Emotional Spending Help

dionysia wrote: »

This is also my problem - and like you, I also have similar issues with food! I think they're very common. In some ways using spending and food to deal with emotions is part of our culture, think of 'retail therapy' or the idea of cake and chocolates as 'a treat'. I'm still dealing with it but much better than I used to be. Some things I've tried that I think have helped:

- Cognitive behavioural therapy - this is a kind of psychological treatment that focuses on identifying harmful thought patterns and challenging or reframing them. So for instance if you have an argument with someone and your usual response would be to get online and buy a new dress, CBT will help you catch that thought, connect it to the argument, and redirect your thoughts elsewhere. You might be able to access a course free or cheaply through any work mental health assistance that might be available to you (or through your GP if you can persuade them you need it badly enough and are prepared to wait for months and months), but there are lots of practical books you'll be able to get from the library and worksheets you can download from the internet.

- Mindfulness. Not that dissimilar to CBT in that it helps you to notice your thought patterns and just be with them. For me, this has meant being able to just sit with the feeling of desperately wanting to buy whatever thing, feeling the feelings that brought on the craving to shop (or eat), and letting myself be sad that no, I can't have the thing. This will sound a bit feeble to people who don't have emotional spending issues, but certainly for me the feeling that I 'have' to spend the money on whatever it is is very real - it just isn't true (or as one of my favourite practices puts it, 'feelings aren't facts'). Again lots of books available, video/audio of practices on youtube, or apps like Headspace and Calm. Fundamentally, to stop emotional spending you need to find other ways of managing your emotions and mindfulness can help with that. So can new hobbies or habits, something to do that's not spending/eating - I started drinking herbal teas instead of wine and I paint (very, very bad) watercolours. I understand some people get on well taking up running. (Although you do have to be careful to not just give yourself something that you then justify spending lots on because you need stuff for it, so pick a new hobby carefully that doesn't need too much equipment!)

- I like to listen to the Dave Ramsey podcast for a short sharp dose of motivation, he's not touchy-feely at all, but listening to him screech 'rice and beans, beans and rice!' at people who ring him up about their debt problems can be a bit of a kick up the bum.

- I read one of Geneen Roth's books about money and food and found it helpful, it's a bit more woo but it made me reflect on my own relationship with them both. Same with Alex Jamieson's book. I like Cait Flanders' blog and archives. Other podcasts I like are the Art of Money podcast, Bad with Money with Gaby Dunn, and Her Money Matters which all have episodes about emotional spending and just generally help me to be more intentional about money.

- There are practical tips like cut up the credit card or change the PIN to something you don't know off the top of your head, take your debt card details off your computer so it doesn't autofill, only use cash, you can get programs that block sites, stash 'spare' money in an account you can't access too easily, carry a reminder in your purse of a special goal you want to save up for, change your lunchtime routine or way home so you're not passing the shops. Have a think about your spending, when, where and how you do it, and figure out ways to not give yourself those opportunities to shop anymore.

Good luck! We'll get there .