Money Moral Dilemma: We're funding our child's wedding - do we get any say in how the money's spent?

BTB43

I agree with all the comments so far!

Gadgetvixen

You should be telling them you will contribute £x to the wedding. How they spend it is up to them. As for inviting your friends, that’s a no unless the bride and groom choose to invite them. 

SStitanic

No, it’s there wedding and the money is a gift so they can spend it however they want. And invite who they want.

primrose_penguin

I agree with most others, Let them know the amount you are giving them to organise their wedding and leave them to get on with it, things that are important to you are not necessarily to them. I would not expect to have an invite for your friends, especially as you say your daughter does not know them that well. Things are different today from when I got married, my parents arranged the venue, invitations, menu etc. and we just went along with it all and we had a lovely day. Nowadays more often than not it is the bride and groom who organise most of it, although if they ask for your input that is fine. Just enjoy the day and don't worry too much about the details, leave it up to them.

ShinyStarlight1

I don’t understand why you would invite some of your friends that the bride and groom don’t know that well.

mummystudent

Be careful. Your behaviour is only going to create distance between you guys and your son, your future daughter in law and potentially everyone else. Whether you agree or disagree with what they’re spending the money on, you’re coming across as controlling and I can’t imagine that will play out well in the future if there are grandkids in the mix. 

You don’t think a tattoo station is suitable for a wedding but you think the bride and groom being forced to have people they don’t know there is? 

Offers of financial help or giving gifts are not tools of manipulation to make people do what you want. If I took you out for a special dinner to celebrate your birthday and said here’s £50 for you to pay for yours, do I get to say what you can or cannot eat? I don’t like lamb so do I get to demand you call back the waiter and cancel your lamb dinner? I don’t think having a starter and dessert is appropriate so can I insist you don’t have them both even if they are in your budget? Or how about I demand that, because I’m paying, I can invite someone you don’t know very well to sit at our table and eat food out of your £50 budget. 

Please be careful, as stories about mothers and mother in laws behaving like this are generally followed by ‘and this is why we’ve cut them out’ or ‘this is why we don’t see them very much’. 

CapeTown

A mixologist and a tattoo artist.... bad tattoos happen after a load of drink. And IMHO it is a very tacky thing. My ex (fb) and I agreed to pay a 1000 quid each for my son and his wedding.  We have given them money towards a deposit for a house and made sure all our  children left university debt free. I think  you would be better placed giving less money for the wedding and perhaps more to house purchase.  All of a sudden the tacky tattoo artist won't be so popular 

Hopelessly_Addicted

When did tattoo stations at weddings become a thing?  I feel old.

P.S. moral dilemma part 2 (after dark): would it be inappropriate to request a tattoo on one's left buttcheek if you were a guest at this wedding?

2702

No you should not invite your pals to their wedding. Why would you do that? Are you giving them a gift or just want to pay for things that you like?Who's wedding is this?If you do not want to pay for certain things then just tell them.

carolinechapman01

No you have no say. You offered to pay. You have no control. It’s a gift. The best you can do is specify WHAT you will pay for, so everyone knows where they stand. No you can’t invite randoms it’s not your wedding.