Nice way of saying no thanks?

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fatblackandwhite
fatblackandwhite Posts: 606 Forumite
in Special occasions & other celebrations
Every year for the past few years, my brother and his wife (and sometimes their grown up son as well) have bought me either a Jo Malone candle or a reed diffuser at Christmas. I don't want to seem ungrateful, but they are so expensive (for what they are) and I don't actually like the smells. (I am more of a Yankee Candle kind of smell person). Every year I decide I am going to tell them I don't want any more but I always bottle it. Truth is, I would rather a pair of socks/pyjamas from Primark. How can I tell them no more without hurting their feelings? (He is a lot older than me so we didn't grow up together so don't have a really close relationship).
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  • System
    System Posts: 178,094 Community Admin
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    Drop a hint that you're really in need of pjamas at the moment?
    Awkward thing is when buying something like that for someone though is finding out their size etc.... bound to be a bit awkward so people tend not to do it unless they're really close.

    Great thing about Jo Malone items is they're so popular they sell on well!
  • sheramber
    sheramber Posts: 19,136 Forumite
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    If you have contact before Christmas tell them you found a great Yankee candle in such and such fragrance , which you would love to have.
  • fairy_lights
    fairy_lights Posts: 9,220 Forumite
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    Say something about how you absolutely love the Jo Malone stuff they normally get you, but the reed diffuser they got you last year gave you really itchy eyes and a runny nose. You think you might have developed an allergy to the oils used. It's funny really because you never have the same reaction when using Yankee Candles...


    Or, sell you Jo Malone gifts on Ebay on boxing day.
  • ska_lover
    ska_lover Posts: 3,773 Forumite
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    No I wouldn't say anything - you barely see close enough to have that kind of conversation , i would just charity shop it
    The opposite of what you know...is also true
  • tiz
    tiz Posts: 107 Forumite
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    Ask him what he'd like. Then when he tells you, turn it around and say 'Thanks, and if you are looking for ideas for me - I saw some pyjamas I really loved in Primark'.
  • 7roland8
    7roland8 Posts: 3,601 Forumite
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    Just accept whats given - far easier to just sell on ebay afterwards than risk hurting their feelings.
    Personally I wouldn't think it was worth it. And its bad form I think to say what you'd like unless you are asked.
    Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day. -- Sally Koch
  • Katiehound
    Katiehound Posts: 7,557 Forumite
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    Well, I'd be saying something along the line of:

    'Sorry if I am being a bit bold/presumptuous/ impertinent but I guess you are choosing me a Christams present and I'd just like to say that I've run out of spaces to put candles and diffusers.
    I wonder if you'd consider getting me some pyjamas instead.? I've seen some great ones in Primark in size X and my current ones are wearing thin!

    If someone is going to spend a lot of money on you, how much better to buy a gift that is really appreciated
    Being polite and pleasant doesn't cost anything! --
    Many thanks
    -Stash bust:in 2022:337
    Stash bust :2023. 120duvets, 24 bags, 43 dog coats, 2 scrunchies, 10 mittens, 6 bootees, 8 glass cases, 2 A6 notebooks, 59 cards, 6 lav bags,36 angels,9 bones, 1 knee blanket, 1 lined bag,3 owls, 88 pyramids = total 420 total spend £5. Total for 'Dogs for Good' £546.82

    2024:23 Doggy duvets,30 pyramids, 6 hottie covers, 4 knit hats,13 crochet angels,1 shopper, 87cards=164 £86 spent!!!
  • C_J
    C_J Posts: 3,040 Forumite
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    7roland8 wrote: »
    Just accept whats given - far easier to just sell on ebay afterwards than risk hurting their feelings.
    Personally I wouldn't think it was worth it. And its bad form I think to say what you'd like unless you are asked.


    This.

    How awful would your brother feel if he's already bought you the Jo Malone candle?
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,557 Forumite
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    fatblackandwhite wrote: »
    Every year for the past few years, my brother and his wife (and sometimes their grown up son as well) have bought me either a Jo Malone candle or a reed diffuser at Christmas.

    Every year I decide I am going to tell them I don't want any more but I always bottle it.

    Truth is, I would rather a pair of socks/pyjamas from Primark.

    If they have got your likes so wrong up to now, would you really want them choosing what pyjamas you're going to wear? It would be really difficult for someone who doesn't know you very well to make a good choice.

    Do what others have said and sell their present on and buy your own PJs.

    If you really want to stop their choice of presents, you've probably left it a bit late this year. Think of having a word during next year, well before Christmas.

    (Of course, it's also possible that they don't like Jo Malone candles either and are re-gifting unwanted presents! :) )
  • C_J
    C_J Posts: 3,040 Forumite
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    Ha ha ha ha! I hadn't thought of that. You're very lucky they're not giving you Baylis and Harding sets :)
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