It's complicated, but I'm optimistic.

Singlespeeder

A little progress made.
I finally arranged access to some Morrison's shares I had pretty much forgotten about.
I have no affinity for these shares and as they're for a rain day ... if a £40k debt isn't a rainy day, I don't know what is...
I've sold them.
This has cleared my OD, or will do when the money comes through. Starting from zero will be a novelty. I'm usually £1600 in debit.

Singlespeeder

I'm also monitoring my food shopping.... I've been eating vegetarian only since December, it's much cheaper than meat. But I really need to shop more wisely. Buying veg from the market or Aldi would be massively better than the supermarkets.
I spend too much on beer too so I'm monitoring that.
4x Hobgoblins at Aldi ... £5. A bulk buy required

Singlespeeder

Pretty pleased. Saved a chunk of money.
The AA Buildings Insurance I have renewal came through last week.
£300. Seemed high for buildings only.
I gave them a call and they reluctantly dropped it to £262
Been on Meerkat this morning and most quotes came in around £80 A YEAR
How come I'm paying £262.??
Called AA , they couldn't get close (they appeared in the Meerkat list at a £114 !!! ) so I cancelled.
Gone with Swintons at £77 and made a single payment, saving £13, and £27 a month.
And I got Meerkat Cinema and Meals offers !

tealady

This may sound rude so I apologise in advance.
I would suggest you sell the family home, your ex and the kids can go into rental.
Split any profit 50/50.
You should not be keeping 3 adults.
If you want to support the kids you can always give them a hand out occasionally.
That way you and your ex can live independent lives.

Singlespeeder

Singlespeeder wrote: »

A little progress made.
I finally arranged access to some Morrison's shares I had pretty much forgotten about.
I have no affinity for these shares and as they're for a rain day ... if a £40k debt isn't a rainy day, I don't know what is...
I've sold them.
This has cleared my OD, or will do when the money comes through. Starting from zero will be a novelty. I'm usually £1600 in debit.

Overdraft is now cleared :j:j:j
I have a £2000 OD facility which TBH I don't really want... what is a 'sensible' amount to drop it to? £500 ? £200? £0 ? £0 seems a bit risky ...
I'm seriously focused on this whole process now.
I love the idea of "Annuals" pot, the stuff that only comes once a year, car insurance, road fund, AA, Birthdays. These are the things that always batter me throughout the year, especially car insurance ... £450 on the 4th January :eek: I've started physically putting £100 a month away to cover these, it's such an obvious thing to do. That'll give me a fund of £1200 a year to cover these things.
I've also got £140 for April for pretty much every thing, food, beer (Banks's Bitter in Aldi 89p (6 for £5.36)) and going out. £35 a week, £5 a day. In the 5 days since payday (last Friday) I've managed 3x NSD's ..... I'm cooking a 'free' veggie curry in the slow cooker today, just using the stuff I had in the cupboards and will get probably 6 - 8 portions out of that.
My mum and sisters have expressed an interest in me cooking them portioned up veggie meals for £2.50 a portion or so .... might be worth doing, as I could bolster my own freezer and make £30 a week in the process.

It is quite incredible when you REALLY analyse your expenditure. I monitor and log EVERY transaction on my current account. It's highlighted just how much cash I used to take out, and how much I spent on food.
With having the £140 in an envelope, I now don't use my debit card. I try and squeeze NSD's out if I possibly can .... I felt guilty this morning for buying milk for work and yogurt for this weeks breakfast ... a whole £1.65 ... it ruined another No Spend Day :mad::D:D

I'm hoping to start the divorce discussion tonight, hopefully we can do it ourselves for £550, we just need to come to an amicable fiscal arrangement. It'll look really bad for me, I suspect I'll give her the house and take all the debt. There are reasons for this that I don't really want to go in to on here, it sounds grim, but may save me money in the future.

Progress is being made.

EssexHebridean

Some great advice already from tlc above. You MUST get a financial agreement in place - you may well not be obliged to pay as much as you are, but it may well be that paying a little more now will mean that your ex will be refused any claim on your pension, and that is something you DO need to get clarified. I'd suggest against trying to take a DIY option on this with pension funds involved too - if YOU muck it up you have no comeback, and it does sound as though there are complications from what you have said. It would be extremely unusual for one party to take 100% of the financial hit. Suggestion would be before you discuss with her at all, sort yourself a free or fixed fee initial consultation at a solicitors to talk through the situation.

Singlespeeder

Big day for me, I'm moving to Northampton 52 years old and never lived anywhere but Coventry so it's positively momentous for me.

I've also dropped my overdraft availability from £2000 to £1000 with no intention of using it.

Food spending for the month has been superb ..... currently standing at £25.41 including 4 pints of milk for work. I've used a fair bit of stuff out of the freezer and cupboards, but have eaten really well.

Big changes ahead for my financial situation, will take at least 2 months for everything to work through so some turmoil is expected.

Absolutely LOVING sorting myself and my finances out. It's quite exciting living as frugally as possible, though this most likely wouldn't be the case if wasn't optional.

Me and the Ex have started at least talking about the divorce. I honestly think it'll not get too messy, it's in no-ones interest.

Thanks for the ongoing advice folks, it's much appreciated.

pennystretcher

Singlespeeder wrote: »

Overdraft is now cleared :j:j:j
- - -
I'm hoping to start the divorce discussion tonight, hopefully we can do it ourselves for £550, we just need to come to an amicable fiscal arrangement. It'll look really bad for me, I suspect I'll give her the house and take all the debt. There are reasons for this that I don't really want to go in to on here, it sounds grim, but may save me money in the future. - - -

Well done on clearing the OD.


Re divorce - I have no idea what kind of situation you are in if you are planning to give her the house AND take all the debt. I'd seriously consider talking to a solicitor.

Part of the divorce discussions should be your pensions. And why would you give her the house outright? :eek: If you don't have that much mortgage remaining, would there be an option that you keep paying and own half of the house once the mortgage has been paid off - assuming that the mortgage and deeds are in both of your names? (even if she was still living in it you could own it? Worth considering putting a clause in that that would be ok as long as one of the kids lives with her?)

Exodi

I can't think of a better way to say it: you're absolutely bonkers, and I don't mean that humorously, you genuinely need your head checked.

You're paying the mortgage for 3 adults, despite not living at the house (whilst the ex is getting rent off one of them), have taken all the debt, and are considering giving her the house outright????!!!!

Absolute madness. I bet her friends absolutely roar with laughter every time she tells them you're still paying for everything.

I hope (for my sanity) you cheated with one of her relatives or committed some serious infidelity to warrant your subsequent actions.

Outline that you want to split everything 50/50 - the house, debts, assets, cash and pension. With the kids now adults and with her working, there's no reason if this went to court that this kind of settlement would be deviated from?

Singlespeeder

Thank you for your candidness !
No, I didn't cheat with one of her relatives

Sometimes fiscal situations are not as obvious as they look.
The house is only actually worth anything if we intend to sell it.
It's home to my ex, and our children, albeit recently grown up.
It was always our intention for the house to be passed to them upon our demise.
I do have an interest in several other properties, and also stand to inherit a reasonably significant legacy in due course. So it may be prudent to be generous and take a hit now, and not have to divvy stuff up later.
Even the ex has suggested we re evaluate if and when she meets someone else.

I don't feel particularly hard done by. I may need my head looking at but it doesn't feel like that at the moment.