Don't know what to do

broke_student111

Hi,

I have been lurking on these boards for a while now but have never posted anything. I am a second year physics student, and during my first year I amassed around £15,000 worth of debt on credit cards and overdrafts mainly through gambling. I have managed to just about stay afloat in the past but I am now really struggling. Everytime I get a bit of money, I end up going to the casino and loosing it trying to win back the money I lost. Even if I win, I will go back the next day and loose it all again. I know it is stupid and the odds are bent in favour of the house but for some reason whenever I get the 'urge' I will ignore all all of this common sense, max out my withdrawal limits on my cards and gamble. At the moment I have reached rock bottom. I work 50+ hours a week in a supermarket as well as trying to do my degree course, but the money I get is barely enough to cover my rent, bills and the minimum payments on my cards. I have maxed out all my credit cards and overdrafts and I have no money left. I haven't been to any lectures in months because I have either been working or feeling too down to leave my room. It suddenly hit me when I managed to loose my entire student loan and grant installment for this term in the first week trying to win back the money I lost. There are days I have had to go without food or lie to the bus driver because I have had no cash. I can't go to sleep until 5am every night, even after doing a 17hr shift. I don't know what to do, I feel such a failiure. I can't afford to go out any more and I have lost contact with all my friends. If I have had never gambled, I would be £15k in credit rather than £15k in debt. If my parents knew, they would disown me. I have been trying to stop the gambling, it is easy not to gamble if I do not have any money but the real temptation lies when I do have the money availiable.

I am really sorry about the length of the post, I have waffled on a bit too much.

tesuhoha

The first thing you have to do is get some kind of help for your gambling addiction. Maybe go to the doctor and ask for advice. You know that you have to stop. Then I think you should write a letter to your tutor and ask if you can repeat this year. I think you should go to a debt agency and try to get the debt frozen in some way. Its not the end of the world if it stays at £15k. Its a lot of money but still repayable if you stop now. Thats the key to the whole thing. You must never ever gamble again and your life wont be ruined. Dont let yourself. I cant emphasise too strongly. Do not allow yourself to do this. You are the onlyone in control of your own actions. Be strict with yourself and go to the doctor. You must go to as many people as you can for help and advice. Now is not the time to pay off that money. You have to concentrate on your education. If you could just get that money frozen and isolated you could reduce your working hours and continue with your education so please get all the help you can. Go to the Citizens Advice Bureau as well. Please please please get some help and talk to someone urgently. And please please please stay out of the casino; you are never going to win enough to pay back those debts and you will only make it worse. Please stop now before its too late and do something to help yourself. I hope that you can continue with your education.

tesuhoha

Put a little mantra thing in your head that every time you take a step towards the casino you are breaking your parents hearts so you must not do it. Before you do it please take some deep breaths and think about what you are about to do. I dont know how you cure such a thing but please make your way towards gamblers anonymous and not towards the casino. Sorry to go on but what if you end up hundreds of thousands in debt for nothing and with nothing to show for it? Your life will be in ruins so DONT do it. Take care of yourself, stop gambling and try to drag yourself upwards somehow. Its called survival, self preservation and you can do it. This is the first step. I am probably talking a load of waffle but there are other folk that will give you much better advice on this board. However, take it from me that you DO Not want to ruin your life this way and you must somehow, some way Never, ever, ever gamble again.

boredofbeingathome

I really don't know what to say to you that you aren't saying to yourself. Are there any councellors on your campus? You really need to talk to someone before it begins to affect the rest of your life.
I think that you must be finding it really hard to function at the moment and whilst my degree isn't in physics i started off doing pure maths so i know how brain draining it can be.
Have you thought about gamblers anonymous? I'm sorry for sticking in random suggestions its just as i am thinking them.
Also there isnt a problem that cannot be fixed and you are working hard at the moment i'm sure your parents can help but i would suggest that you begin to put things in place first before telling them then the fallout wont be as bad does that make sense? I know if one of my kids came to me with a problem but said they were doing x,y, and z to combat it and that they needed my help to remain strong then i know i would be able to support them 100%. Perhaps if you added your SOA then others can help you deal with things. All the other links are on the board to help you get in contact with the right debt charities.
I just wanted to post so that you were'nt alone Hope you're ok.

tesuhoha

I feel very strongly about this as my daughter is a student too and I would hate anything like this to happen to her. So I am sorry if Ive nagged you but really youve got to start respecting yourself. Youre pushing yourself too hard and youve been self destructing. However, you're not anymore are you? Today is your first day of your new life, pulling yourself up and stopping all the self destructive behaviour.

PANDORA

Like you, I've been trawling the boards for a bit and haven't posted yet. I just want to say that there is help out there for your gambling, but you have to want to stop. There is an organisation for gambling addictions (though don't know if I'm allowed to post it. Citizen's advice will definitely point you in the right direction and also help you to deal with your debts. Also look in telephone book under Gambling.

There is light at the end of the tunnel, although it might not seem like it at the minute. You need to take one step, don't try to deal with it all at once. Make one phone call and your heavy load will feel a little bit lighter.

I'm sending you a hug, cause I thing you desperately need one.

boredofbeingathome

My son and daughter are students too, i would break my heart if i thought i couldn't help them. Please do something about this, think of this site as your collective family who will help you in times of trouble.

tesuhoha

Also at uni I think there are people who can advise you with student hardship. You need to go and unload all your problems on someone. Im off to bed now but I wish you all the very best and hugs. I also think you should make contact with some of your friends. I am sure that if you make an effort you will regain their friendship. Look after yourself.

boredofbeingathome

Im posting one for Gam care 0845 6000 133
samaritans 08457 90 90 90

broke_student111

Thankyou tesuhoha for your advice. This is the first time I have told anyone about this. I haven't placed a bet for over 10 days now (excluding my weekly lottery ticket), but the problem arises when I have some 'spare' money in my account and I will gamble it away, keeping me permanently in debt. I am trying hard to stop this and I have set up two separate bank accounts - I keep a weekly allowance of £25 in one and keep the rest in the other where it is repaying my od. I have cut up the card for the other account, so if I need money from one account I have to wait three days by which time the urge would of worn off. I have also shredded my casino members cards. I have signed up for university councelling but there is quite a long waiting list.

I really want to study and catch up with the work I missed, but I have been feeling really down recently and just have no motivation for anything whilst the work piles up around me. I used to be so much more motivated and hard working but now all I do is either paid employment or lie around in bed all day. I have become so lazy.

Thankyou again for bothering to read all that waffle and posting a reply. It really means a lot to me right now.

broke_student111

Just a big thanks to everyone who has posted jsut now. I cannot believe the huge number of replies I have just got. It really means a lot right now, I have really wanted to tell someone about this but I did not know who to tell.

Tesuhoha, you have not been 'nagging' me. For someone who has had very little contact with non-strangers for over a month, your words and advice are very reassuring. You cannot begin to believe how better it makes me feel that someone actually cares.

Boredofbeingathome, I have signed up for councelling but I have been put on the waiting list with an average wait of 15 days. Gambler's Anomonous is a good idea, I plan on phoning the helpline on Monday for advice. I don't really want to tell my parents until I have at least repayed the money. I remember their reaction when I accidentally bounced a cheque for £40 when I was 16. That, and they will probibly insist on repaying the debts for me, leaving a huge guilt factor as well - the banks can afford the debt a lot more than my parents can! Thankyou so much for taking the time to read all of my wafflings and reply, as I said above it does mean a lot.

PANDORA, thankyou for the positive advice. As I said before, I plan on phoning GamCare (the state-run gambling addiction support group) on Monday. I know there is a way out eventually, but it just feels like its all closing in around me at once. Just in a bad phase at the moment I suppose.

The SOA will be fairly lengthy I am afraid as I owe money all over the place, but I will try my best tomorrow!