Broken pact (pre-Christmas no unnecessary present pact)
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JenAmethyst
Posts: 2 Newbie
Has anyone had their pre-nupp pact broken? You agreed no gifting this year but the other person still got you something. Doesn't that make you feel like the worst person ever? Do you cave and go out and buy them something or do you stand your ground?
Broken pre-nupp - do you buy a belated gift? 31 votes
Buy
3%
1 vote
Don't buy
96%
30 votes
0
Comments
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Stand your ground, else it'll escalate again as next year they "buy you something better as this year was just a token gift due to the 'no gift' rule and as you bought them a (better) gift they now feel guilty"
You have to stand your ground, else nothing is learned from the agreement and you'll end up run ragged in a few years.
Say something: mean it. Stick to it. That's how "life" works when you need to set/keep to rules.0 -
I think that was pretty poor of the other person.
A pact is a pact. Stand your ground!Not buying unnecessary toiletries 2024 14/53 UU, 11 IN0 -
I've had this happen to me and I agree with the stick to it, otherwise you'll end up back to buying. Only possibility I can come up with has there been some confusion because one or both of you continued to buy birthday presents?
What happened to me is some years ago Sis-i-law and then husband announced they weren't buying Christmas presents anymore except for children and their Mums (no idea why since they both had Dads too, married to the Mums but hey ho). I had no objection to what was said; the tone in which it was said in was another matter. :silenced: but not a word was said about birthdays, which we also bought for.Sis and Bil have birthdays earlier in the year than me and DH who are both Autumn born.So we gave and received birthday presents that year and then at Christmas to our surprise we were given xmas presents. Of course we hadn't bought any back so on saying 'Thank you but.......' we got told 'Well, I did say that, but you haven't stuck to it' Only we had, we had continued to buy birthday presents because nothing had been said otherwise.
The following year sis-i-l split up for her husband and though I said we'd not buy as per previous request, DH insisted we did due to her not receiving much otherwise.
So here we are, several years on, still buying including the new husband and our now grown up Niece who earns more than I do and doesn't buy anything for us herself.
When my own sister a few years back told me to buy for kids only, I clarified she meant on birthdays too!0 -
From another thread:My far-better half and I decided that - having had such a heavy-spending year for various reasons - we would not buy for each other. Stocking-fillers only, we said. Well I hope she's got some very stretchy stockings because I spent almost my entire bonus on her BUT everything will fit in a stocking. Just not all at once.
Otherwise many of the suggestions here seem to fit our spending at say up to £50 a pop for close family, which we've not much of and say £10 to £20 for friends.If me & my OH had agreed that and he'd broken that agreement by spending his bonus, I'd be absolutely furious with him.
Someone I know did exactly what you've done & it ruined Christmas for both of them.
His partner refused to speak to him.
I did warn him that she wouldn't be happy.
I would not be pleased if we had an agreement not to buy gifts and that agreement was broken.I've had this happen to me and I agree with the stick to it, otherwise you'll end up back to buying. Only possibility I can come up with has there been some confusion because one or both of you continued to buy birthday presents?
What happened to me is some years ago Sis-i-law and then husband announced they weren't buying Christmas presents anymore except for children and their Mums (no idea why since they both had Dads too, married to the Mums but hey ho). I had no objection to what was said; the tone in which it was said in was another matter. :silenced: but not a word was said about birthdays, which we also bought for.Sis and Bil have birthdays earlier in the year than me and DH who are both Autumn born.So we gave and received birthday presents that year and then at Christmas to our surprise we were given xmas presents. Of course we hadn't bought any back so on saying 'Thank you but.......' we got told 'Well, I did say that, but you haven't stuck to it' Only we had, we had continued to buy birthday presents because nothing had been said otherwise.
The following year sis-i-l split up for her husband and though I said we'd not buy as per previous request, DH insisted we did due to her not receiving much otherwise.
So here we are, several years on, still buying including the new husband and our now grown up Niece who earns more than I do and doesn't buy anything for us herself.
When my own sister a few years back told me to buy for kids only, I clarified she meant on birthdays too!
Be proactive if the arrangement doesn't suit you (and it sounds like it doesn't).
PS - a bit confused by the 'pre-nupp' reference.
Doesn't pre-nup relate to marriage?0 -
This really gets on my nerves, when people do this, receiving a gift in these circumstances doesn't bring pleasure, it makes you feel bad - if people have agreed, they should stick to it, rather than insisting on buying tatThe opposite of what you know...is also true0
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Doesn't bother me. Me and my friend agreed not to buy. She did and gave me it and said she saw it and just bought it.
I loved it, didn't feel bad I didn't get her anything.
She didn't do it to upset me I know that.Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....0 -
As for this ^^^^ , I'd simply announce that you had decided not to buy birthday or Christmas presents.
Be proactive if the arrangement doesn't suit you (and it sounds like it doesn't).
As it happens, I'll go along with it for now and ask to review the situation when my youngest becomes an adult.0 -
Too late. It wasn't me who made the initial announcement, so because birthdays which we also bought for hadn't been mentioned, we continued to buy (she'd said they weren't buying at Christmastime, not they weren't buying any presents). Then DH wanted to buy as she was a single parent (I can understand his viewpoint) and when he has since, now she's in different circs, said 'don't bother' we get 'don't you like to receive a present from me?'
As it happens, I'll go along with it for now and ask to review the situation when my youngest becomes an adult.
I meant for next Christmas, not the one just gone & for future birthdays.0 -
I meant for next Christmas, not the one just gone & for future birthdays.0
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No don't buy ! My husband done this this year. We agreed a small budget of no more than £50 on each other. As we have 4 children, saving for a bigger house etc. Low and behold he had to go way over this and put money in with my gifts.
It made me feel bad and I considered buying him stuff this week. But I've decided not to, we had a sensible plan and I stuck with it! So I'm not going to feel bad, I'm going to go out and FrIday and treat myself with the money.0
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