Advice for dad bailing daughter out

Gettingtherequickly

Writing on behalf of someone I know.

His daughter has got herself into a debt cycle which she can't get out of. He previously bailed her out last spring and warned her not to get into debt again (he hates owing money), she is coming up to 21 so immaturity is the cause of it primarily, however although she is working, she has very little priority expenditure, which means that she has generally selfish expenditure.

Anyway, he told her that she would have to get a loan, not the best idea I know, but he feels that she would have a greater fear of the bank than him and may take responsibility for her actions as a result. They bank at the same branch and, although she is unaware, he is prepared to act as guarantor which he has told the manager. However, as the amount is "only" £3k, the bank have said guarantor is unlikely to be required. Consequently, her credit history would probably either result in refusal or very poor interest rate.

Which means that he will (and is resigned to) have to bail her out again.

What would you advise he say to her? I was thinking along the following:

1. As a high rate tax payer, that £3k has already had cost him £2k, as to be able to give her £3k, he was paid £5k (I am rounding figures, but she needs to know these things).

2. Any cards are to be cut up.

3. If she is not repaying him, not to even think of a 21st birthday present.

She is not his wife's daughter, so he knows he can speak to me openly but at the same time, anything I say is with emotional detachment, which I know is easy for me to say, but he needs to over-ride his parental guilt, which he hopefully he will have no problem about doing this time.

Any thoughts on what else he could say? He is desperate for her to take a more mature attitude and budget sensibly, but at the same time, she is an adult.

BoGoF

Have to say after her not learning her lesson first time my advice would be leave her to it otherwise she won't learn.

Gettingtherequickly

BoGoF wrote: »

Have to say after her not learning her lesson first time my advice would be leave her to it otherwise she won't learn.

Mine too! But she would probably keep asking him for money:(

elsien

He really doesn't have to bail her out if the bank say no. If he does so, she will carry on racking up debt and in 12 months time she'll be back again for more.

She has the options of changing her spending habits, selling things, getting a second job, looking at debt management options/speaking to stepchange etc. Same as the rest of us, really.

He's given her one chance and it hasn't worked. Chucking money at it again will do her no favours at all. The responsible option would be to sit down with her, do an SOA and sort out a sensible budget and repayment plan. Anything else will be enabling her and money down the drain.

Gettingtherequickly

elsien wrote: »

She has the options of changing her spending habits, selling things, getting a second job, looking at debt management options/speaking to stepchange etc. Same as the rest of us, really.

How daft am I, didn't even think of a DMP:o

tallyhoh

I say leave her to it. My partners mum used to bail him out 50 years ago & so he never learned the hard way when he was young, he's still as bad with money

DCFC79

I also agree he shouldnt bail her out and let her deal with the aftermath of her actions.

robpw2

My advise would be DON'T ..

she needs to learn to deal with this herself

Ms_Chocaholic

How many times will he have to bail her out before she learns, if he does it this time, it's bound to happen again. She's not learned from last time, this time isn't going to make a blind bit of difference either.

gilly1964

Many moons ago, my Dad bailed me out with the warning that if I got into trouble again as an adult I was on my own

Roll on another year and my car was knackered, needed a new engine which I got replaced with the use of a bank loan but now I had a car to run, a bank loan to pay back, rent to pay to dad and nothing left for socialising as a single 21 year old.

I sold the car and got back on the bus to get to work, 15 minutes to get to work in the car, 90 minutes on the bus. I made lunches instead of buying them. I went clubbing just one night a week, instead of three.

It was hard, but I got there. Your friends daughter will too

immoral_angeluk

The only way she is going to learn is the hard way. Bailing her out is just compounding the problem because she's not learning the consequence of her actions.