Aaack - can't believe this!!!

elisebutt65

Imagine you have £30000 in credit card debts and your boyfriend( you've lived to gether for 7+ years and have a child together) finds out. He tells his parents and they offer to pay pff 3 out of the 4 cards - £12000 so far with some more to come.

They ask for statements to prove that the money's been paid off and that you're not using the cards anymore. Any sensible grateful person wuld comply???

Not my brothers girlfriend!!!:mad: In fact she's got all indignant because she lied about her debts and has been found out and now they are ailing her out, she's taking out all her guilt feelings on my mum and dad. To the point where she's refusing to let them take her little boy for a week during the summer holidays!!! They're doing a huge favour - £20,000 worth of favour and she's just spitting on them - God if i had that much debt, I'd be praying for this.

Feel so tempted to call Mum and tell them not to pay off anymore but I don't want to get involved - just venting here instead.!!

ffs

Another way of looking at it is that your extremely generous parents are feeding her addiction. Of course she'll stop using the cards in question, bit do you really think she won't find other lines of credit?

Katinkka

When I was 20 I was in a lot of debt. I was in a relationship that i hated and I felt so trapped and desperate. I suffered terribly with depresion etc. To cut a long story short I met my current bloke (been together 6 years 3rd baby on the way) on the Internet and had to tell my Dad about the situation. HE was horrified. I owed about 10 000 and most of it was charges. He paid the lot off but wanted to see the bills/pay them himself and give me a lot of lectures over it. I knew I was lucky and just put up with it. Pride has no place in that situation. Suck it up and be grateful. I know my DAd just wanted to help but was worried it would happen again.

delboypass

You have to tell your folks man. This bird will probably split with your bro anyways.
If you love your parents you will save them from this. i know they may tell you to shut up, but then when the long game plays out and shes out the picture, you can say - well i told you so so next time you gove them advice they may start to listen.

If i was your bro, id kick her to the side and there is no way i would let my parents pay off my GF's debts...I know women too well.

She will probably rack it up again once its paid off too!

DrStep

yes del is right - she must take responsibilty for her debts. How on earth will she realise the real value of money?

idiot_3

very, very tricky situation. do they expect the money back, via a properly structured payment plan, or is it just outrageous generousity? can they really afford to give/lend her 20k? (not being nosey, but practical. 20k is a lot of money.)

she is probably not thinking straight. hiding something like this (as i did with my gambling debts) becomes a real strain, and it is difficult to explain how it feels when a) you are found out (and you always will be) and b) have to face up to reality. i guess, for her like me, it was no longer like real money. she, like me, has not worked to earn it, so it is very easy to spend.

what has she got to show for the money? there is something seriously wrong to have spent that much over budget. this needs to be addressed as well as simply paying off the cards. perhaps it is time for her and your bro (and parents if they are paying, they have a right to know) to sit down and work out what has gone wrong, and why. time for the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. she should seek help where it is available. she should swallow her pride, and go to G.A. or A.A or N.A. (whatever, something is wrong, there is help out there.) i cannot sing their praises (G.A. that is) enough. i have turned a corner and am on the long road to recovery. hopefully she can do the same.

at the same time there are practical issues with the money. my old dears have helped me out with a lot of cash, but have changed their will so that, in the end, i will get this much less from their estate, making it fair for my brother. perhaps this could be applied here, whereby your old dears will is changed so your bro will get the amount they give/lend her less to make it fair on you. it is not your fault (or my bro's) that this serious overspend has occurred, and you shouldn't be disadvantaged because of it.

as what could possibly be seen as a facetious aside, how strong is the relationship that she has got this debt and hidden it from your bro? does he want to work it through, or is it maybe time to cut and run. he, and your folks are placing a lot of trust that it will not happen again.

sorry if i have left you with more questions than answers, but this one needs a lot of thoughts, not just a quick fix.

ceegee

delboypass wrote:

I know women too well.

I do hope you are not tarring all women with the same brush, delboypass...... :rolleyes:

rchddap1

Indeed, some of us ladies are very careful with our money.

My advice would be to firstly try and stop your parents for giving her even more money. She has to face up to ther problems. And asking to see proof that the money has gone to the correct cards, which have been subsequently closed (hopefully) is not an unreasonable request. Sounds to me like she could be trying to use her child as a bargaining tool. Do not rise to the bait.

Also, make sure that you keep in touch with your brother. Whatever is going on between your parents and her shouldn't damage your relationship with him.

elisebutt65

I've spoken to mum this am and she' agreeing with me that the c.cards need to cut up.

Thing is unless GF fully accepts what's she's done - then she's just going to do it again. I din't think M & D are going to give jake anymore money - poor thing's been paying out £800 a month on her debts and he sounded to mum like he's almost suicidal!!! He works God knows how many hours and is permanently broke paying her bills.

Mum's going to get him to call me this w/end, so I can help him out of this hole. - i.e get parental responsibility in writing for Milo, so she can't just blow him out when the debts are sorted,
Stop paying her bills - she has to face up to it,
get a separate bank account and if necessary, pay her an allowance.

I suggested she declare personal bankruptcy but she refuses point blank to even consider this.

Mum and Dad have set up a direct debit with my brother so he pays them back gradually, but I think they aren't going to give him anymore now - Thank God!!

Don't really care too much about inheritances etc - they have set up savings accounts for all the grandkids so that's pretty much how I like it - they have funds for Uni later on etc - Just prefer them to spend their savings on themselves to be honest.