I've been so stupid

kezzygirl

stu12345_2 said:

you say our debts are paid, does that mean you have a partner, what is their opinion on you gambling 

I'm confused whether you are in debt or not cos you wrote two different sentences explaining.

GameStop can block you from online sites, but some addicted gamblers know they can get around it , even though they banned themselves.

are you buying physical scratchcards  in corner shops or supermarkets, are the shopkeepers, till assistants making comments, such as is it for a syndicate or you must be well off  or anything other than will there be anything else 

 I ask cos at arcades, casinos etc when a customer assistant seems someone gambling lots or often they are required to interact and question you , eg can you afford it, do you think you have a problem, here is a leaflet to contact, would you like to bar yourself.

this may not happen when buying scratch cards at a corner shop or supermarket 

you need to replace the dopamine hit with another form of dopamine,

of course reading a good  book won't suffice. tbh the biggest hits come from  exercise, tobacco, gambling, drugs and sex amongst well known forms

at different stages in our lifes we may get these hits, then we try others, then we get addicted to one  or more of them 

it's like most alcoholics are smokers as well, they get the double hit

find the least addictive, cheapest , safest way to get the most dopamine in your life

they say gamblers that stop aren't cured, but they are always in remission. meaning they still have the urge, but they can now control it

it's like ex smokers, they still get the urge 5 years later when they see folk lighting up, but they don't light up themselves now.

there isn't an easy cure, sometimes it's one to one counselling that works over a course of time.

it depends on how strong your addiction is

the last thing you want is to be patronised. you know when folk say to smokers, why don't you just stop, it's not healthy.

I am married, have been for 18 years, together for 2q years. I buy scratchcards in the supermarket/corner shop- one or two £5 ones and about 3 £1 ones or a couple of £2 ones. I Do this a couple of times a month. The online is the real issue. I will add a tenner and zoom through that on online scratches within about 2 minutes. Previously I would then carry on with my day, but more recently I have been adding another ten and another and another. This all adds up. 

Yes, we have debts to the tune of about 20k. I'm struggling with budgeting, I used to be so good but now it's like a free for all. If I want it, il have it mentality. My husband doesn't know how much I've spent this past month. He won't be very happy but then his attitude has always been 'if the bills are paid that's ok'. I manage the finances and earn double what he does. There is ample opportunity for extra shifts to increase my wage but my job is very mentally draining.

kimwp

What's the purpose of the big win? (What will it allow you to do?)

stu12345_2

so you are saying you are in debt but you can meet the min payments in these debts, is that right.
but these debts could go down faster if you used your gambling money towards them.

so your husband puts you in charge of paying the bills, do you have separate bank accounts. 
do  you hope to get rid of your excessive gambling before your husband finds out, but how will he know how much you have spent eg this month if all bills and debts still managed to get paid.

 do you feel stress at work and use gambling as a form of escapism.it is normal for gamblers to be in the zone when they are gambling.
the house could be burning all around them , but all concentration is on that computer screen.

gambling sites are now not letting you gamble until you can prove you can afford to. they want statement if affairs, eg wages, bill , debts listed

what are your main priorities now.
is it"  cure" your urges, earn more money, block gambling websites, be truthful with husband, clear your debts faster.

write a list in what takes priority 
, 

EssexHebridean

You’re not stupid, you’re an addict - the two things are not the same, and indeed not even linked. There are plenty of stupid people in the world - most of them probably don’t gamble beyond the societal “norm” of a lottery ticket or similar. There are plenty of massively clever or intelligent people out there who DO gamble beyond that level. 

Although it’s a different situation, one thing I sometimes say to people in significant debt who arrive here saying how ashamed they feel etc is to stop and really think about those feelings - take a “mental snapshot” if you like of how entirely rubbish feeling that way is. Then, next time you pass the shop and think you might just pop in for a scratchcard, before you do, revisit that mental snapshot - remind yourself how unpleasant feeling that way was - and ask yourself if you want to do something that will make that feeling worse. Building in a pause before spending is often a really helpful strategy as it forces you to confront the reality of what you are doing. In your case it could enable you to think through the reasons you want to buy the scratch cards, and analyse the likelihood of the “why” - so that big win - actually happening. (Almost zero). In lottery speak - yes, it “could be you” but to be honest it’s so unlikely as to be almost a certainty that it WON’T be you. A certainty though is that if you were to put the £10 that you were going to spend on the scratch card in a savings account paying decent interest, then at the end of 12 months you WOULD have a “win” in the form of the interest.

I’d suggest getting some help from one of the gambling charities is pretty vital for you - it sounds like you’re already taking steps in that direction, and I also suggest that you need to stop the gambling spends entirely too, not just cut back. 

A huge well done for making what must have been an incredibly difficult post to a roomful of strangers too - that’s not easy, and I’d say shows that you are well on your way to seriously wanting to cure yourself of the problem you have admitted to.

stu12345_2

I'm getting the picture in my mind of your thoughts thinking if I get that £50000 win I can pay my debts in one easy swoop.
then life would be great. if that ever happened which it won't, would you then stop gambling.

I always used to say to wife when I seen the lottery adverts on TV with that one winner and their dream house ,yacht etc.

what they don't show is the 10 million losers that funded that one huge winner.

I am also surprised the GamStop advice you got was cut back your gambling. but keep gambling lessor amounts, less often.

I would have thought it would be stop and stop right now via website blocking tools,( a top priority  is online blockers)  and one to one or local group counseling.

either in person , telephone or online, normally you will find in your town a group meet in say a local church , community centre who meet once a month for mutual support, no it isn't like alcoholics anonymous, sat around a circle, it's regular folk that have gambling problems, or have overcame them, organising day trips, walks, barbecues, fun days,etc

 about 20% of folk that gamble in UK , from bingo, arcades, football, horses, scratchcards, greyhounds, are problem gamblers.
the illusion you see on TV gambling  documentaries are unemployed folk spending all their benefits, then beans on toast for a fortnight ,but it's employed folk in good jobs too.

so block those websites, speak to gamStop again, then if you have the courage tell your husband your problem.  there may be a lot of crying and shouting, but love is stronger than money imo.

I used to have a problem I'm about 95% cured.  I played online, then I blocked the sites( I learned online it's huge computer server manipulation, ( you could be playing and many folk in other towns or even countries gets the win  and your money!, and hence you could play for hours or days without a  decent win ), I played in arcades,( less online  computer  manipulation, as some machines are server based to other arcades, casinos etc but still exists to an extent)
I used to see guys with £1000 risk it daily, then the arcade assistant said he owns many pubs, or he owns the taxi company, or retired and just sold their company for hundreds of thousands.they can afford it 

( the best lesson that sticks in my mind was one day a punter said take your £20 and go to cafe. or pub  instead and buy a meal and a pint, it lasts much longer, as £20 can be spun at the rate if £2 every 4 seconds on a machine!)

no you can't win £50000 in an arcade, all I wanted to do was turn £100 into £200, yes it did happen, but I broke the cardinal rule, if you win, walk. I didn't walk, I got greedy, I was in the zone where nothing else mattered, except  that machine,
Id spend my winnings on another machine and my initial float and lose and left poorer

I wasnt rich, or had a great job, I never have been, my debt problems werent gambling but mostly constantly buying new cars or furnishing the home in credit card or taking holidays via credit cards, this was over a 10 yr period, then I stopped earning as much when i changed jobs , from a high stress one to a low stress one, but earning less

now if I want to play a fruit machine I only do it if the arcade is doing a free play once a month , you  go in and get a free £10 go and if you win you keep, if you lose , you don't care it was free money.

I live next to the seaside in a tourist town, so I'm exposed to lots of arcades!
I also found doing other things, away from the town helps, visit non gambling attractions, go for walks or even stay in and watch TV movie 

the idea  and marketing plan of the arcades was to hook newbies, but I aren't gullible or addicted anymore ,I'm in control, yes I did it without GameStop or help, I did it  from education as to why I gambled, why I couldn't afford to gamble and the fact that i wasn't a professional gambler and why the gambling arcade, online site always wins over the long-term, maybe not in the short-term. and the short term for me was not enough, I wanted to gamble longer and longer, which was so wrong, 

I still watch YouTube professional gamblers or pretend to be professional in Vegas or online sites or UK seaside arcades  .if they win or lose, who cares. it's just free YouTube with some adverts I skip forwards.
it cost me nothing to watch.

and if you read some of their YouTube comments from viewers,many state , thanks for the video , you have saved me £hundreds, watching you gamble instead of me gamble as I got my entertainment via that video 

there are a couple of folk( prob many more) that scratch off hundreds of cards and post it on YouTube, they never get the £50000, but their £200 advertising  revenue from YouTube views helps pay for their videos

Mr.Generous

There is nothing stupid about gambling as long as you know it is going to cost you money. You aren't going to win. You aren't going to come off even.

If a gambling company made zero profit then every gambler has paid for the infastructure, the overhead and the wages, but they don't break even. They make millions.

A lot of peoples hobby's cost them money. I spend quite a bit on mine. However I accept that it costs money, I don't kid myself that it's anything else. Very few hobbies take over a life and ruin it like gambling can.

Best advice, find something else and set a budget. You'll be a lot happier and better off. Some can gamble and stick to limits, some can't. Looking at the profits - Bet Fred - The company declared gross profit of £542.9m, up 38.8%,  Operating profit came in at £36.8m, an increase of 38.2%. Profit before tax totalled £37.8m, up from just £6.1m in the prior year. After £18.2m in taxes, profit after tax was £19.6m, almost four times the £5.3m registered in 2021

Yet all the punters win, or break even.

sourcrates

You won`t ever get that "big win" its a lovely thought, but it ain`t gonna happen.

I like a little flutter on the scratch cards too, but the odds are terrible, and so predictable, and the online version is just madness, you can and will lose a fortune.

I went through a period of playing the online slots, as well as the ones in the pub, was spending silly amounts of money and losing heavily. The stupid thing was I was well aware I was not ever going to recoup my losses, in the end I found cold turkey the best way to deal with it.

Don`t play online anymore, not done so since 2008, I keep off the pub machines, and only buy the cards in very small amounts, to say "gamble responsibly" is like saying "smoke responsibly" it ain`t ever going to happen as you always look for that buzz, and its just bad news all round, best to go cold turkey and leave it all behind.

kezzygirl

stu12345_2 said:

I'm getting the picture in my mind of your thoughts thinking if I get that £50000 win I can pay my debts in one easy swoop.
then life would be great. if that ever happened which it won't, would you then stop gambling.

I always used to say to wife when I seen the lottery adverts on TV with that one winner and their dream house ,yacht etc.

what they don't show is the 10 million losers that funded that one huge winner.

I am also surprised the GamStop advice you got was cut back your gambling. but keep gambling lessor amounts, less often.

I would have thought it would be stop and stop right now via website blocking tools,( a top priority  is online blockers)  and one to one or local group counseling.

either in person , telephone or online, normally you will find in your town a group meet in say a local church , community centre who meet once a month for mutual support, no it isn't like alcoholics anonymous, sat around a circle, it's regular folk that have gambling problems, or have overcame them, organising day trips, walks, barbecues, fun days,etc

 about 20% of folk that gamble in UK , from bingo, arcades, football, horses, scratchcards, greyhounds, are problem gamblers.
the illusion you see on TV gambling  documentaries are unemployed folk spending all their benefits, then beans on toast for a fortnight ,but it's employed folk in good jobs too.

so block those websites, speak to gamStop again, then if you have the courage tell your husband your problem.  there may be a lot of crying and shouting, but love is stronger than money imo.

I used to have a problem I'm about 95% cured.  I played online, then I blocked the sites( I learned online it's huge computer server manipulation, ( you could be playing and many folk in other towns or even countries gets the win  and your money!, and hence you could play for hours or days without a  decent win ), I played in arcades,( less online  computer  manipulation, as some machines are server based to other arcades, casinos etc but still exists to an extent)
I used to see guys with £1000 risk it daily, then the arcade assistant said he owns many pubs, or he owns the taxi company, or retired and just sold their company for hundreds of thousands.they can afford it 

( the best lesson that sticks in my mind was one day a punter said take your £20 and go to cafe. or pub  instead and buy a meal and a pint, it lasts much longer, as £20 can be spun at the rate if £2 every 4 seconds on a machine!)

no you can't win £50000 in an arcade, all I wanted to do was turn £100 into £200, yes it did happen, but I broke the cardinal rule, if you win, walk. I didn't walk, I got greedy, I was in the zone where nothing else mattered, except  that machine,
Id spend my winnings on another machine and my initial float and lose and left poorer

I wasnt rich, or had a great job, I never have been, my debt problems werent gambling but mostly constantly buying new cars or furnishing the home in credit card or taking holidays via credit cards, this was over a 10 yr period, then I stopped earning as much when i changed jobs , from a high stress one to a low stress one, but earning less

now if I want to play a fruit machine I only do it if the arcade is doing a free play once a month , you  go in and get a free £10 go and if you win you keep, if you lose , you don't care it was free money.

I live next to the seaside in a tourist town, so I'm exposed to lots of arcades!
I also found doing other things, away from the town helps, visit non gambling attractions, go for walks or even stay in and watch TV movie 

the idea  and marketing plan of the arcades was to hook newbies, but I aren't gullible or addicted anymore ,I'm in control, yes I did it without GameStop or help, I did it  from education as to why I gambled, why I couldn't afford to gamble and the fact that i wasn't a professional gambler and why the gambling arcade, online site always wins over the long-term, maybe not in the short-term. and the short term for me was not enough, I wanted to gamble longer and longer, which was so wrong, 

I still watch YouTube professional gamblers or pretend to be professional in Vegas or online sites or UK seaside arcades  .if they win or lose, who cares. it's just free YouTube with some adverts I skip forwards.
it cost me nothing to watch.

and if you read some of their YouTube comments from viewers,many state , thanks for the video , you have saved me £hundreds, watching you gamble instead of me gamble as I got my entertainment via that video 

there are a couple of folk( prob many more) that scratch off hundreds of cards and post it on YouTube, they never get the £50000, but their £200 advertising  revenue from YouTube views helps pay for their videos

Yes, my thoughts are that the debts would be cleared and we would be able to live a better life without having to work so hard. Ridiculous I know. I do fixate a bit on the debts and log in daily to them, even if I'm not making a payment. A bit obsessive. I do need a hobby. I also need to create a budget and stick to it. I've banned myself from lottery, mecca,play oji, sky bet, and gala. I need to knock this on the head.

kimwp

kezzygirl said:

stu12345_2 said:

I'm getting the picture in my mind of your thoughts thinking if I get that £50000 win I can pay my debts in one easy swoop.
then life would be great. if that ever happened which it won't, would you then stop gambling.

I always used to say to wife when I seen the lottery adverts on TV with that one winner and their dream house ,yacht etc.

what they don't show is the 10 million losers that funded that one huge winner.

I am also surprised the GamStop advice you got was cut back your gambling. but keep gambling lessor amounts, less often.

I would have thought it would be stop and stop right now via website blocking tools,( a top priority  is online blockers)  and one to one or local group counseling.

either in person , telephone or online, normally you will find in your town a group meet in say a local church , community centre who meet once a month for mutual support, no it isn't like alcoholics anonymous, sat around a circle, it's regular folk that have gambling problems, or have overcame them, organising day trips, walks, barbecues, fun days,etc

 about 20% of folk that gamble in UK , from bingo, arcades, football, horses, scratchcards, greyhounds, are problem gamblers.
the illusion you see on TV gambling  documentaries are unemployed folk spending all their benefits, then beans on toast for a fortnight ,but it's employed folk in good jobs too.

so block those websites, speak to gamStop again, then if you have the courage tell your husband your problem.  there may be a lot of crying and shouting, but love is stronger than money imo.

I used to have a problem I'm about 95% cured.  I played online, then I blocked the sites( I learned online it's huge computer server manipulation, ( you could be playing and many folk in other towns or even countries gets the win  and your money!, and hence you could play for hours or days without a  decent win ), I played in arcades,( less online  computer  manipulation, as some machines are server based to other arcades, casinos etc but still exists to an extent)
I used to see guys with £1000 risk it daily, then the arcade assistant said he owns many pubs, or he owns the taxi company, or retired and just sold their company for hundreds of thousands.they can afford it 

( the best lesson that sticks in my mind was one day a punter said take your £20 and go to cafe. or pub  instead and buy a meal and a pint, it lasts much longer, as £20 can be spun at the rate if £2 every 4 seconds on a machine!)

no you can't win £50000 in an arcade, all I wanted to do was turn £100 into £200, yes it did happen, but I broke the cardinal rule, if you win, walk. I didn't walk, I got greedy, I was in the zone where nothing else mattered, except  that machine,
Id spend my winnings on another machine and my initial float and lose and left poorer

I wasnt rich, or had a great job, I never have been, my debt problems werent gambling but mostly constantly buying new cars or furnishing the home in credit card or taking holidays via credit cards, this was over a 10 yr period, then I stopped earning as much when i changed jobs , from a high stress one to a low stress one, but earning less

now if I want to play a fruit machine I only do it if the arcade is doing a free play once a month , you  go in and get a free £10 go and if you win you keep, if you lose , you don't care it was free money.

I live next to the seaside in a tourist town, so I'm exposed to lots of arcades!
I also found doing other things, away from the town helps, visit non gambling attractions, go for walks or even stay in and watch TV movie 

the idea  and marketing plan of the arcades was to hook newbies, but I aren't gullible or addicted anymore ,I'm in control, yes I did it without GameStop or help, I did it  from education as to why I gambled, why I couldn't afford to gamble and the fact that i wasn't a professional gambler and why the gambling arcade, online site always wins over the long-term, maybe not in the short-term. and the short term for me was not enough, I wanted to gamble longer and longer, which was so wrong, 

I still watch YouTube professional gamblers or pretend to be professional in Vegas or online sites or UK seaside arcades  .if they win or lose, who cares. it's just free YouTube with some adverts I skip forwards.
it cost me nothing to watch.

and if you read some of their YouTube comments from viewers,many state , thanks for the video , you have saved me £hundreds, watching you gamble instead of me gamble as I got my entertainment via that video 

there are a couple of folk( prob many more) that scratch off hundreds of cards and post it on YouTube, they never get the £50000, but their £200 advertising  revenue from YouTube views helps pay for their videos

Yes, my thoughts are that the debts would be cleared and we would be able to live a better life without having to work so hard. Ridiculous I know. I do fixate a bit on the debts and log in daily to them, even if I'm not making a payment. A bit obsessive. I do need a hobby. I also need to create a budget and stick to it. I've banned myself from lottery, mecca,play oji, sky bet, and gala. I need to knock this on the head.

Not ridiculous, but extraordinarily unlikely. As you have a very good "why", you now need a solid plan to get there. And a hobby (maybe one that makes money, so you can drive the debt down?). 

For the budget and therefore plan, probably a good start is putting together your SOA. (See my signature)

stu12345_2

 your debts , are they legally enforceable, have you checked, written CCA letter requests, if they are old debts, and sold on, good chance your credit agreement has been lost by the debt company.

wife and I have knocked off £12000 cos the companies can't comply

yes, a  hobby is a great idea, I just spent 6 hours watching a box set on itvx for free, amazing.
but your hobby may never give you that dopamine rush from gambling, accept that fact.

what goes through your mind the most daily or hourly?

the debts or wanting to buy and scratch scratch cards?

you are caught in a rut mentally, I feel you may be suffering from mild depression, do you feel that way, that life is one long constant uphill struggle?
maybe a little trip to doctors and some temporary antidepressants, it can give you that dopamine, and stop you thinking too much about debts and motivate you into more creative and productive thoughts. which then turn in to positive actions

do you want to sort this before hubby finds out, or will he be understanding if he does find out?