I'm a mug

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lixhul
lixhul Posts: 104 Forumite
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in Child support
I'm paying my ex £350 a month while being on £22K. She has threatened access to my daughter and has also threatened to tell every secret I have shared with her over the 4 years we were together (nothing illegal).

She now wants £500 a month and we only just agreed the £350 days ago. It started at £90!

I think it's time I got CMS involved myself. Has any father done this before, and is £350 too much to be paying?
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  • CakeCrusader
    CakeCrusader Posts: 1,118 Forumite
    edited 6 May 2019 at 12:40AM
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    You're not a mug, it does sound like your ex is trying to manipulate you though. Unfortunately access isn't connected to maintenance, have you spoken to a solicitor about getting your access ordered by a court?



    It looks as though you are overpaying already, but the CMS calculation is just the bare minimum so you can pay more than this if you're able to, on your salary and assuming you don't care for your child overnight you should be paying around £51 a week (I can't deduct your pension from your income though so this may be out slightly), you can calculate this yourself here; https://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance


    You can contact CMS yourself, if you tell your ex your plan then it's possible that she'll back down as they will calculate a very different amount to what you're currently paying.
  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 4,176 Forumite
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    You'd pay less with the CMS so do that if you want to annoy her back. You can save some of rest for your child's uni.
  • lixhul
    lixhul Posts: 104 Forumite
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    I think I'll do that then. Ill be honest, I need to wait a few months til the secrets are worthless. So I'll pay £350 for a few months then notify her I'm reducing to £250. If she disagrees the £250 I'll contact CMS myself.

    She never out me on the birth certificate either so I'll have to sort they out.

    Pretty sure I've been paying for her trips to London. She met someone else almost immediately and miraculously she's not had enough money since

    I'm a mug, I've been had over since we split. It's because I always tried to believe we'd work if out together. That is obviously long gone now and she's manipulated my feelings.
  • lixhul
    lixhul Posts: 104 Forumite
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    I forgot to mention I have £35K in savings I assume that does not affect CMS amount? £51 a week is what I'm anticipating, so me offering £250 is worthwhile.
  • CakeCrusader
    CakeCrusader Posts: 1,118 Forumite
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    Savings aren't income, and child maintenance is calculated on income only.



    Have you thought of a DNA test, just to make sure? If your name isn't on the birth certificate then you don't have PR (parental responsibility), this means you don't really have a say in where your children go to school etc. This can be sorted out, but you will need to see a solicitor.
  • lixhul
    lixhul Posts: 104 Forumite
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    She's definitely mine, she looks exactly like me and no one has ever had an inclination it was anyone else's, including me. She even let me decide whether to keep her or not.

    I do want to be on the certificate however I'm no longer talking to her, I'm just trying to move on. I planned to wait a month or so for everything to die down and then put the request in.

    I have no idea what the process is but I want a DNA test and to be put on the certificate. Do I have to contact a solicitor or can this be done between us? I assume it'll cost a bit.
  • lixhul
    lixhul Posts: 104 Forumite
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    You've got me worried now lol. I want a DNA test, should I ask her?
  • CakeCrusader
    CakeCrusader Posts: 1,118 Forumite
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    Might be best to see a solicitor and let your ex recover from the maintenance issue first, you don't need to tell her that you've asked for advice. Just tell your ex that you want to be named as your little one's father on the birth certificate and you want to be a bit more involved in their life and with decisions like school etc, and it's important to you that your little one see's your name there when they are older. If your ex puts up a fight over this, then it might be wise to get a DNA test. It's not that expensive, I doubt she'll agree or offer to cover any of the cost though.
  • lixhul
    lixhul Posts: 104 Forumite
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    I've just seen a legal one is about £100, I'll happily pay that. Do I just apply for one of these and once the results have come I apply to be out on the certificate?

    I'm sure she'll agree otherwise she doesn't get any money! Never knew this.
  • lixhul
    lixhul Posts: 104 Forumite
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    So the process is:

    1. Get a legal DNA test
    2. If mine, apply to be put on birth certificate.

    That's it? Whatever it costs I'll pay, I just want my daughter to know I'm her father.
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