It's time to begin.....

GeorgianaCavendish

I’m so glad you are looking into private rentals, just getting the info together is really valuable at the moment. 

Honestly your husband sounds so much like my uncle. One example of his warped perspective - about 10 years ago they needed a new oven and new sofa, my aunt & uncle agreed she would buy the oven and he would buy the sofa. She bought the oven back then, he STILL hasn’t bought the sofa and now that the old one is literally falling apart and it’s becoming critical to get a new one , he is claiming he doesn’t remember this agreement and wouldn’t have agreed to it because “she’s the only one that uses the oven, so where is the benefit for me”. Completely refusing to acknowledge that he eats meals prepared by her on the oven! My aunt also pays for the majority of household bills and all the food shopping while my uncle has a lot of money in savings. Yet any conversation she has about trying to make spending more equal causes a huge argument, along the lines of her “accusing him of not being able to provide for his family” and “emasculating him”. 

Kakiste

Yep that sounds very familiar.

enthusiasticsaver

He sounds so manipulative and as you say has a pattern of kicking off with the aim of  you shouldering the burdens for a quiet life.  I would say that he is responsible for half the wedding loan and half the childcare costs.  None of the money he has paid towards the debt in the past is enforcable so I would not be paying him a penny.  You don't have a house to worry about splitting but of course you do need to come to some sort of amicable arrangement re access to your daughter.  It is all bluster about him getting total custody though.  There is no way that would happen. 

The sooner you no longer have to put up with this the better.  @GeorgianaCavendish Your uncle does sound like @Kakiste husband.  I am amazed his wife has put up with this for more than 10 years.  Maybe she should stop cooking his meals for him on her oven.  Difficult when you are living with someone like that so I guess you put up with a lot to avoid rocking the boat which is exactly what these abusers (and this is what they are) count on. 

Kakiste

Just me and the kid today. I'm looking forward to it. Need to nip to the shops to get some staples soon and also some other bits as daughter has asked if we can do 'a spa day' Not quite sure where she got that idea from!

 My plan is to buy a bottle sparkling orange/cranberry drink from Aldi- whack it in a fancy glass and pick up a facemask and a cucumber and she can have that on with some relaxing music playing whilst I paint her nails. I reckon she will have a 40 minute tolerance for sitting down before she's climbing the trees in the front garden with the cat again (latest hobby)

Oh and I didn't get accepted on the rental- on the basis of my credit report as I thought- but at least I've looked into it and I know that it will be improving every month and two of the three adverse markers will be gone by Christmas.

Honeysucklelou2

My sympathies Kakiste, my ex is from the same mould in regards to finances as your H and GC’s uncle.  Take care.

Kakiste

@SonnyLumiere- I appreciate the warning. Ive deleted the joke from my previous post. 

I'm going to go back through my posts in a minute and delete anything especially identifying. I'd really appreciate it if you deleted the initials in your post. 

GeorgianaCavendish

Good idea to modify or delete posts with identifying info. You can also use the “report” button to have any posts from other users looked at by a board mod. 

Kakiste

Thank you.

Spent today sorting out the beach party for next weekend- everyone so far has replied that they are coming.

Also went on a bike ride to see my friend's pugs. They've just moved house to within a 15 minute bike ride of us which is lovely.  

Kakiste

Car insurance started today- Managed to get my monthly DD down from £37 to £31 which I pleased with. Did start a savings pot so I could pay it in one chunk but the money got used to pay for a service earlier in the year; So I'm going to try it again this year and hopefully pay it in a lump sum. 

However that's a saving of £6 a month and if I'd let it auto-renew then it would have cost me £116 more a year than the policy I've just taken out.

GeorgianaCavendish

Great work on the car insurance - I always feel that savings on insurance are a little reward for vigilance in not just accepting an autorenewal. 

The trip to visit the pugs (and your friend) sounds perfect