Recovery from reckless spending

SeekingRedemption · 10 July 2017 at 10:26PM

Hi all,

I've been occasional reader of this forum for quite a while, but I've never logged on. I've decided to sign up because I recognise that I need to turn my life around, and that I need support & advice.

I've always been a very straight-laced person. Always worked full-time, sensible with money, honest, loyal...etc, and I always pitied people who seemed to make a mess of their lives, without ever thinking it could happen to me.

A couple of years ago, I was made redundant from a job I'd been in for years. I quickly got a new job, which I enjoyed, but I found the change in circumstances overwhelming, and went through a period of anxiety and depression. Shortly afterwards, my wife of 12 years (and the mother of my children) told me she didn't love me anymore and that she wanted me to move out. Then shortly after that, I was diagnosed with a serious health problem (which I won't go into).

Over the last 12 months, whilst continuing to 'function' (ie. performing ok at work, being present for my children when needed) I've gone completely off the rails. Drinking heavily (usually alone), unable to stop, stumbling out of nightclubs into daylight. Waking up with no recollection of the previous night, but with strip club receipts for insane amounts of money stuffed into my pockets (I'd never attended, or even had the desire to attend strip clubs prior to this period). Gambling heavily, more drinking...etc Basically living like some sort of 70s hellraiser. And everytime I sobered up and spent 3-4 days feeling overwhelmingly depressed, I'd rationalise my actions as those of a man 'going through a hard time' and resolve that it was the last time. But it never was.

Well, this time I know it has to stop. I'm almost £20k in debt, and whilst I can afford the replayments at the moment, I know if it carries on much longer I'll get myself in serious financial trouble, or worse.

I'm going to do an SOA, I'm going to rigorously plan a budget, and I'm going to claw my way out of this mess I've got myself into. I'm also going to see my GP about talking therapies for my depression (I'm already on medication). I am thoroughly ashamed of myself, and the guilt I feel about the money I've squandered may never leave me. But I don't want this to be the end of my story, I want a happy ending.

If you got to the end of all that, thank you. I hope you can be a source of advice and support, and that I in turn can support and advise others when I reach the other side.

Cheers

Danny

EssexHebridean · 11 July 2017 at 9:51AM

Danny - good for you for picking yourself up and giving yourself a shake. The hardest bit is now done - you've faced your situation. It sounds as though whilst it may be a tough road clearing it you've caught yourself in time to make it achievable in not too great a timescale - get that SOA done and posted and we'll have a look and see what you can do.

Remember to make the SOA accurate to the situation as it really is, don't be writing in figures that you think we expect to see as that's not helpful for you.

National_Debtline · 11 July 2017 at 12:26PM

Hi Danny and welcome to MSE,

Well done for posting here and starting your new chapter. Once we can see your SOA we will be able to guide you more easily. If you are up to date and managing the payments it may be a case of looking to overpay the higher APR debts and/or look at 0% balance transfers to help your payments make more impact.

If the payments have (or could) become unaffordable then we can talk you through how to renegotiate with the debts to pay what you can, or getting the help of a free DMP. And, if things may be unaffordable long term we could even look at the insolvency options. So there are lots of options out there to help, it is about finding the one that will suit you the most.

However, lets do this one step at a time and start with a SOA. Best of luck,

Laura
@natdebtline

rockabillygirl · 11 July 2017 at 8:59PM

Hello Danny, there will be others along far more knowledgeable than I to offer advice, but want to wish you all the very best for moving forward in life x

consultant31 · 12 July 2017 at 2:44AM

Hello Danny. There are others on here who can help you financially far better than I can but I'd like to congratulate you on your first step back to your old self.

My son-in-law had a drinking and gambling problem, which I believe, inevitably leads to a debt problem. In his case, he had kept it from everyone in the family for a long time, then he and his wife (my daughter) had a baby and shortly after, everything fell apart.

My daughter asked him to leave and he slept in his van for a while in a pub car park. Anyway, long story short - he banned himself from all online gambling sites, went into all the bookies he'd ever used and asked them to ban him from the premises and joined Gamblers Anonymous, then he started going to AA meetings, every night after work.

We're now 18 months on and I genuinely believe that he has turned his life around.

You need to post the SOA for financial help from the people on here, but join all the groups who can help you with your addictions, they're very good, non-judgmental and will (if you're committed) steer you on the right course.

Good luck

SeekingRedemption · 12 July 2017 at 10:38AM

Hi guys. I really appreciate your supportive comments. It means a lot. I've set aside this evening to do a SOA, which will take a little courage if I'm honest, but it will hopefully allow me to step forward with a clear head and a plan. I've been looking at the 'earn £10 a day' thread which is a great idea, and something I'm going to try. £300 per month would more than cover the payment on my loan (my largest debt by far), and I've got literally thousands of books, CDs & DVDs I can sell. Hope is a wonderful thing, and just acknowledging I've got a problem (challenge!) on my hands has lifted a lot of weight off my shoulders.

SeekingRedemption · 12 July 2017 at 7:37PM

Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet

Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 1
Number of children in household......... 0
Number of cars owned.................... 1

Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 2400
Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
Benefits................................ 0
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 2400

Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 435
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 550
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 88
Electricity............................. 29
Gas..................................... 29
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 21
Telephone (land line)................... 0
Mobile phone............................ 59
TV Licence.............................. 12
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 45
Internet Services....................... 0
Groceries etc. ......................... 120
Clothing................................ 20
Petrol/diesel........................... 100
Road tax................................ 14
Car Insurance........................... 113
Car maintenance (including MOT).........60
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 0
Childcare/nursery....................... 0
Other child related expenses............ 0
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 8.60
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 0
Contents insurance...................... 0
Life assurance ......................... 23.44
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)......40
Haircuts................................ 10
Entertainment........................... 0
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 0
Charity................................. 0
Adobe................................... 0
Total monthly expenses.................. 1777.04

Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 135000 (shared with ex-wife so really £70k)
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 4000
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ £74000

Mortgage - £84000 (again, shared with wife so 42k)

Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt
TSB Loan .....................14225
Overdraft......................2060 (although likely to be nearer to £3k by end of month)
Barclays CC...................515
TSB CC..........................1595

Total unsecured debts..........£18395

Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income....................2400
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1778
Available for debt repayments........... 622
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 330
Amount left after debt repayments....... 292

Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 74k
Total HP & Secured debt................. - 42k
Total Unsecured debt.................... - 18.3k
Net Assets.............................. £13.7k

I hope that's not to difficult to understand for a first attempt! For groceries and entertainment I've put what I'm planning to pay going forward, rather than what I have been paying.

Being recently separated, some items are a bit tricky. To summarise:

- I'm still paying the mortgage and insurance on the house my ex-wife and kids live in, which counts as my 'child support' for the time being
- My ex-wife can't afford to buy me out of the mortgage because she's part-time
- I'm not sure I'll get 50% of the equity anyway (she may get more due to the kids living with her)

Another thing to mention is that I'm a salesman, so my income fluctuates, so I've put down what I get more-or-less on average.

The Barclays card has a limit of £8800, and I can transfer the balance interest free until Oct 2018 (2% fee), so switching the TSB CC and the overdraft onto that might by wise?

Thanks for reading. I'd really welcome any advice.

Lucylocks · 13 July 2017 at 8:07AM

Hi, I really admire your honesty. Hopefully this forum will give you the support to turn your situation into a positive outcome.

Couple of points that immediately strike me about your SOA are mobile phone and car insurance; both very high. Are you able too shop around for better deal in these 2?

Also, you mentioned having kids. I would suggest a budgeted amount into entertainment for things to do with the kids. If you can get into a routine with regards accces to the children it will help you get into a pattern of behaviour which will hopefully reduce the temptation of slipping back into old habits. Routine can be a dull prospect but when you're trying to break a pattern of behaviour it is essential. Will also help forge strong relationships with your kids through whatever is going in with your marriage.

For ongoing support have a look at starting a debt free diary on here

Good luck!

Nagme · 13 July 2017 at 11:10AM

Best of luck going forward. I think you definitely saw where it could potentially go. I think alcohol can cause depression / low mood.

SeekingRedemption · 13 July 2017 at 11:50AM

Thank you Lucy. I have the kids a 2-3 times a week so I think your idea is very sensible! I will budget £80 in, I think.

Phone contract - runs out in January, at which point I'll seek to switch to SIM only.

Car insurance - it doubled when I changed my details (moved to a higher-crime area, changed status from married to separated, removed my wife as named driver). Renewal is due in 4 months so I'll be shopping around.

I'll start a diary. I scanned a load of old books last night and was offered over £80!

SeekingRedemption · 13 July 2017 at 11:54AM

Thank you. Alcohol definitely left me in a depressed & anxious state for days after a 'bender'. When you throw in the fact that I'd usually wasted an absolute fortune the night before, it added up to some seriously grim times. I'm going to keep the Red Hot Chilli Peppers lyric "I don't ever wanna feel like I did that day" in mind constantly.

Recovery from reckless spending

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