Takeaways are 'Taking Away' our income

Fingersoffish

Hi All!

In 2021 we spent almost £2,000 on Takeaways and Meals out... Not only is this bad for our health (From 28in to a 36in waist in 6 years and approx 9st to 12st 8) it is around 5% of our income. A shocking statistic that could really help us tackle our large debt of £26,000

Late-night takeaways make up 90% of this and are the main problem over meals out which are generally quality family time. 

Reasons:

- 2x Fussy eating children
- Hectic lifestyle (often getting home late etc. and little time or energy for cooking)
- Busy weekends which include a 6-hour drive on a Friday and Sunday evening.
- Poor shopping habits 
- A wife who REALLY REALLY likes Chinese 
- A husband with terrible willpower when it comes to food 

I know you might be inclined to say 'You know the reasons, do something about it' but there must be other people in this situation!

impoverishedtraveller

You say reasons, but they are really only excuses.

1. give your fussy eating children some food discipline.
2. Spend the 30 odd minutes you’d waiting for a takeaway by making the food yourself.
3.As above.
4. Educate yourself - Jamie Oliver has lots of good ideas on his website.
5. Get a Chinese cookbook and learn some recipes yourself. The internet is your friend here.
6. Get some from somewhere… if realising that you added 2k to your debt from this alone doesn’t help knock some sense into you, nothing will.

Fingersoffish

impoverishedtraveller said:

You say reasons, but they are really only excuses.

1. give your fussy eating children some food discipline.
2. Spend the 30 odd minutes you’d waiting for a takeaway by making the food yourself.
3.As above.
4. Educate yourself - Jamie Oliver has lots of good ideas on his website.
5. Get a Chinese cookbook and learn some recipes yourself. The internet is your friend here.
6. Get some from somewhere… if realising that you added 2k to your debt from this alone doesn’t help knock some sense into you, nothing will.

I appreciate your honesty and completely agree with you in principle - You're right it's a bunch of lazy excuses.

But when the OH doesn't support you with food discipline (I'm a firm believer in eating what you're given or going hungry it's what I was always told!) and will order the takeaways even when you say no thanks it's a little more difficult in practice!

But I did need to hear the hard truth so thank you!

elsien

a lot of these are under 30 minutes to make.
Chinese fakeaway recipes | BBC Good Food

How old are your children? Old enough to be given responsibility for a meal a week?
Do you and your wife both work? Are you both home late most days? Who does the majority of the shopping and cooking? 
If it's a time/motivation/planning issue then head over the the oldstyle part of the forum, you and your wife together. There's some good suggestions there. It does need both of you to be on board though. Are you?

Does every weekend have to include those long drives or can you have the occasional "sod it we're staying at home" time for planning  and catch up? 

Sea_Shell

Have you factored in the impending domestic fuel price increases, as they are likely to add substantially to your fixed costs, leaving even less budget (if any) for takeaways.

Maybe that will focus OHs mind?

Fingersoffish

elsien said:

a lot of these are under 30 minutes to make.
Chinese fakeaway recipes | BBC Good Food

How old are your children? Old enough to be given responsibility for a meal a week?
Do you and your wife both work? Are you both home late most days? Who does the majority of the shopping and cooking? 
If it's a time/motivation/planning issue then head over the the oldstyle part of the forum, you and your wife together. There's some good suggestions there. It does need both of you to be on board though. Are you?

Does every weekend have to include those long drives or can you have the occasional "sod it we're staying at home" time for planning  and catch up? 

My children are 6 and 8. 8 YO only stays with us at weekends. The trips on Friday and Sunday are to pick him up and drop him off (250 mi round trip) so not really avoidable!

We do the shopping 50/50 but I do 95% of the cooking. We both work - Wife works early AM and finishes just after lunch. I'm rarely home until late due to work although some days I work from home.

I'll take a look at the fakeaways and see if i can get her on board!

Racky_Roo

what about trying to do some batch cooking so you don't need to actually cook some nights when you know you'd be too tired etc. Casseroles, fish pie, cowboy pie etc all freeze well and cooking double doesn't take any longer.

I'm really lazy myself so always make sure I have something quick to reheat and it definitely works for me

Fingersoffish

Sea_Shell said:

Have you factored in the impending domestic fuel price increases, as they are likely to add substantially to your fixed costs, leaving even less budget (if any) for takeaways.

Maybe that will focus OHs mind?

Absolutely, we have already seen our shopping bill creep up from £50 to £60 per week. Diesel from £245 a month to about £270.... Expect Gas/Electric to go up £80-85 in April so it's having a big effect.

But she doesn't like to get involved with finances. That's definitely seen as my job!

Sea_Shell

I think she needs to get involved!!

Lay out all the facts and figures and go through them.

You say you have hectic lives, but can you afford to NOT make space in your diaries for a "budget planning meeting".

Flick85

I’m also a big fan of takeaways… and disliked how much I was spending on them. So, I allow myself 1 actual takeaway a month by myself, and other weekends I do “fakeaway” packs from the supermarket which are much cheaper. If I’m socialising, I may have an additional takeaway, but that comes out of my socialising budget so feel it’s accounted for separately.

EssexHebridean

She either needs to get involved with the finances (ask her how she would cope with things if she's never BEEN involved if you dropped dead/went under a bus tomorrow - yes it's brutal, but sometimes brutal is needed) or she needs to accept that you are in control of those finances, and so what you say goes with regard to ordering takeaway etc. Do you both have your own spending money? If so one solution might be to suggest that if one of you wants a takeaway and the other is adamant that no, they will cook, then that takeaway for the party that wants it comes from their own spends, NOT the family budget. 

It is SO important that the finances in a household aren't only understood by one person - we've had people post on here previously in absolute pieces because a partner has ended up in hospital - or worse - and they literally have no idea how to access bank accounts, what various payments are for - it is unbelievably distressing for all parties and so easy to avoid. 

Can your ex meet you part way with the 8Y/O - it seems ludicrous that you're having to travel 500 miles in a weekend each time! 

If you can get to the root of the fussy eating then that might also help - although it may be best to choose your battles on that one and just focus on trying to deal with the eating habits of the one who is with you all the time as obviously what happens on the other 5 days of the week for 8Y/O is out of your control. Aside from anything else, teaching them now about how a balanced diet works will set them up for a far healthier future - something that both you and your wife should want to get behind! 

Start to view takeaways as a treat not a lifestyle. Maybe initially get the children to help choose whether you go for a meal as a family on a Saturday or you order a takeaway on the Saturday evening to enjoy at home, perhaps in front of a film that you've all agreed to watch? make it an either/or - "we can go to X and have lunch, or we can get a takeaway from Y for dinner - both not both - shall we vote on it?".  it's a great life lesson from them that you can't do "all the things" and that budgets play a part in the things you choose to do.