Help....i'm in such a mess

stupidsusie

This is my first post on this site, i've been 'lurking' for a while and the advice and support are brilliant. Any advice on my situation would be fantastic, although I don't really think I deserve it because everything is totally my own fault. I feel so ashamed.

In January 2006 everything was going well for me.....good job, lovely new home and car, savings in the bank and so on. A few months later I received one of those 'free bet' offers from a gambling site.....and two years later my life is in ruins. From hardly ever having gambled, in those first few months I racked up over £100,000 of debt. I still can't believe I got so hooked so quickly. I would stay up night after night gambling, I hardly ate or slept, and lived on coffee, cigarettes and adrenaline (I was still putting in 12 hour days at the office). Eventually I managed to get a grip and started going to Gamblers Anonymous. Although the debts were huge, after consolidating most of it into a secured loan, I was able to meet my monthly commitments due to having a good salary etc.

All was then well until the following year, when I ended up back online and another £80,000 or so in debt - stupidly after consolidating I didn't cancel all my credit facilities. Yet again I stopped, went to GA, and also started seeing a private addiction counsellor. Apart from a small lapse in August of £5,000 I again managed not to gamble, although financially things were becoming very tight (just about manageable).

At the end of last year I was made redundant, and received about £50,000 as a redundancy payment. I also received a gift from my mum (alongside my sisters) of a further £50,000. I have always wanted to run my own business, and although my outgoings were about £5,000 per month, with that amount of money I started to set up the business (as well as paying off a small amount of debt plus my car loan) and felt very enthusiastic and positive about a new start and being able to pay back my debts over time doing something I loved.

And then, in January this year, I blew it. My dad was diagnosed with dementia last year, and my mum became very depressed and dependent. One day in January I had to tell my Dad he was never coming home from the specialist dementia care home, and that night after driving home I started gambling again. Needless to say, although my debts have not really increased, I now have next to no money left. The fact that at least some of the money gambled was from my parents who had saved carefully all their lives makes me so ashamed I cry whenever I think about it.

It's so hard writing all this.....

My SOA is this....

Property value = £350,000
Mortgage = £292,000
Secured loan = £94,000 (approx)

Unsecured debts (3 loans and 5 credit cards) = £98,000
Overdraft = £6,000

Money in second current account (separate company from all creditors) = £5,000
Value of car = £10,000 (I will be selling this shortly, I am very lucky as my sister has just bought a new car and is going to let me borrow her old one for now)

Monthly income = £2,000 mortgage payment protection plus £250 Jobseeers Allowance

Up to now, I have still been meeting all my monthly payments. But this just isn't possible anymore, and i've started to write to my creditors offering token payments of £5 for six months, until I am back in employment.

There is one very very small glimmer of hope in this sorry tale - I am in dispute with my employer regarding my redundancy and it is possible I may receive a settlement. This won't be anywhere near enough to pay off my debts, but it might buy me some more time.

Today I got up thinking 'right, if I can get a six month grace period on my unsecured debts, I will get the business trading and also approach all of my contacts re: contract / consultancy work etc'. Perhaps I was deluding myself, but I thought that if I could bring in some money I might be able to sort out the debts over time, especially if I do get a lump sum. But the post then arrived, and there was a very abrupt letter from one of my creditors. This debt is with the same company as the current account from which I made all the gambling transactions, and I guess they have reviewed my accounts. They have refused to accept any reduction in payment due to 'my account activity', and say that if I don't make the contractual payments 'further action will be taken'. From their perspective I can totally understand - given how much I lost gambling in the last month or two why the hell should they accept lower payments?

So now I feel totally desperate. I am beginning to think that bankruptcy is my only option, but because I have lost so much money recently that could have gone to creditors I am sure I will get a BRO of the maximum 15 years. I'm also terrified that somehow I will end up in prison.

Would it be better to keep going as long as possible (and withouth gambling), so that I can at least show that I have tried to pay some of the money back? This feels like the right thing to do anyway.

Even if I do have to go down the bankruptcy route I just don't know what the best thing to do is.....should I stop paying my mortgage and end up being repossessed? Is there a risk that if I declare myself bankrupt and then the house is repossessed I will end up being made bankrupt for a second time shortly afterwards because I won't be able to pay off the negative equity? Or should I try and keep the house out of the bankruptcy and hope (by hard work etc) that I can continue to make payments? I know that if I give up the house I will not be able to get a mortgage for years and years, although generally I think having a terrible credit history would be good for me - I never want debt again (apart from a mortgage), for any reason.

Should I be stockpiling cash from the little I have left to pay for food / bills / a flat rental later on, or is this dishonest?

I'm just in such a mess.....please can anyone help?

nearlyrich

Hi Susie, welcome to DFW you have taken the hardest step, there are lots of experts who post on here so you will get the advice you need. We don't care how you got into debt, this is a none judgemental board for support for people struggling with debt.

You might want to post another thread on the Bankrupcy sub board asking the specific questions about bankrupcy and repossession.

Don't panic you are amongst friends;)

G-G_4

Susie,

Oh dear.. please don't worry.. I know it all seems to be a right mess and you are probably very upset after writing all of that xx

I'm not sure what to suggest really.. Obviously i'm not going to advise you to do one thing or another, the only thing for me to say is that in my experience, bankruptcy is not so bad. Yes, you will most lilely get a BRO/BRU but you actually bankruptcy will only last a year and the restrictions will last up to the 15 yrs. But.. if you never want credit again would this be so bad? x

If you go bankrupt, can you afford your mortgage? Also, how long does the Payment Protection pay for, sometimes they are only for a maximum of 12 months.

Obviously, there is a lot of questions to answer, and i'm sure between us all on here we can help, just wanted to get a quick reply in so that you know there are people here for you x

Gemma x

Cleosmum

Oh blimey hun you need a large hug!

Is selling your house an option? Could you move back in with parents/family?

Could you do a precise SOA, list everything that comes in and everything that goes out? Food, bills, travel etc.

Please dont worry, everything is sortable :grouphug:

Hell1

I have no ideas, sorry, but really feel for you and send big hugs.... I'm sure someone will be along with good advice soon. Lots of luck!!!

optimisticbutstruggling

Hi Susie,i'm a first poster as well .I have had great advice all evening for my situation.I just want to say good luck but please try to look after yourself & eat well & take vitamins to keep you well.
xx

Tustastic

Susie, what a rollercoaster you've been on. I'm so so sorry to hear about your mum and dad. Your sister is kind, loaning you a car. The rest is just money stuff and sortable, hard though it will be.
How about visiting the Payplan and CCCS http://www.cccs.co.uk/ - they are both debt counselling charities. They are on your side, non-judgemental and make no profit out of you. You can complete something like an SOA online and get a telephone interview.
Sending kind thoughts your way.

jet77

Hi Susie,

(((HUGS))) Well done for posting ... definitely a HUGE step in the right direction is facing up to exactly where you are at financially. I would like to echo optimistics post that looking after yourself is essential.

Please post and SOA as soon as .. exactly what you have going in vs exactly what you have going out. I personally would ring the CAB and make an appointment and take all paperwork down there. CCCS are also a brilliant source of help .. they will send you out template letters to post to creditors too and having the weight of a ref no. from them makes the creditors sit up and listen. I believe you are able to offer payments of £1 per month to all your creditors as long as you treat them all equally and don't pay one more than another. CCCS will be able to advise you on this. They will also advise you that there are priority debts and non-priority debts. Priority debts are mortgage & utility bills, non-priority bills are credit cards/loans.

I don't know whether going self employed is wise right now until you know where you're at because putting yourself under this additional stress may not do your health any good and you must look after no. 1.

Please continue to post hun ... there will be others along shortly with more advise for you but posting an SOA will be able to give them more to go on with your specific situation. Please feel free to PM me any time.

Luv n Hugs xx

jet77

PS You are blessed to have a really supportive family .. don't feel bad about spending the money ... you're on the right track now .. the only way is up xx

G-G_4

The fact that you feel bad about spending the money means that you have a heart and are human. Gambling or any addiction is very powerful and you wouldn't be the first person to have it mess their lives up.. xx

You can get through this.. You need to pick yourself up from the floor, hold your head up high and start to get it all sorted. Bankruptcy, should you chose it, is not admitting defeat and giving in, it is being brave, facing the consequences and staring it in the face. x

pandapaws

Hiya,

I can't give any advice as BR is something I know nothing about. Perhaps a call to the CCCS would be an idea - I think its anonymous and from what I've heard here they're excellent and won't judge you at all.

It must have taken you ages to write all that down, and you should feel proud that you've at least taken that step. I can imagine how you feel about letting your parents down, and I think that's the part of it that would bother me more than anything else too, but just think how proud of you they'd be if you managed to turn it all around, and get yourself sorted out. Just try to keep yourself healthy in the meantime so at least they don't have to worry about that.

The only little bit of practical advice I have is to set this forum as your home page. Then whenever you're feeling down at least you'll end up here rather than at some site advertising online casinos! It worked for me - I used to get bored and shop online, now I end up here and stick my nose into other people's business instead, but it stops me spending! Beware though, a lot of the money making schemes and loopholes that we all talk about on here do involve signing up for gambling sites, so be prepared for people telling you how you can make a fortune out of the bookies/bingo/casinos!