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    • trking
    • By trking 21st Aug 07, 10:51 PM
    • 12 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    • #2
    • 21st Aug 07, 10:51 PM
    • #2
    • 21st Aug 07, 10:51 PM
    Ben should come clean about his finances and ask Bill to pay for his flight too - or relocate to somewhere in the UK for the wedding and save all the poor guests the costs of attending an overseas wedding. Really people should think of their guests before having a wedding overseas.
    • Middlestitch
    • By Middlestitch 21st Aug 07, 11:21 PM
    • 1,327 Posts
    • 2,431 Thanks
    • #3
    • 21st Aug 07, 11:21 PM
    Don't do it!!
    • #3
    • 21st Aug 07, 11:21 PM
    Agree with previous post to come clean about financial position and see how strong the 'friendship' is then.....
    • Mics_chick
    • By Mics_chick 21st Aug 07, 11:27 PM
    • 11,689 Posts
    • 11,566 Thanks
    • #4
    • 21st Aug 07, 11:27 PM
    • #4
    • 21st Aug 07, 11:27 PM
    I agree that coming clean is the only way to explain what the problem is but a possible compromise on the cost of the flight could be offering to pay what he can comfortably afford and asking his mate to pay the rest ???
    You should never call somebody else a nerd or geek because everybody (even YOU !!!) is an
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  • RSteve
    • #5
    • 21st Aug 07, 11:31 PM
    • #5
    • 21st Aug 07, 11:31 PM
    No of course he shouldn't go. People who insist on having exotic weddings in expensive locations have every right to their choice but if they cannot afford to pay for friends/family to fly over, they have to accept they are putting a real financial burden on people that may just not be able to afford. They certainly couldn't be offended if someone didn't turn up.

    If he's a real friend he must know that Ben isn't wealthy and that the trip might be a problem for him financially. If he didn't care enough to take that into account, well then he obviously finds the exotic location more important than having his mate as Best Man.

    It's the groom here being selfish, not the best man.
    • nearlyrich
    • By nearlyrich 22nd Aug 07, 12:34 AM
    • 13,335 Posts
    • 16,542 Thanks
    • #6
    • 22nd Aug 07, 12:34 AM
    • #6
    • 22nd Aug 07, 12:34 AM
    When we got married abroad we didn't tell anyone our plans so we didn't put anyone in that position, if Ben can't afford the flights he should admit it to Bill xxxx
    Free impartial debt advice from: National Debtline or Stepchange[/CENTER]
    • seven-day-weekend
    • By seven-day-weekend 22nd Aug 07, 5:01 AM
    • 32,191 Posts
    • 63,525 Thanks
    • #7
    • 22nd Aug 07, 5:01 AM
    • #7
    • 22nd Aug 07, 5:01 AM
    If Bill really wants Ben to be his best man then he should pay his expenses.

    Funnily enough, a similar thing happened to us lasrt year. My husband's best friend's son was getting married in Oxford (which to us is abroad, as we live in Spain). My friend wanted us to come so that he and my husband could play in the band together. Although we didn't mind having our holiday in the UK at that time, we didn't have the wearwithall for an overnight stay in Oxford or really even the train fare to get there. Our friend payed for a hotel for us and also hired us a car for the whole week.
    Member #10 of 2 savers club
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    • Marisan
    • By Marisan 22nd Aug 07, 5:38 AM
    • 96 Posts
    • 62 Thanks
    • #8
    • 22nd Aug 07, 5:38 AM
    • #8
    • 22nd Aug 07, 5:38 AM
    No,Ben should not go.He should be totally upfront with Bill and explain that,while he offers the couple his best wishes,his finances simply won't stretch to attending an overseas do.A real friend will understand.
    .Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
  • ailuro2
    • #9
    • 22nd Aug 07, 6:13 AM
    • #9
    • 22nd Aug 07, 6:13 AM
    I agree- he shouldn't feel obliged to get himself into money worries because of flights to a mte's wedding.

    Invite them round for a barbecue in the newly refurbished garden instead. The garden will last longer than the flight.
    Member of the first Mortgage Free in 3 challenge, no.19
    Balance 19th April '07 = minus 27,640
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    • tallgirld
    • By tallgirld 22nd Aug 07, 6:17 AM
    • 481 Posts
    • 321 Thanks
    No he shouldn't go. HE'S BROKE!!! I was in similar situation this year. A surprise 50th birthday party was being held for my sister who lives in Miami. IM BROKE so I decided not to go. My sister who lives here offered to pay my fare. BRILLIANT!! I therefore went to the party in Miami :-)
  • moneymummy
    I quite agree that if he is skint he should tell his mate this and if he is a true friend he would understand - saying that though I think he should post on the travel forum on here and ask if anyone can help him find cheap flights! You never know he might be able to afford it after all.
  • NewToThis
    Ben should come clean about his finances and ask Bill to pay for his flight too - or relocate to somewhere in the UK for the wedding and save all the poor guests the costs of attending an overseas wedding. Really people should think of their guests before having a wedding overseas.
    Originally posted by trking
    My sentiments exactly. What's more important - exotic location or closest family/friends around you. Unless everyone in your circle is wealthy, choose a location at home or pay for everything!
  • sluggy1967
    My brother announced some years ago that he was going to get married in the Carribean & wanted my husband to be best man. We told him that was fine if he wanted to go there, but we wouldnt be there because firstly, we couldn't afford it, and secondly, it wasn't a location we would personally choose for a holiday. I think it is extremely arrogant of people to choose such holidays and just assume that we are all desperate to join in. After realising MOST of their family and friends wouldn't be there, they abandoned the idea. Ultimately, they felt it was more important to have loved ones around them than an exotic location.
  • chr1s23
    Should Ben go to Bill's wedding?
    If Bill is paying for others, he should pay for his best man also!
    • pollyanna24
    • By pollyanna24 22nd Aug 07, 8:26 AM
    • 4,019 Posts
    • 5,483 Thanks
    Bill is paying for the others, but only the accommodation, not the flights - did you read that too fast?
    Pink Sproglettes born 2008 and 2010
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    • arealhighlander
    • By arealhighlander 22nd Aug 07, 8:32 AM
    • 570 Posts
    • 336 Thanks
    Going into debt for your own wedding is bad enough (not a good way to start married life anyway!) but going into debt to attend someone elses is plain stuipd.

    Tell him thanks, buy you can't afford the flight. Agree with everyone else, if you want an exotic wedding, pay for everyone to go or don't expect any guests!
    • koru
    • By koru 22nd Aug 07, 8:33 AM
    • 1,355 Posts
    • 684 Thanks
    I think there's another dilemma here, regarding the CO2 emissions that will be created as a result of all these people flying to the Maldives. If Bill is marrying someone who lives in the Maldives then fair enough, but otherwise, there are plenty of perfectly lovely locations for a wedding that would have a much smaller carbon footprint.

    Perhaps Ben ought to raise this issue with Bill and suggest that for the sake of the children he and his future wife no doubt intend to have, flying dozens of people to the Maldives for a wedding is exactly the sort of extravagance we all need to start doing without.

    The location of the Maldives is particularly ironic, given that this low-lying group of islands will become uninhabitable in only a few decades if the sea level rises only a small amount.

    Getting them to do the right thing would also solve Ben's money problem.
    • mobileuser
    • By mobileuser 22nd Aug 07, 8:38 AM
    • 63 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    Ben should just tell him he can't afford it. I'm sure his friend will be upset that he can't attend but if he's a real friend he will understand.
  • Joscar
    this trip'll mean harsh budgeting, and basic food for the rest of the year.

    Should Ben go to Bill's wedding?

    Originally posted by MSE Lawrence

    Regardless of the strength of the friendship.

    The Maldives is a stunningly beautiful place that everybody should visit at least once in their life time. If the cost to Ben is just one year of budgeting and basic food it is a low price to pay for the holiday !!!

    Plus we all know that he will get the best price for the flight using Martin's MSE tips.
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    • sinizterguy
    • By sinizterguy 22nd Aug 07, 9:03 AM
    • 1,144 Posts
    • 896 Thanks
    Split the cost after talking.
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