I've been so stupid

kezzygirl

Been a member here for a while, looking back at my financial history and posts has provided reflection and regret.
I'm having a bit of a problem with gambling. Online scratchcards and instore scratchcards too. From 1st Dec to today I have spent £492 online- various sites. I banned myself from a few at the start of the month and then joined others. I've won nothing this month, but have lost £192. Money I cannot afford to lose. Last month I spent 300 but some winnings I paid back in brought me to even. The crux of it is, I'm hoping for a big win. I'm thinking I could be one of those people who win big, out of the blue, therefore can clear our debts and live a good life. Stupidly, I also do it when bored with the mind-set that I may have more chance of a big win in the middle of the day. I've had a look at Gamstop and they suggest Limiting the amount I spend a month, but to be honest I try to do that anyway, but end up withdrawing from savings for food/petrol, which defeats the object. I'm so ashamed. I guess I'm just posting here as I am hoping someone may be in a similar situation? Our bills and debts are paid, no falling behind with payments.

oldernonethewiser

Many people have done things they regret.

Stop gambling. 

Bookmakers don't lose money, mugs do and that is why bookies make money.

If you are struggling seek proper help.  There is lots of help online of you don't want to deal with "real people"

stu12345_2

stratchcards have terrible odds, you say debts and bills are up to date, but then you say you want a win to pay debts and lead the good life.

what I do is and this may be controversial,I go to watch you tube and watch YouTubers play fruit machines and scratch shop scratch cards.its entertainment.

if they lose, , ,but it's their risk and they make money from YouTube views. to help fund their channel.

I know fruit machines in arcades,  the workings, the odds, but online is different,  it's pure manipulation.

the biggest problem you have isn't hoping to make a million.
it's boredom, something is missing in your life. you seek the dopamine hit of a win. but our brains are designed to feel pain harder, than we feel joy .

you are seeing stratchcards as a friend, that lets you down hard at times, but other times, they can be your best mate ever.

tbh, it's never really about getting a million, its boredom that leads you to addiction, to the point stratcards enter your thoughts every few minutes,

I'm not sure if anything I write you can relate to, but I hope it does

kezzygirl

stu12345_2 said:

stratchcards have terrible odds, you say debts and bills are up to date, but then you say you want a win to pay debts and lead the good life.

what I do is and this may be controversial,I go to watch you tube and watch YouTubers play fruit machines and scratch shop scratch cards.its entertainment.

if they lose, , ,but it's their risk and they make money from YouTube views. to help fund their channel.

I know fruit machines in arcades,  the workings, the odds, but online is different,  it's pure manipulation.

the biggest problem you have isn't hoping to make a million.
it's boredom, something is missing in your life. you seek the dopamine hit of a win. but our brains are designed to feel pain harder, than we feel joy .

you are seeing stratchcards as a friend, that lets you down hard at times, but other times, they can be your best mate ever.

tbh, it's never really about getting a million, its boredom that leads you to addiction, to the point stratcards enter your thoughts every few minutes,

I'm not sure if anything I write you can relate to, but I hope it does

Thankyou, yes boredom does play some part in it. Logically I know odds are rubbish, but I feel the urge and have to have a go. I'm so ashamed about how much I've spent this last month, think and hope this is my wake up call. Just wish I didn't feel so bad

kimwp

What hobbies do you have?

stu12345_2

you say our debts are paid, does that mean you have a partner, what is their opinion on you gambling 

I'm confused whether you are in debt or not cos you wrote two different sentences explaining.

GameStop can block you from online sites, but some addicted gamblers know they can get around it , even though they banned themselves.

are you buying physical scratchcards  in corner shops or supermarkets, are the shopkeepers, till assistants making comments, such as is it for a syndicate or you must be well off  or anything other than will there be anything else 

 I ask cos at arcades, casinos etc when a customer assistant seems someone gambling lots or often they are required to interact and question you , eg can you afford it, do you think you have a problem, here is a leaflet to contact, would you like to bar yourself.

this may not happen when buying scratch cards at a corner shop or supermarket 

you need to replace the dopamine hit with another form of dopamine,

of course reading a good  book won't suffice. tbh the biggest hits come from  exercise, tobacco, gambling, drugs and sex amongst well known forms

at different stages in our lifes we may get these hits, then we try others, then we get addicted to one  or more of them 

it's like most alcoholics are smokers as well, they get the double hit

find the least addictive, cheapest , safest way to get the most dopamine in your life

they say gamblers that stop aren't cured, but they are always in remission. meaning they still have the urge, but they can now control it

it's like ex smokers, they still get the urge 5 years later when they see folk lighting up, but they don't light up themselves now.

there isn't an easy cure, sometimes it's one to one counselling that works over a course of time.

it depends on how strong your addiction is

the last thing you want is to be patronised. you know when folk say to smokers, why don't you just stop, it's not healthy.

tacpot12

kezzygirl said:

... The crux of it is, I'm hoping for a big win. I'm thinking I could be one of those people who win big, out of the blue, therefore can clear our debts and live a good life...

You shouldn't feel so bad - you have already identified the problem  ^^^   

I would print the above out, and write on it "I will not waste money hoping for something that may never happen."

You know that the money you spend gambling is better off spent clearing your debts, but anyone who has been in debt knows that paying off your debt is a thankless task - no-one is there encouraging you or will be there to cheer when cross the finish line (except for your partner/spouse). So you have to learn to spur yourself on, and celebrate the small wins (which are paying off debts, not gambling wins!)

I did it my treating myself to something nice whenever I had cleared a debt. This made the pain bearable. 

You have also identified that boredom plays a part. Could you get a part-time job start a side-hustle to would take up your time and earn a bit more towards paying off your debts? You can charrge for just about any sort of service, you might not have many takers, but even a few customers will keep you busy and bring in some income. You might even find that you are rushed off your feet!

stu12345_2

number one, you can't turn back time, what's been gambled  and lost is gone, it's in the past.

I've wasted money on wrong cars, fags,  booze, wrong girlfriends,  even wrong wife, and gambling too in my life.

you now have to be forward thinking and if that means getting one to one help, do it.

you need to sort the boredom and the addiction, easier said than done.
most ex gamblers count the months, years gamble free
 some  very heavy ex addicted gamblers I know of , only gamble once every 6 months, they take a limit to a casino, and are fully prepared to lose it all without any guilt, they never fully stopped, but are now in control  and that money is disposable income money.

I know of a man that lost £4000 in an afternoon on a fruit machine, him and his mate dragged that machine out on to the public pavement. police attended 
he had to sell his house, he gambled £100000 and lost over the years, via a remortgage on his home to provide funds

amazingly his wife stayed with him. his wife allows him  a small amount to play a machine every now and then to get it out of his system.

like I said many folk are never cured as such, but become non addicted and can control things now.
 they can take it or leave it 

what you described isn't an easy thing to fix, but it can get better, and the guilt goes away and  control and pride becomes in its place.

Beeboo23

I went through a bit of a scratch card phase. Didn’t spend loads but one thing I decided to do instead was let’s say I wanted to buy a £5 scratch card, I’d get £5 of premium bonds instead. Each £1 you put in has a chance to win a prize each month up to £1mil. You can take the money you’ve put in out at anytime. You’re still getting the chance at a big win but it’s not actually costing you anything. 

stu12345_2

so can I ask are your urges to gamble  through the addiction of the good feeling buzz you get when you win say £25 or is it the addictive urge of hope you have for a £50000 win which will 99.9999% never happen 

kezzygirl

stu12345_2 said:

so can I ask are your urges to gamble  through the addiction of the good feeling buzz you get when you win say £25 or is it the addictive urge of hope you have for a £50000 win which will 99.9999% never happen 

Defo for the big win. I will win a tenner and used to be so good at putting it back into my account, but recent months I haven't been and have just been continuing to play in the hope of a bigger win.