"Financial Control "

Barugon · 9 December 2018 at 12:05PM

Hi! I hope that I'm ok posting this here. It's kind of a cry for help, but I'm really hoping that someone can empathise with my situation and, maybe, offer me some advice on how I can get out of this. I'd say I'm a long time lurker on these forums, but I'm more of a long time dipper in and out of these forums. I've taken a tentative plunge and registered, because I'm at my wits end. Again.

I have never had control of my money. Every now and then I start to get a grip and feel pleased with myself, but then I realised I've overlooked something, or I lose focus, and my world crashes. I ignore the problem, start fire fighting, running up debts, spending willy nilly because "what's the point, I'm already screwed" . I budget, using YNAB, but I ignore it for weeks on end when I know that it's not going to balance.

I know that my problems revolve around my mental health. I have depression, medicated, and I find it incredibly difficult to motivate myself to do anything, whether it's for my benefit or not. I know how to set the goals (and I have a DMP through StepChange), I know the theory of moving towards them. I can't maintain any kind of consistency with staying on track.

My house is looking like a bombsite because I've become adept at not seeing it's there. I know it's there, I just don't want to deal with it. At the moment my life is either work, TV binging or coming up with plans to sort my life out and then completely ignoring them. My OH is very similar, which doesn't help at all. We are teaching our kids good money sense, and they are amazing at spending control, etc. but the only example we are setting is the "Don't end up like us" one.

Please, can anyone who's been here before me offer me some advice on how to get ourselves motivated and sort things for good.

datlex · 9 December 2018 at 12:20PM

Hi OP. I found the key for me was separating bills, longer term items and spends into separate accounts, rather than trying to budget from one account. I would suggest that would help you too. Could be savings accounts for the spends/ longer term items.

Barugon · 9 December 2018 at 12:28PM

I have considered using a separate account for daily spends, like groceries. It would prevent us from dipping into the bill money for food and might make us actually consider what we need to buy to keep ourselves alive, rather than what we want to buy because we CBA with cooking that day. I would want to keep it apart from our main bank, though, and have looked at Monzo. Not sure how that would go with my Credit Score, though.

zippygeorgeandben · 9 December 2018 at 3:40PM

Provide us with an SOA but you have to get your OH on board with this too. Can't do it all yourself.

Barugon · 9 December 2018 at 3:54PM

I'm going to get another SOA together and I will post it shortly. However, it's more the staying in control that's the issue, rather than the regular in and outs. We do have tight months, but we easily lose control of our daily spends. That's where the Catch 22 kicks in. See overspends... ignore budget... retail therapy... more overspends. That's the cycle I'm struggling to break, mostly because my depression and inability to commit myself kicks in and I let it all slide.

GlendaSugarbean · 10 December 2018 at 8:42AM

I use Monzo for groceries and fun money, if you request an account without an OD I think you should be able to get one even with a poor credit history.

Be aware though that Monzo is starting to offer more in the way of loans/ODs so you need to be firm about the way you use the account.

Best thing for me is that as soon as you spend the amount pops up on the app. No hiding from impulse purchases! You can also set a monthly budget and have the option of tidying away loose pennies to a savings account.

GlendaSugarbean · 10 December 2018 at 8:51AM

Also, how do you manage a budget / a house / a career / anything? One day at a time. I'm sure there are people out there who can see their long-term goals and all the intervening steps, and go ahead to hit each one, but I am not one of them

. What I can do is choose how to behave / cope today. There will be days when I don't do so well, but every day is a new chance.

Try joining in with one of the daily challenge threads here, or do anything that gives you a little dopamine hit for doing the right thing. Some people have a chart and colour in a square for no- spend days or debt repayments. Some people keep a gratitude diary. Find what works for you, and if it stops working try something different.

Good luck

Pixie5740 · 10 December 2018 at 10:00AM

Shred your credit cards. If you don't physically have them then you can't use them in shops. Get rid of any overdraft facilities. Set up basic bank accounts that won't let you spend what you don't have, 1 for bills and 1 for every day spending.

Think of some long term saving goals, house deposit, new kitchen, holiday, Pinarello road bike*, whatever it is you would like. Then pin a picture of it on the wall or maybe even make a mood board so that you have a physical representation of what you are saving for to keep you focused.

*That's on my wish list.

cado1 · 13 December 2018 at 12:08AM

I set up a Monzo account, best thing i've done in ages apart from facing up to my debt and setting up a DMP seeing how your spending adds up over the day and no pending bloody transactions they always used to catch me out !

The other thing that helps is when you reach a stage where no institution will lend you money because your credit rating is so bad you become more aware that you have to make it to payday as you have no credit.

I have suffered from depression on and off for years and I think to some degree my financial incapability is a direct result of this. Spending does give you a buzz and you feel like you deserve to cheer yourself up, then when you have no money left the week before payday you get down and think whats the point i'll always be in this situation, then you get paid and think you will treat yourself ..................:rotfl:

enthusiasticsaver · 13 December 2018 at 10:12AM

Cut up your credit cards and use cash drawn out weekly. Use distraction wh3n you are feeling low and think you might be tempted to spend. You both need to be on board though. Bad finances lead to depression so it i#a vicious circle.

Barugon · 14 December 2018 at 10:25AM

Thank you all for your advice! I'm definitely feeling more positive about things.

cado1 That's it exactly! It's so easy to get the Takeaway, or some useless tat that seems like the answer to all your problems, when you see the money go in the bank.

However, today I got paid and I've managed to not even consider buying stuff. I've been following the Fly Lady thread over on Old Style Money and I'm buzzing about my (relatively) tidy house instead (GlendaSugarbean, that's working. I'm going to look at some of the financial challenges in the New Year)

I went with a Starling Account in the end. We're planning to go to Canada to see OH's brother in a few years (Long Term Goal, Pixie). The interest on Starling clinched it. I'm only going to use the account for Grocery. That's a big leak for us, though, as we tend to by what we want instead of what we need. I'll have it linked to my Tesco App and on Google Pay, she'll have the card. (I didn't realise they did joint accounts until after I had complete the sign up and checks).

In addition, I have an automated message that sends to OH and me at 8am, just reminding us what the current available Bank Balance is and how much we have left in the Grocery Budget. That was born of procrastination, but it's proven quite effective. It relies on me keeping YNAB up to date, but that's not been an issue. I've got better at it. The reminder seems to be working, OH hasn't overspent this week, and she's reporting in when she does spend as soon as she spends it. Next step is to get her to actually used YNAB.

We haven't had Credit Cards since we started our DMP, so there's no issue there (apart from paying off what we owe on the old ones).

OH is definitely seeing the issues we have now and is getting onboard. She questions everything she buys (as do I) and she's come home with zero tat this week. All I have bought into the house is Groceries, and then only what we need or some yellow labels that I can freeze or use up. Things are totally getting better.

"Financial Control "

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