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    Former MSE Debs
    Real-life MMD: Should I sneakily keep some of ex's deposit for cleaning?
    • #1
    • 24th Jan 13, 12:30 PM
    Real-life MMD: Should I sneakily keep some of ex's deposit for cleaning? 24th Jan 13 at 12:30 PM
    Money Moral Dilemma: Should I sneakily keep some of ex's deposit for cleaning?

    When I moved in with my partner, we split the 800 deposit. When she moved out, we agreed we'd sort out monies owed once I finally left and the deposit was returned. I've just got the 800 back, and my ex has forgotten how much we put in and only asked for 300. I spent ages cleaning the flat at the end of the tenancy (she didn't help) so am tempted to only give her the 300 she's asked for.

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    Last edited by Former MSE Debs; 31-01-2013 at 1:35 PM.
Page 1
    • benedictadams
    • By benedictadams 29th Jan 13, 8:33 PM
    • 902 Posts
    • 516 Thanks
    • #2
    • 29th Jan 13, 8:33 PM
    • #2
    • 29th Jan 13, 8:33 PM
    I would find out from the person or company you rented the flat from as to how much would they have with-held from amount you got back if the flat hadn't been cleaned

    I would then go to ex and remind her that when she moved out that she didn't bother to help with getting the flat looking presentable and as such the letting agent took x amount from the original deposit, and you are giving her half the amount which you got back

    Or find out how much a company would have cost to do a deep clean and give her the 400 minus her 50% for the cleaning company cost

    After all why should your time be valued at nothing
    Debt was 6300 5 years ago, Debt now ZERO
    • VT82
    • By VT82 29th Jan 13, 10:49 PM
    • 1,011 Posts
    • 855 Thanks
    • #3
    • 29th Jan 13, 10:49 PM
    • #3
    • 29th Jan 13, 10:49 PM
    Keep it.

    I wouldn't even complicate it with any formulas; if you come up with a figure for her that's less than 300, she'll want more detail and will end up wanting 400 once she knows the facts. I wouldn't come up with a figure for her that's more than 300 but less than 400 - ditto.

    You get 100 extra no questions asked. You deserve some extra for cleaning. 100 is about right. Your ex doesn't probe any further as she thinks you're all square. Don't stir up any other trouble, just take it and walk away.
    • darkwarrior
    • By darkwarrior 30th Jan 13, 12:56 AM
    • 183 Posts
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    • #4
    • 30th Jan 13, 12:56 AM
    • #4
    • 30th Jan 13, 12:56 AM
    Keep it, shouldn't even be a dilemma. Especially since she didn't help you clean up the place.
    • androidgamer
    • By androidgamer 30th Jan 13, 1:27 AM
    • 33 Posts
    • 15 Thanks
    • #5
    • 30th Jan 13, 1:27 AM
    • #5
    • 30th Jan 13, 1:27 AM
    hmmm, depends on how good of friends you are now (want to be) as if she did find out it was 400 that she is owed, is 100 worth ending a good friendship/ relationship?

    if it was me I'd keep it, if you hadn't cleaned up she would have nothing (and neither would you)...but seeing as you did all of the leg and arm work who is she to argue...

    see which of these are more likely, as only you will know...

    1. keep it and never look back, she's an ex?

    2. give her the 100 owed, as you want to keep her as a friend and she is impressed with your honesty?

    3. she know's it was 400 and is just testing your honesty?
    4. she hasn't a clue and by giving her the 100, she thinks your a push over?
    • reluctantworkingmum
    • By reluctantworkingmum 30th Jan 13, 1:31 AM
    • 126 Posts
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    • #6
    • 30th Jan 13, 1:31 AM
    • #6
    • 30th Jan 13, 1:31 AM
    Did you ask her to help? Or did you just move out and tell her after?
    If the first - then keep it with a clear conscience.
    If the second - you are not entitled to it, so give her back her share!
    • StacFace
    • By StacFace 30th Jan 13, 1:33 AM
    • 356 Posts
    • 393 Thanks
    • #7
    • 30th Jan 13, 1:33 AM
    • #7
    • 30th Jan 13, 1:33 AM
    I'd definitely keep it. She asked for 300, so give her 300. As others have said, giving any other amount will just lead to further problems.
  • bogwart
    • #8
    • 30th Jan 13, 2:45 AM
    • #8
    • 30th Jan 13, 2:45 AM
    Seriously? What kind of person are you? I think your ex had a close call and was lucky to break up with someone who'd screw her out of a measly 100.
  • robynprincess
    • #9
    • 30th Jan 13, 2:51 AM
    • #9
    • 30th Jan 13, 2:51 AM
    Erm it's your mess you cleaned up after, she moved out and you stayed there. Over time it gets dirtier if not cleaned properly and she moved out before you so more of the mess left was yours. There's no way you should keep it.
  • R P W
    Keep it, dont spend anymore time worrying about something so trivial and move on....
    • tallgirld
    • By tallgirld 30th Jan 13, 7:36 AM
    • 476 Posts
    • 317 Thanks
    Nahhhhh I would just give back half. If they found out you had kept the 100 they will have you down as a thief!

    Not a good look.........
  • nickj
    if you're really the sort of person to worry about 100 then they are probably better off without you , i would ask her , she may say don't bother about it , or say thanks
  • el coucho
    I really think you should give her back 400. I'm guessing that if you were living there without her, the mess you cleared up was actually yours. Did you invite her round to help with the cleaning? If you give her back 400 her closing memory of your relationship will be that you were a generous and thoughtful person. If she finds out that you kept 100 of her money without discussing it, it will make you look mean and money-grabbing. This way you can feel magnanimous and be satisfied that you ended the relationship in the right way.
    • BNT
    • By BNT 30th Jan 13, 9:00 AM
    • 2,679 Posts
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    As long as you are clear about what you are doing, keep it.
    Whether you should keep some of it depends on how much cleaning was involved and what is would have cost if that had been taken from the deposit.

    However, if you do decide that you should keep some of the deposit to cover the cleaning, by all means do so. Just make sure you let your partner know what you are doing. To keep it without saying anything is dishonest.
    • scarlet macaw
    • By scarlet macaw 30th Jan 13, 9:14 AM
    • 51 Posts
    • 57 Thanks
    scarlet macaw
    I don't see this one as a dilemma at all. You must return her share of the deposit in full.

    If you then agree to make a (disclosed) deduction for cleaning that is something the two of you can discuss, but you cannot just not tell her about it. As others have said, there is also the question that as she moved out some time before was it her mess that needed cleaning or yours?
    • MissMills81
    • By MissMills81 30th Jan 13, 9:36 AM
    • 16 Posts
    • 24 Thanks
    Do you normally get paid for cleaning up your own mess?

    You agreed with your ex to give her half her money back and you should do so, keeping an extra 100 as a reward for cleaning up after yourself is ridiculous and deceitful. If you had paid someone else to do a deep clean you would be entitled to deduct the cost but that is not what happened. Did your ex bill you every time she carried out some cleaning/housework task when you lived together?

    That money is your ex's, it doesn't matter that she cant remember the actual amount deposited and asked for 300 back, keeping the extra 100 is theft.
    • ellymoo
    • By ellymoo 30th Jan 13, 9:39 AM
    • 44 Posts
    • 25 Thanks
    There's nothing 'measly' about 100. It's a lot of money, in my eyes anyway. However I agree you should be honest. Say to her "Actually the deposit was 400 but bear in mind that I cleaned the whole place so that we could get our deposit back".

    We don't know how long the OP was on his own before he left. I would be honest but point out that due to your hard work the two of you got your deposit back and anyone worth their salt would contribute to that. Cleaning a place sufficiently pass the eagle-eyes of a lettings agent/landlord is hard work, harder than doing standard housework, and I'm sure if you are truthful she will accept that. But you have to give her the option, not lie to her.
    • chocaholicmanc
    • By chocaholicmanc 30th Jan 13, 9:42 AM
    • 60 Posts
    • 67 Thanks
    I am a little otrn on this one. When I moved out of a shared house I cleaned my room and en suite thoroughly, along with giving the kitchen a once over (As there were still 2 people living in the house there was no point doing a deep clean as they were staying several more months). Our other housemate had moved out a month before me and done the same.

    The couple still living in the house did not return either of our full deposits telling me repeatedly that they would and telling our other housemate that the landlord had retained some of the deposit for 'cleaning'. The landlord confirmed he'd paid back the full deposit!

    We both moved out over a year ago and will clearly not be getting our money back given that the girl in question is now completely ignoring us.

    Did you ask her to return to do her share of the cleaning? Whilst I agree that you do deserve something for cleaning the flat (all these people going on about you being petty over 100 have obviously never cleaned an entire flat by themselves!), and I don't think the fact that she moved out first makes a huge amount of difference (assuming it wasn't more than 6 months before you left anyway).

    I think that honesty is the best policy. Reverse the situation and think about how you would feel if she did the same. Ultimately neither answer is particularly appealing! If you confess she may demand her full 400, and if you don't you may feel ridiculously guilty and not enjoy it anyway!
  • anothermoneysaver
    If being honest, I think it's too far down the line to withold some of her 400.

    In these situations if you'd wanted her to do something towards the cleaning, you had two options.

    1) Both clean the flat when she moved out, to a standard of perfection that would get the deposit back and return her 400 then.

    2) Invite her back to help clean jointly, and if she refused, organise a professional cleaner and split the bill. (Being dishonest, a mate with an invoice book would do).

    Presumably if she moved out early, you would have moved your new mistress in to cover half of the rent anyway, so she should have directly paid 400 to the ex on the switch over date!

    And fancy a couple living together without being married. What is the world coming to?

    Personally, I'd not get into this situation as I'd not move in somewhere without joint liability on the contract for the duration. That way, if girlfriend decides to leave, she's still under a legal obligation to pay the rent.

    Finally, this is and the best way to save money here would be to keep the lot, and expertly come up with a valid reason why.
  • Domino9
    Keep it if you are open about it, otherwise don't.
    A Mortgage wannabe! 😄
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