When a partner doesn't get it

anonmoose

I am getting increasingly frustrated with my husband who just seems to think we don't have to financially plan and everything will come good in the end.

I have spent many hours going over our figures and I have been asking him to increase his work contributions for around 2 months now.  I have probably mentioned it every other day with increasing urgency and this morning lost my rag and basically said if you don't increase your pension now I will be fine but you are on your own in retirement!  He promptly did it and the email took 2 minutes!!

He is just so laid back with everything but this is a time in our lives we have to make solid plans.  We are mid 40s and our pension pot isn't awful but needs ramping up now.  I recently got an inheritance so I have overhauled all our finances and got good plans in place.  I hope to retire in 10 yrs and I am getting so cross that he is happy coasting blindly thinking it just sorts itself out.  

I have always done everything with our finances and up until now haven't minded too much (we have been together 20yrs), but now I think he needs to start taking accountability.  Thankfully I have been chipping away at our mortgage for years so we are in an ok financial position.  After spending a long time going through our money I asked him if he wanted me to talk him through everything and he said no thanks!!  I have even found all his old works pensions and put them with my email address as I can't trust him to not ignore emails.  I am getting very frustrated.

So anyway my question isn't about numbers and financial planning as I am on top of that but how I can get my husband actively interested in this stuff.  I hope to retire in 10yrs but it would be nice for him to take an active interest in when he can/wants to retire.  Also I would worry that if I wasn't here he would have absolutely no idea where to start and make very bad decisions.  So how would you approach this situation?   Or would you just carry on by yourself and not worry his pretty head 

eastcorkram

You talk about when he can/wants to retire. Maybe he doesn't?
I think with some people, there's no point in forcing the issue. If they're not interested, they're not interested. My Mrs is similar. Hasn't the faintest interest in pensions etc. Even though she's turned 60. And I only mention that because I think that some people who have no interest, suddenly develop it in their 50s . Not her though . 

Albermarle

It has been mentioned many times by some of the regular posters on here that their partners are either  not interested at all , or at best only vaguely interested . The main worry being of course , 'what happens if I die first '

Over the population as a whole , I would guess maybe only a smallish minority take an interest in financial planning ( as opposed to day to day budgeting, which of course many people have to do just to keep their head above water ) 

Flugelhorn

I would just carry  on as you are - the story sort of reminds me of my parents not listening to a word I said about finances / property etc (specifically tenants in common) as what on earth could I possibly know about it  but when it was too late and mother heard about such from a nephew it was all a different matter and why didn't I do something etc etc. 

Suspect @anonmoose 's husband will one day hear about pensions etc from a colleague then suddenly there will be the plenty of the zeal of a convert. 

hugheskevi

It is the same in my household.

I just do all of the planning and tell my wife what she is going to be contributing to a pension, ISA, etc, each year.

I find there is more engagement in discussions about what retirement will look like, where we want to travel, where we want to live, what type of house, etc. That determines roughly what will be needed, and I make sure my plan will deliver that and keep my wife informed about what our likely retirement date will be based on the plan. Once upon a time I involved her in decisions about how to invest her assets, but it rapidly became clear that was a waste of time.

The plan includes provision for either of us dying early. In the event I died suddenly my wife knows where the spreadsheet that contains all of our financial details is and that she could retire immediately. She would just have to grapple with detail at that point.

leosayer

I'm in a similar situation with my wife.

I do all financial planning for our family and like you, I give her instructions about what to do with her own. I have set up ISA and SIPPs in her name with her consent and get their emails to her forwarded to me.

I do occasionally sit her down and show her where we are, what I am planning and why, along with some projections about what our retirement income will loom like. 

If your hubby doesn't want to discuss it then send him an email with the details, even if her never reads it! The act of writing that will help you see it from his perspective.

In summary, just carry on as you are. He will appreciate all your efforts when the time comes.

anonmoose

Maybe I shouldn't worry too much then. He isn't a big spender and all our accounts are joint so I do have control of it. And as I said his old works pensions I have log in details for.

It is that "what if I die first?" thought at the back of my mind. We still have kids at home and he doesn't even know basics like our online banking login. I am a planner through and through and just can't understand his mindset on this.

It was also the frustration of his current works pension which I couldn't do anything about. 

The annoying thing is he does want to retire early and I know when I retire he will expect to retire soon after. He just thinks an early retirement magically happens! Unfortunately he doesn't work with many his age or older and is home based so I am not sure pensions will come up.

anonmoose

I just read the last few responses. I will put something down on paper and even if he doesn't read it now at least he will have the information if needed.  That will help me feel a bit more comfortable about the situation.

anonmoose

dunstonh said:

So anyway my question isn't about numbers and financial planning as I am on top of that but how I can get my husband actively interested in this stuff. 

[DELETED BY FORUM TEAM]

Lol I think we have been married too long. He doesn't listen anymore 

theoretica

I think there are two issues here - one is whether two people both need to take an interest (or rather half an interest each to avoid doubling work) in the details of finances.  The other is if you are willing to take this on entirely and he is happy to let you, then it seems the exchange is that he should do as you request and not make the task you are taking on harder.

MEM62

anonmoose said:

I am getting increasingly frustrated with my husband who just seems to think we don't have to financially plan and everything will come good in the end.

anonmoose said:

I have always done everything with our finances and up until now haven't minded too much (we have been together 20yrs), but now I think he needs to start taking accountability.  

I think your expectation is unrealistic.  You have not asked him to play any part in your financial planning for 20 years yet expect him to change his attitude towards it just because you have changed yours.  That is unlikely to happen.  

You appear to have done a good job with your household finances thus far and have managed to get him to increase his pension contribution.  I would carry on as you are and save yourself the angst of trying to change him.