It's the final countdown...£10k to go

t2rry

SuperSavingD said:

I’m with you on the small spends adding up but looking at your signature you have done amazing this year with paying off over £10k and the years not up yet.

I want so many house things at the minute.  I’m writing them down then picking one thing a month to get.  This month was new bedding for us and next is Christmas bedding for the kids.  After that a blind for the living room, just in time for Xmas.

Your doing great 👍   

Thank you!!! We have done well, must admit we’ve made a lot of savings in childcare this year, which has given us a real boost. I feel almost guilty at the fact the year has proven financially beneficial for us when the world is struggling, but equally I know it’s not forever and I want to get us to a position of improved security. DH’s job is pretty secure but mine is not by a long shot.   

So with you on the house stuff, I am trying to repurpose existing things and do all the jobs that need doing (Snags I guess) before buying new, there are some big-ish things that we need after managing With old/second hand. Nothing desperate though so I love the idea of one thing per month. 

t2rry

mark55man said:

hi t2rry - my timeline and target are the same as yours, so will come along for the ride if that's OK.  Keep going you've done great this year - its amazing how frugal you can be when there is a pandemic outside and nothing to do (and in my case, not much interest at all in leaving the house unless its essential). 

Hi 👋🏻 thanks so much for joining, I’ve just caught up on your latest diary & have subscribed, it’s amazing!! 

I’m actually with you on the no interest in leaving the house. The year has played to my introverted nature well, though it may take some unpicking, my DH is more a social butterfly so has struggled a little more albeit accepts it has done wonders for us financially. 

ceremony

Wow, you've done brilliantly this year!  I'm in a similar position (lockdown means spending less so finally started clearing things off, although slower than you).

Here's to smooth sailing for your last six months or so!

Hopefully once it's all clear the world will be back to normal and you can go do something fun with the extra cash you'll suddenly have in your budget

mark55man

t2rry said:

mark55man said:

hi t2rry - my timeline and target are the same as yours, so will come along for the ride if that's OK.  Keep going you've done great this year - its amazing how frugal you can be when there is a pandemic outside and nothing to do (and in my case, not much interest at all in leaving the house unless its essential). 

Hi 👋🏻 thanks so much for joining, I’ve just caught up on your latest diary & have subscribed, it’s amazing!! 

I’m actually with you on the no interest in leaving the house. The year has played to my introverted nature well, though it may take some unpicking, my DH is more a social butterfly so has struggled a little more albeit accepts it has done wonders for us financially. 

Thank you - one of my kids say he says that he used the lockdown to discover that his preferred lifestyle was quarantine !! although he has many many online contacts he just is better at home 

t2rry

ceremony said:

Wow, you've done brilliantly this year!  I'm in a similar position (lockdown means spending less so finally started clearing things off, although slower than you).

Here's to smooth sailing for your last six months or so!

Hopefully once it's all clear the world will be back to normal and you can go do something fun with the extra cash you'll suddenly have in your budget

Thank you , but not at all you've done so well in such a short timeframe!! Definitely looking forward to that day when we have that money to put into a positive account!!!

t2rry

Monday morning round up and a bit disappointed with our spending this month, especially given we still have 2 weeks until payday.  Hubs went out on Saturday evening, I did not realise he was eating out, I thought it was just a couple of drinks. £70 down.  That's a week's food budget, and was spending not budgeted for.  High hourly rate of spending too when he could only be 'out' for about 2-3 hours!! I really don't want to be the person who stops him, it's not like either of us have done much socialising this year, but we are so close to paying it all off and being able to relax, that when its the second night out in the month it's meant I have to delve into the banked funds to replenish the food budget for the next 2 weeks.  Meanwhile I'm walking around in socks & tights with holes in because I don't want to spend the money to buy new whilst I can manage.  Then I regret my spending, like having had my hair cut for the second and probably last time this year.  Because that's £100 I could have saved.  

That turned into a bit of a moan, didnt it?  I don't mean to, I just really want to get to the end of this and because I manage it all, I'm more likely to be the one to go without.  I'm feeling a bit down generally about a lot of things at the moment so this just tops that feeling up.  As much as my personality almost suits the lockdown life, I'm feeling it at the moment, and can feel hints of frustration with how many plates I need to keep spinning maybe in comparison to DH.  They are self-centred thoughts, I know, DH is incredibly supportive and does what he think is best and wants everyone to be happy, but I can't help but feel that I shoulder the greater load....the finances, the kids, the house, organising whatever needs organising.    Almost stereotypical isn't it, but if a bed needs changing, if a room needs cleaning, if someone needs to be contacted, the kids need an appointment, or new clothes, to the extent that we had a mini fall out this weekend because I haven't contacted someone about a house thing.  DH has the person's contact details, if he thought or looked for them (the same as I'd have to think or look for them), it's not the top of my priority list with everything else that is going on and needs thinking about, it's still not the top of my priority list, probably won't be until the new year, but maybe his priority list doesn't see what else is on mine, so it's somehow the most important thing to him at the moment.  But it's me that fails if we don't do something, if we miss a birthday (whether my family or his) it's me that's caused it.  And with us both working at home, still with kids in tow for the most part, I physically see the difference each day, I have to manage the house and kids to enable him to get important work done, I rarely feel like the opposite also applies.  It's like, because his job brings in a higher wage, it's more important. The income split is 45/55, it's hardly a significant difference but it feels like it is.

So there's my cathartic moan.  We're very lucky, we are, and we make a good team for the most part, just having a down week or so I guess and I live so much in my head, going over and over and over everything, it's hard to see clearly sometimes

mark55man

Bit of male perspective here - I think your OH is being a bit of a n0b.  Going out isn't the thing but £70 for an evening - that's no self control, or rather a lot of self indulgence.  The other stuff its easy to count up all you do, and overlook the stuff he does (and not just the 55%) - so maybe look again and if it is true he's not doing a lot - you can be more confident when you raise it with him

ceremony

Sad to read that you're not feeling supported at the moment.

In terms of the going out and spending thing, is it possible for you both to have a budget that you can spend on whatever you like? My husband and I have a play money budget. I blow mine on small things day to day to keep myself sane, he saves his and buys expensive tech. It's a budgetted, agreed amount and there's no judgement for how we spend it as long as all the bills are paid. It hels a lot.

The work/life balance and emotional labor thing is really common. It's definitely worth having a frank conversation with him, reminding him that you're partners in life. He may just be used to 'someone else' doing all the chores and be rather surprised if you calmly point it out.

t2rry

mark55man said:

Bit of male perspective here - I think your OH is being a bit of a n0b.  Going out isn't the thing but £70 for an evening - that's no self control, or rather a lot of self indulgence.  The other stuff its easy to count up all you do, and overlook the stuff he does (and not just the 55%) - so maybe look again and if it is true he's not doing a lot - you can be more confident when you raise it with him

thank you.  So we had a discussion about it, because it's never good to stew, I find it only makes things bigger than they need to be.  I'm glad we did, because it turns out there's something of a reasonable explanation for the £70 spend.  I mentioned this was DH's second evening 'out' this month (which itself isn't too common), well the first he spent £13. I remember thinking that was good, never considered it was too good, turns out his friend did a tab for that one so paid the bulk, so DH returned the favour.  That means his nights out average approx. £40 each, which is a lot more palatable when one includes a meal. I've had one, that cost £25, but I was very pleasantly surprised by that cost and honestly think the venue must have missed something off.

You're very right about counting up what we each do, so much easier to list mine and I know I have different standards when it comes to the house.  I read a really annoyingly reasonable article once that explained how, as the tidy one, I could avoid getting annoyed by his lack of the same.  I need to find it again and bookmark it for those days i work myself up!

t2rry

ceremony said:

Sad to read that you're not feeling supported at the moment.

In terms of the going out and spending thing, is it possible for you both to have a budget that you can spend on whatever you like? My husband and I have a play money budget. I blow mine on small things day to day to keep myself sane, he saves his and buys expensive tech. It's a budgetted, agreed amount and there's no judgement for how we spend it as long as all the bills are paid. It hels a lot.

The work/life balance and emotional labor thing is really common. It's definitely worth having a frank conversation with him, reminding him that you're partners in life. He may just be used to 'someone else' doing all the chores and be rather surprised if you calmly point it out.

Thanks Ceremony - I think this is not far off what I've come to figure out.  DH has always had an allowance, I move it to his solo bank account and what he does with it is up to him - I've never allowed myself the same courtesy, but for years now I've done that so I don't feel irritated by what I perceive to be unnecessary spending and he feels he has some freedom in that sense.  It works well, except when he's run out of the allowance (as he did this month, which meant spending came from the joint account)

I also need to accept that with the balance thing a lot of it is on me - I am very much stuck in my ways in terms of how to do certain things, so can I really blame him when he doesn't meet that standard or stops bothering to try when I might do it again 'properly'.  There are definitely some things that I have no such ways about, and which he still doesn't bother doing, but he also does one particular daily task that I can't stand, and he does it without complaint, so I need to remind myself of those parts when I get in a funk.  I also definitely know this funk comes from other issues, feeling isolated, frustration with the monotony, missing family, one or two upsets personally.  It will pass.

 Anyway, what I've realised this month between this little downer and also having now tracked every single spend rather than lumping all 'day to day' spending into one pot, is that we really do need to spend more than just on food.  I think we'll have spent approx £400-£450 on food this month, for 4 of us I don't think that's too bad, and there's definitely room to save some on that.  It's the rest that I realise I do need to budget for, because then I'll feel better about spending it.  I already budget for birthdays each month, I think we now need to budget other things too.  I'll follow up with a little breakdown