It's time to begin.....

Sarahwithlove

I'm glad you got yourselves out of that situation and away. The one thing I hated as a child growing up was seeing and hearing the constant arguments between my parents. So anything that reduces the exposure on the kid the better. 

Kakiste

She was unaware of the entire thing thankfully. I hate that in the past she's witnessed me being yelled at as I really dont want to model that as a normal relationship for her. 

Kakiste

He's escalated it back to "that's it, we're over" which he hasnt done in several months. Ive stayed calm and not engaged with the rising hysteria that he's clearly trying to provoke a reaction from me and just gone with "if you don't want to be with me anymore then thats your decision and that's what we'll do" 
His usual play is to either graciously 'forgive' me a day or so later and then declare 'isnt it lovely now we've resolved all that' or pretend he didnt say it at all.
In related news if he actually keeps to it with my newly increases wage and smaller bills lve found two flats in town that I could rent in the new year that i could manage to rent as a single parent. Tempting....

Kakiste

Feeling very money saving. Its my sister's 30th birthday this coming weekend and ive waited for ages for a HSamuel flash sale and signed up to their newsletter weeks ago to get a 10% off all orders voucher. Just managed to combine both sale and voucher and snag a Radley watch and earrings set (£139) for £40!

Paid for out of the remaining Christmas present budget (only got 2 more presents left to get and i've still got £140 in the budget. Trying to spend as little as possible and transfer all remaining budget to EF after Christmas.)

Sarahwithlove

Whilst I understand the need to pay off the debt as much as possible I can't help wonder whether you need to just make a break and find your own place. It will make things more difficult financially but I wonder what impact staying is having in your and your daughter mentally and emotionally. Is it worth it? 

Kakiste

That's what I'm weighing up at the minute; usually i'd say yes it's worth continuing for another 12-18 months, as everything is usually pretty calm and sustainable but this weekend has been pretty rough. 

There's no real impact on my daughter as he's pretty removed as a parent and i do the vast majority of the parenting stuff so she's used to very short bursts of 'disney dad-ing' for interaction before he gets bored/irritated and wanders off again. None of these arguments or discussions are happening in front of her or in earshot and I'm grey rocking so I don't get upset in front of her so she's pretty oblivious.  

Sarahwithlove

Kakiste said:

That's what I'm weighing up at the minute; usually i'd say yes it's worth continuing for another 12-18 months, as everything is usually pretty calm and sustainable but this weekend has been pretty rough. 

There's no real impact on my daughter as he's pretty removed as a parent and i do the vast majority of the parenting stuff so she's used to very short bursts of 'disney dad-ing' for interaction before he gets bored/irritated and wanders off again. None of these arguments or discussions are happening in front of her or in earshot and I'm grey rocking so I don't get upset in front of her so she's pretty oblivious.  

Maybe after Xmas things might improve as it can be a stressful time of year. 
There will be an underlying tension though and kids pick up on these things even when we try not to show how it effects us. I understand its a tough decision to make and obviously the longer you can cope the better it will be for you financially but like I said before it's also about the emotional/mental impact upon you.
Do you have a deposit saved ready for when you need to move? Might be worth considering doing so you know it's there and that safety net in your mind may be enough to help you keep going as is. 

Kakiste

Ive got £1,500 earmarked from my backpay thats being paid in nine days time and will to go into my 'debt repayment pot' which is supposed to go back to his parents but if we do separate I would use it as a deposit which round here would only need be about £1100 for deposit and first month's rent and then save back up to pay his parents off later next year.

He's particularly bad at the moment as he is expecting a really bad series of events next weekend (cant be more specific i'm afraid) which he is convinced will happen and is tying all his bleak mood to. There is literally no evidence that it will happen and I honestly believe nothing will, so hopefully this time next week he'll have realised he was jumping at nothing and calm down (a lot)

Sarahwithlove

Fingers crossed for you then that his mood improves next week. Will hopefully help calm things down again for you. 

Kakiste

Smashed most of my work to do list today even with a lively chase of 2 students through a field that can best be described as "marshy" mid afternoon and then the subsequent hour + long after school detention with said students. 
Though i took a bit of perverse pleasure in setting the detention length as "for as long as it takes my socks to dry or when i clock off, whichever comes first." (so 4.30pm finish for them today. Funny when school actually finishes at 3.15pm, however I'm reasonably certain they won't try it again tomorrow! 

So i've got folder front sheets to complete for my KS4 English and History students and then a piece of paperwork on one of my form to finish. (And obviously work to mark and file for the next 2 days) But after that I'm done for the term.