou James ,I will contact business debt line as soon as possible.

EssexHebridean · 12 October 2016 at 9:27AM

flye966 wrote: »

Thankyou for your advice.i am going to explain to my daughters that i cant help out financial anymore and I also know I need to speak to my husband but I might have to build myself up to that hurdle

Speak to your husband before your daughters. He's actually the more important one in this equation, and if he gets any feeling that he is the "last to know" (even if he's not!) then it won't help the situation. My OH had some substantial debt when we were first together. It was several years down the line before I found out the full extent - and at the point where I did I felt so let down by the fact that he'd (as I saw it) not trusted me enough to say anything, it nearly killed our relationship. Added to that I felt a huge sense of guilt that I'd encouraged days out etc that as I subsequently found out he simply couldn't afford.

Get your SOA done ASAP, then you have something physical to sit down with him and talk over. Good luck.

Nasqueron · 12 October 2016 at 9:30AM

I think you'll need to check if you can operate a business through a personal bank account, you will find threads on this board where people have accounts closed down for doing that

enjoyyourshoes · 12 October 2016 at 4:13PM

LPG at the 'real' costs of all your debts (including OD charges admin fees etc) and prioritise which debt you need to pay off first.

Reconcile your bank account daily and don't go into OD

Cut up your C & don't use any form of credit (as you currently can not manage it)

Stop spending ! (really easy to say and type, but work out why you are spending and avoid those situations, temptations, triggers. Its often psychological, so work that one through with yourself.

Stop fags, mags, booze, coffee late, extended warranties, TV subscription, mobile phones, etc etc

start living within your own financial envelope and throw every spare penny against the debts

Omg feeling sick

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