It's time to begin.....

Chrystal

I honestly don't know how you've put up with hin for so long.  (((hugs)))XX

stymied

Good for you Kakiste! Stay strong x

GeorgianaCavendish

You don’t “owe” him anything, in fact you wouldn’t have had the debt if if he hadn’t weaponised his incompetence and left you with no alternative but to borrow the money in order to keep your family afloat. His attempts to continue to control you financially are completely transparent and I’m glad you are sticking to your guns on this. 

I expect that these attempts will increase as you pay off more of the car, stay strong and keep thinking about your escape fund.

peb

My only concern is that you are married, please seek legal advice asap.   It would be a nightmare if your carefully stashed savings got taken into account with any financial settlement.  A free half hour should suffice. 🤗

Kakiste

I've got a friend (not a mutual one) who is a solicitor so i'll have a word with her next time I see her @peb

To be fair though- I shouldn't imagine it will be a big problem. My savings are fairly minor at the moment and will firstly be earmarked for a deposit and first month's rent on a rental property- (which will be spent and gone long before any divorce papers are signed) 

I do see what you mean about the finances I'm proposing to save up to be a financial cushion. I'll talk to the solicitor friend. 

peb

Good.  Pleased you have a suitable friend

Kakiste

So I got an amazing deal on circus tickets for tonight a few weeks ago - (£30 rather than £93 for premium ringside seats on an early bird special) I reminded the kid that we're going so we were slightly late to breakfast club this morning as she was doing a choreographed dance to one of the Greatest Showman songs for me. Very cute

jokono

Sounds very cute, enjoy!

SandyShores

Wouldn't each other's savings be taking into account i.e. lumped together and divided?  I don't know a lot about it but I assumed that if your assets and savings are say a total of £40k e.g. 2 cars and savings, then if his car was worth £15k and yours worth £10k, then you'd have an extra £5k of the savings then split the rest.  Although if you'd already spent yours on a deposit then it wouldn't exist anymore to be lumped in.  Really wise to get some proper advice though.

You've done great paying off all the debt and nearly all of the car.  Definitely keep it yourself, it almost sounds like financial abuse to want to take it from you.  Your escape fund is your secret kryptonite!  Good luck, stay strong.

abaka

Just read up on this.  And I’m appalled at the treatment by your husband.  It’s a form of gaslighting and financial abuse.  The things he says and does are just cruel.

my wife has said some hurtful but true things to me regarding my decisions that led to my debts.  But despite that she is 100% behind and supporting me…as our marriage vows said for better or worse.  And what one of us faces, we both face.  None of this it’s your fault you deal with it on your own nonsense!!