It's making me so ill - please help!

stressedoutmumof1

Before I start, I know I'm burying my head in the sand!!
I have approx £40,000 worth of unsecured debt - and my husband doesn't know anything about it. I haven't paid anything for 1 year now - I've changed my phone number and throw all the post away!! I dread the door knocking (in fact I had one person knock - on behalf of Next Directory - and am curently paying them £50 per month on a £2400 debt).

I struggle to get through the first week of the month - let alone the whole month - and end up paying for things with my cheque guarantee card - therefore going massively overdrawn (that's over the overdraft limit) - on our joint account and the spiral continues.

The thing is I can't see an end to any of this - how am I supposed to pay any debt off if I can't feed my family.

I am making myself ill over this and cry all the time (when my husbands not there - he must think I don't care about him anymore as I feel like I've cheated him!!)

Please can someone help me!

pandas66

Deep breath, now tell him. You can post all your debts on here, all your apr's and your income. But you must tell him, if you really think people will be at your door he deserves to know whats going on. He'll find out the hard way and then it will be like you cheated him, please sit him down and talk to him.

elona

If you are overdrawn on a joint account - how is it that he does not know?

It is not all your fault if you were trying to do the impossible with no help or support.

Please do not hide away from it any more as it is making you ill.

Go to citizens advice for a start or Samaritans if you are desperate for a person to speak to - then think about telling husband - he will find out eventually.

GIRLPOWER_2

Really feel for you... it's down to you what you tell your husband and no one can tell you it's the best thing to do as they do not know you and your private relationship.. If you list all your outgoings saying who you have the debt with how long it's over and what interest your charged. include everything from your food shopping to your phone bill.. everything you pay out in a month and then all your income including anything your husband gives you, child benifit.. anything. people will be in a better position to give you some advise.. following this site you can save money. x x x x x x

chudies

do not go to a debt consolidation agency

please tell OH, first and foremost, like everyone else, you need their support

sit down and write each item/card/account
it will be 'orible, but worth knowing where you stand

work out your budget
work out realistically how much you could pay back monthly
work out which items are charging the highest interest, pay them first
do not rely on the cheque book, OH will find out, and as others say, will not appreciate hiding this, they will no doubt support you if YOU tell them, perhaps harsh, sorry, but as you say, you are getting ill
do not wait

Spendless

Like others have said get some free help somewhere like cccs, cab or nationaldebtline.

Recommend telling your hubby too. realise you don't really want to but you've got to consider what if he stumbled across it by accident.

Or what if something happened to you, sickness/accident,or if he was left bringing up your child in the event of your death. Sure he'd rather know now than find out at a later date.

Good Luck-keep us posted.

Dumbledore55

Hi

I've been in the boat where you hide from your debts. I'm not saying you have to tell your hubby cos that's up to you but do post your debts, payments etc on here. Other paople really can help you and you'll feel SO much better when you take some control of your situation. Please, please get help from the people on here. They helped me and now I feel I have a future rather than spiralling out of control.

Its not easy but you can get the control back.

DD x

Little_Miss_Winner

Hello, :hello:

Welcome, you have made the first step by realising you need help.
I really feel for you, and send you a big hug :grouphug:

Are you sure that your husband doesn't know something is wrong?

Your post seems to suggest that you are feeling guilty about the way you may be pushing him out? "he must think I don't care about him anymore as I feel like I've cheated him!!)"

Please try and be brave enough to let him know what his happening, if he does already feel that somthing is amiss in your relationship, then it may just turn out that he will be relieved it's only money. Don't want to sound patronising or anything but your post sounds just like a friends situation - she was worried sick over bills and telling hubby, and he was worrying himself sick as well thinking she was just about to walk out with another man!

Think about telling him, he must see some difference in the way you act, surely you can't be being yourself, when you are making yourself so ill.

Enough is enough, bite the bullet and tell him. These are not just your money worries, they are his too......................for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer.

There will be tons of help and support on here for you, so whatever you decided please keep posting, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Big Hug :wave:

Pot

jen_jen_2

the way to pay off your debt is to think about your money in a different way. you need to post details here and if necessary renegotiate your debt repayments with the money left over after you have fed the family. you need to work out what spending is essential and what is debt.

well done, you have asked for help and are therefore no longer an ostrich
:T

fluff_2

been there,done that.god it is a rotten way to feel.call gregory pennington,they will manage your debt(not bankrupcy) and will pay your creditors so much a month.have helped me out no end and i owe treble you do.phone,they are superb,and you can pay them at a price that you can afford monthly. go on phone them.good luck babe.

Xbigman

Gregory Pennington are a fee charging company - don't touch them. You must tell your husband and face this together. Then phone CCCS or Payplan and work with them on a solution. I know telling your husband will be tough but he will find out, fairly soon I should think, and you need to be the one who tells him. How will he feel if he finds out some other way?
Regards



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