New Career?

Lostinlife · 23 February 2019 at 8:21AM

Hi folks,

So an odd one here. I’m becoming incredibly unhappy at work. I work at a company that’s growing rapidly.

I commute into London 3 days a week and work from home 2 days a week. My commute is 1:40 each way, which is another factor here, as I’m simply becoming exhausted from it. I regularly get lost in thought, when mid sentence, I can’t sleep anymore due to work stress and I’m finding some the smallest things hard to do - ie. listening properly to a conversation, short term memory and easy work tasks.

I’m 30 and my salary is £80k with equity vesting over 4 years. I’ve been with this company for just under a year.

I’m planning my future career, and my current life just doesn’t fit. I’m an office worker, essentially project management - which I’ve been doing for the past 8 years.

I’d love to be a garden designer, work in conversation, horticulture or perhaps proceed down the counselling route.

However, it’s a huge drop in salary. Gardening/conservation apprentices are looking like minimum wage.

Am I just being ridiculous here and should I just find ways of dealing with my current job? Mindfulness, detach from the craziness within the company?

I’ve thought about moving companies and I’m already interviewing, but the thought of just going to another office and doing the same just creates a sinking feeling.

I don’t have any kids, my wife is a software engineer. So we would still be bringing in good money, but I can’t help feeling the thought of failure here, or just giving up and letting a high paid, stressful career go.

Not sure what I’m looking for here, but maybe advice from other people who have done career changes?

EnterUserName · 23 February 2019 at 10:05AM

I'm going through a similar thought process now. Use some of that commute time for some soul searching and decide what is important to you and your loved ones (hopefully you're aligned)

Happiness is different to different people but one thing is for sure, life is too short to be unhappy. People judge their worth (and the worth of others) by different metrics, I for one have learnt not to give give two !!!! about what other people think. Salary? Job title? Having a flash car and huge house? Spending time doing what you like?

Decide what is important to you and work towards it. As the old adage goes "there's not many deathbed confessions wishing they'd spent more time in the office"

theoretica · 23 February 2019 at 11:08AM

Major conservation projects need someone to manage them.
Shorter work hours or commute would give you more time and energy for volunteering or projects of your own.
How tied are you to your area through your wife's work and personal ties?

Strummer22 · 23 February 2019 at 11:39AM

Lostinlife wrote: »

...or just giving up and letting a high paid, stressful career go.

I think your answer is right there. Who wants a stressful career? Those that thrive in classically high-stress environments don't actually find them stressful, they find them exciting. If that's not you you'll always be miserable and then how will you be able to enjoy the things your high salary can afford you?

You may have to take a short-term pay hit but with a few years' experience in a new sector there you'll be surprised how the opportunities open up for someone skilled like yourself who is clearly capable of holding down a high-paying role (that you don't even enjoy!).

Lostinlife · 24 February 2019 at 2:17PM

Thanks for the comments so far, it’s appreciated.

My wife commutes to London a couple of days a week and works the rest at home - she’s pretty happy right now, so that’s a bonus on this whole situation. So we’re relatively tied to some proximity to London, but will become less relevant in future years.

Yeah, I’m thinking of applying for some local part time jobs, which will help give me the time to actually figure things out, while at least covering the household bills. Luckily our mortgage is 200p/m, so that allows some flexibility.

I’ll use the commutes to actually plan the next move and then hopefully can form a concrete plan from there on.

Yeah, I think I finally had my lightbulb moment this morning (the sunshine probably helps!) where I’ve finally realised that the stress, health and exhaustion is simply not worth the job and salary. I’m always too tired to even do anything at the weekend and enjoy life.

jonnygee2 · 24 February 2019 at 6:41PM

I commute into London 3 days a week and work from home 2 days a week. My commute is 1:40 each way, which is another factor here, as I’m simply becoming exhausted from it. I regularly get lost in thought, when mid sentence, I can’t sleep anymore due to work stress and I’m finding some the smallest things hard to do

You earn a lot of money and that does bring a certain amount of long term satisfaction. But, there are people who earn double, triple, quadruple the amount you ear and are still unhappy, and people who earn a quarter of what you do but live perfectly happy and satisfied lives.

You can't sustain the long commute and the amount of stress indefinitely. You are only 30, you have another 30 years or so left to go! And what about kids and a family? It would be unfair to start a family until you have enough time and mental energy to support them properly.

A drop to minimum wage is extreme but if your household income as a whole makes it possible, I wouldn't rule it out. Life is about balance, I don't think it's 'ridiculous' to think about taking active steps to change a situation that is making you unhappy.

Jazee · 24 February 2019 at 7:02PM

I am older than you but after feeling stressed in my highly paid job for two years i took the decision last year with DHs agreement to leave. I took a few weeks out and now have a part time job I love. I'm earning only a quarter of my original salary but we manage ok and have only noticed that we save less. I also have time to do hobbies that I love.

If you can make it work for you I say go for it.

Savvy_Sue · 24 February 2019 at 9:44PM

I think this is something you have to agree with your wife: if she is willing to take the joint hit on salary, and you can agree what your priorities are, then do it.

DH changed job roles completely many years ago and as a result we swapped roles: I went back to work f/t and he went p/t and took over the childcare. But we agreed we were willing to do it, and I'd encouraged him before that to change jobs when he was frustrated and unhappy.

However, the other thing I'd reckon as important is making sure you've got a decent contingency fund: if you reduce your salary significantly or undergo training, how long can you cope for if something also happens to your wife's salary? Redundancy, long-term illness etc: a basic 'what would we do if ...' conversation is always a good start!

Lostinlife · 27 February 2019 at 7:24PM

Thanks!

I’ve started to create a plan and started listing different interest areas and things that I’m good at (and enjoy). Then delving deeper into potential careers in those interests, training, diplomas or degrees required, cost, time needed to study and then earning potential.

I’ve got a potential plan for a new career (and involves a good couple of years out, although I could find some part time work).

Luckily, my wife is fully supportive of this, as she’s seen me go downhill over the past couple of years and wants to support a change. She’s luckily in a field that’s in constant demand (Software Engineer).

Potentially with a course starting in September, I can bank a good 6 months of net salary (~25K) (if I can just eek it out). We currently have 10k as a contingency fund, so we should have around £35k cash (minus course costs of course) by September (we’re pretty low spenders in general.

Thanks for the tips re planning for the worst, we’ll look into it.

Thanks for everyone’s replies so far, it’s helped and confirmed what family have been saying to me for the past couple of years. Sometimes you just need completely independent people to point out the obvious for final acceptance of things.

Dean000000 · 27 February 2019 at 7:51PM

Stu_N_ wrote: »

I think your answer is right there. Who wants a stressful career? Those that thrive in classically high-stress environments don't actually find them stressful, they find them exciting.

What a wonderful outlook on job stress.

That resonates strongly with me. :beer:

Ja7188 · 28 February 2019 at 8:52AM

I commute into London 3 days a week and work from home 2 days a week. My commute is 1:40 each way, which is another factor here, as I’m simply becoming exhausted from it. I regularly get lost in thought, when mid sentence, I can’t sleep anymore due to work stress and I’m finding some the smallest things hard to do - ie. listening properly to a conversation, short term memory and easy work tasks.

My first move in your position would be to see whether you can work from home more than 2 days per week - I wonder if your stress is actually more about the commute (which is presumably on a crammed train) rather than the job itself.

If you do go down the gardening & landscaping route, perhaps worth starting off by trying to get some odds and ends of work at the weekends to see how much demand there is in your area - this might give you an idea of how realistic it is to pursue it full-time.

New Career?

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