Need to resign

When is it ok to resign... how much does one have to go through with anxiety and stress before it's 'acceptable' to resign without having anything else lined up?

I've been at my current company for over four years now and have struggled with its toxic structure and management but took each day as it came and got through.  I've worked from home for the past 2 years and there has been no support or assistance whatsoever. My line manager left six months ago and has not yet been replaced.  I've no idea what's happening in the company.  I have no line manager, no HR dept, just one 'colleague; who it would not be appropriate to discuss work matters with.   I have to work with the top level structure that's left and they are unapproachable and disinterested in 'staff matters'.  If I raise queries about work that I'm given by them I'm faced with rudely polite, 'smart', sarcastic responses, which is cc'd to others as a form of humiliation.  I am given inconsistent and contradictory information yet expected to complete projects and when I do ask for clarification, I get those snotty emails, and I end up going around in circles not knowing who or where to turn to for advice and support.  Needless to say, my mental health has been suffering for the last six months, anxiety is rife - shaking as I'm typing this, I've been having constant tension headaches on a daily basis and currently under a GP about them and I don't want to be in this position any longer.  I'm a fighter, I'll get on with my job sucessfully, have years of experience, however only until I can take no more and that time has come.  I simply do not wish to remain working for this company any longer - I think I'll have to go on anti-depressants to continue working there which I don't want to do.  

Financially, we are not in a good position in so much as all our savings is there to buy a small house.  My husband doesn't earn a great deal.  I am actively applying for other roles but in my mid 50s, it's more challenging than say  my 30s or even 40s.  But I really do fear having a nervous breakdown if I stay in this job any longer.  I know that it will be very tough to be out of a job not knowing if I'll ever be employed again but honestly, that stress would be far easier to deal with than the stress I'm currently under.   At the moment I feel I'm in prison doing a life sentence.

 Advice greatly appreciated.
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Replies

  • JillanddyJillanddy Forumite
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    My sympathies, I think you work the same place I do...

    But I'm not sure what you are asking. You can quit any time you want. You always could have. But it doesn't seem that's affordable or what you really want. So what have you done to change this situation? What jobs have you applied for? Mid 50's is hardly old that days and there's a lot of years left before you reach pension age.  What are your plans for those years? 
  • felinefancyfelinefancy Forumite
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    Jillanddy said:
    My sympathies, I think you work the same place I do...

    But I'm not sure what you are asking. You can quit any time you want. You always could have. But it doesn't seem that's affordable or what you really want. So what have you done to change this situation? What jobs have you applied for? Mid 50's is hardly old that days and there's a lot of years left before you reach pension age.  What are your plans for those years? 
    Hi there.. no, to resign is not affordable because it would eat into our savings, and because of that I'm concerned however, my health is worth more than my job.  I'm just concerned that I'm not going to find another job if I do resign.  It's just becoming intolerable.  I'm a PA and I'm applying for the usual roles but not too many jobs available in my area.  I'd love a new job where there's a really good support structure and teamwork, collaborative working, respect and appreciation because all these are unquestionably lacking in my current working environment.  I'm just unsure how much more I can continue because the workplace is becoming increasingly toxic as time goes on.
  • ThrugelmirThrugelmir Forumite
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    Resign when you've an offer for a new job. Always remember that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. 
    Real insurance claim quote : -

    "Going to work at 7am this morning I drove out of my drive straight into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early.".
  • JillanddyJillanddy Forumite
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    Jillanddy said:
    My sympathies, I think you work the same place I do...

    But I'm not sure what you are asking. You can quit any time you want. You always could have. But it doesn't seem that's affordable or what you really want. So what have you done to change this situation? What jobs have you applied for? Mid 50's is hardly old that days and there's a lot of years left before you reach pension age.  What are your plans for those years? 
    Hi there.. no, to resign is not affordable because it would eat into our savings, and because of that I'm concerned however, my health is worth more than my job.  I'm just concerned that I'm not going to find another job if I do resign.  It's just becoming intolerable.  I'm a PA and I'm applying for the usual roles but not too many jobs available in my area.  I'd love a new job where there's a really good support structure and teamwork, collaborative working, respect and appreciation because all these are unquestionably lacking in my current working environment.  I'm just unsure how much more I can continue because the workplace is becoming increasingly toxic as time goes on.
    With respect - that is a shopping list, and one you cannot possibly guarantee finding. What have you actually done in the last 2-4 years to find another job? Because if you have actually been looking for that length of time, and not found anything because there isn't anything in your area, it honestly doesn't seem realistic to resign. And if you have applied for "the usual jons" what does that mean - and what about other jobs? Whilst I see your point about your health, it isn't healthy to be out of work and poor either! Have you looked into counselling to help you manage the job better? If this is the job you must have for now, until you get another, then you need to look at how you manage it; and what you are doing to get out of it. It's hard for people here to be able to give you positive advice without that kind of information. But based on a list of complaints about what it isn't, we can only sympathise - and sympathy changes nothing for you. 
  • felinefancyfelinefancy Forumite
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    Jillanddy said:
    Jillanddy said:
    My sympathies, I think you work the same place I do...

    But I'm not sure what you are asking. You can quit any time you want. You always could have. But it doesn't seem that's affordable or what you really want. So what have you done to change this situation? What jobs have you applied for? Mid 50's is hardly old that days and there's a lot of years left before you reach pension age.  What are your plans for those years? 
    Hi there.. no, to resign is not affordable because it would eat into our savings, and because of that I'm concerned however, my health is worth more than my job.  I'm just concerned that I'm not going to find another job if I do resign.  It's just becoming intolerable.  I'm a PA and I'm applying for the usual roles but not too many jobs available in my area.  I'd love a new job where there's a really good support structure and teamwork, collaborative working, respect and appreciation because all these are unquestionably lacking in my current working environment.  I'm just unsure how much more I can continue because the workplace is becoming increasingly toxic as time goes on.
    With respect - that is a shopping list, and one you cannot possibly guarantee finding. What have you actually done in the last 2-4 years to find another job? Because if you have actually been looking for that length of time, and not found anything because there isn't anything in your area, it honestly doesn't seem realistic to resign. And if you have applied for "the usual jons" what does that mean - and what about other jobs? Whilst I see your point about your health, it isn't healthy to be out of work and poor either! Have you looked into counselling to help you manage the job better? If this is the job you must have for now, until you get another, then you need to look at how you manage it; and what you are doing to get out of it. It's hard for people here to be able to give you positive advice without that kind of information. But based on a list of complaints about what it isn't, we can only sympathise - and sympathy changes nothing for you. 
    I have managed my job well all these years up until my line manager left.. in the meantime I was applying for similar roles but as I wasn't successful, I continued in my current role, taking the bad days with the good days.  The structure has disintegrated  recently as explained hence now actively seeking a new job.  We are now in a new area where there are less opportunities however I have applied for several over the past week and registered my CV on various jobsites.  I will also register with numerous agencies.  To manage I may need to speak with my GP for medicinal assistance with my anxiety - a route I was keen to avoid.
  • MarconMarcon Forumite
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    When is it ok to resign... how much does one have to go through with anxiety and stress before it's 'acceptable' to resign without having anything else lined up?


    Acceptable to whom? It's your health and your decision, and only you know how bad things are.

    Once you get into a downward spiral, it's very hard to reverse that. Seeing your GP would be a good first step - but don't assume that they will automatically provide 'medicinal assistance' if other routes are available and might make inroads into your problem. Is there anything you could do to help yourself, be it assertiveness training, yoga, meditation, brisk walks...? They all sound a bit trite when written down, but possibly worth considering.
  • MalMonroeMalMonroe Forumite
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    Hi, I'm so sorry that you've been struggling along in this nightmare scenario.

    Sometimes you just have to admit defeat, no matter how much of a fighter you consider yourself to be. You are so right when you say your health is more important. Last century (oh, it seems odd to write that! but it's true) I was also a PA in a very high powered job and didn't even know I was depressed until a colleague told me I was. Not even that she thought I was. I denied it but burst into tears, whereupon she took me to the staff room, gave me tea and sympathy and then advised me to go home and make an appointment with my GP. My GP was very understanding and agreed with my colleague. He advised counselling. He also said I could have anti-depressants if I wanted but I said no. He said I should take four weeks off work and gave me a note. I ended up never going back to that job. Fortunately for me, voluntary redundancies were on offer and I applied for one and was accepted. Six months later I applied for a full time undergrad place at Uni and graduated with a BA hons degree three years later at the age of 53. But I'm not saying that's for everyone. Sometimes you have to make a move first before other things fall into place. I didn't even have a partner but my daughter had just started her second year at uni and it felt like the right thing to do. I loved it. And when I'd graduated I got another job - at a higher grade than the one that made me ill - but with less stress. (Much better management.) Age should not be a barrier to getting any job either. If it is, there's the Equality Act 2010 to fall back on!

    You don't even have to have any medication if you don't want to but I would advise seeing your GP and explaining the situation and asking if he/she would be willing to sign you off for a while so you can just have a breather. During that time you could take time to look for another job, it doesn't even have to be at the same level you are now, something to keep you ticking over until you feel more able to take on more challenging things. Have you tried any agencies? Or the NHS? They're always advertising for all levels of secretarial assistance where I live. 

    I'm about to launch myself into an online business at the age of 71 because (my daughter says) I still have 'marketable skills'. Once a PA - well, you always have a multitude of fabulous skills! 

    I do hope you manage to sort things out - it sounds like your confidence is being eroded as well. You don't deserve it. :)


    N.B.
    MSE forum rules : "No two people have the same circumstances or experience and it is up to you to investigate, check and check again before you make any decisions or take any action based on information you glean from our community. Remember, don't rely on what you are reading. Verify it and protect yourself. You are responsible for any action you consequently make."  
  • 74jax74jax Forumite
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    You can resign at any time you want.

    I loved my job, would still recommend the company to others, but one conversation with my director and a weeks worth of 'work issues' was all it took for me. Been there many many years

    I had no job lined up and a 3 month notice period, I could have looked for another job in that time (I didn't) but its worth considering how long your notice is.

    Some stay for years with issues, some like me don't. There is no right or wrong,as its an individual choice with individual circumstances. 
    Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....
  • TELLIT01TELLIT01 Forumite
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    Resign when you've an offer for a new job. Always remember that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. 

    Exactly this if you are not in a financial position to survive without your salary.  In the meantime, switch off from the internal politics and sarcasm from managers.  Not easy to do I agree but that's the only option available.  Having been at the company 4 years you do have employment rights and if they sacked you there would be action you could take against them.
  • theoreticatheoretica Forumite
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    You need to look at this with your husband - how much is the minimum income you need as a couple and how are you going to get it.  You say your husband doesn't earn much - could this change for the sake of your health?  Is leaving the job more important than your savings?  What jobs are recruiting and is retraining or taking something out of your previous field possible for either of you?
    But a banker, engaged at enormous expense,
    Had the whole of their cash in his care.
    Lewis Carroll
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