LonelyRat's (not so lonely) Road to Riches

lonelyrat

Thanks Scott, think I'll get some as both aldees have let me down in the sock department unfortunately.

Had a pretty un-satisfying experience with the GP the other day and have been feeling a bit lost/ rubbish/ twisty since. You have to have a telephone consultation before you can have an appointment and I really struggle making phone calls (not sure why, but it gives me the fear - my heart starts racing and I get all sweaty and sick and usually hang up a few times before actually making the call I need to).

After a couple of days of putting it off I got it together to phone and it was all just a bit of a mess. The doctor I spoke to asked what I needed and I said "an appointment to discuss my mental health, I was put on such and such about a month and a half ago and think I need to talk through how it's going and get another prescription". So then she asked me how I was feeling and I said "OK, not good, but not as bad as I was so that's a step in the right direction I suppose" Then there was just an awful, long silence. Then she asked what I meant and I sort of stumbled through trying to explain the mess that is in my head and then she just interrupted me and said "I don't know what you mean". I apologised then she booked me an appointment.

The actual appointment yesterday was more of the same. Was only actually in with the GP for 5 minutes... Told him I was feeling OK, but still having some really quite bad thoughts and struggling with motivation and he said "ah, well as long as you're doing a bit better". He then asked if I wanted signed off and prescribed me two months of meds and told me to come back then. I tried to ask for advice about how to get into CBT as all I could find was a phone consultation thing and I explained I struggle on the phone. Then he told me to call them to see what they suggest (on the phone).

Was underwhelming to say the least. I don't know what I expected exactly but I thought there would be more discussion about how I was being affected by the meds, side effects etc.

They are very busy though and my problems are so insignificant. I always feel like I'm wasting everyone's time when I go to the doctor. Other people have it so much worse than me and so I feel a bit guilty and yesterday just really felt like I was a waste of time/ space.

Feeling crap right now, but need to try and stay positive as I can feel myself sinking into a dark place. I need to try and remember that I am feeling a bit better than I was, which is really important and I will manage to sort out some CBT when I can get the energy together to try.

lonelyrat

Sorry guys - that was a very whingey post and not a single mention of actual MSE stuff.

Positives:
1. I am still sober (over 3 months now)
2. 4 shifts to go until my time off / Arran (also somehow with my annual leave and the BH at the end of the month I'm barely working next month)
3. OH lovely and supportive and looking for jobs which is good
4. OH parents also lovely and supportive and both of them are out of the hospital and doing fine
5. Money for OH and I is OK and my debt will be gone soon. Then we will sort his.
6. I have a day off tomorrow and I will spend it pottering around organising/ cleaning
7. I weighed myself today and lost half a kilo
8. I no longer have spotty skin (think it was the alcohol making me spotty)
9. My dad is planning on going travelling next year and has asked OH and I to consider moving down to England to look after the house. A change of scenery will be nice and exciting.
10. My mental health is in an OK place. Even if I feel crummy now, it will get better.

Silver_Queen

Hi lovely. What an awful experience. I'm sorry that they were dismissive of you. I want you to know that you're NOT just whinging for no reason, your feelings and mental health are NOT insignificant or trifling and it DOES matter. At the end of the day, the NHS is there to support us and help us for ANY health concerns and mental health is just as important as physical health. You do not under any circumstance need to feel guilty or like you're wasting people's time because you're not and at the end of the day they're there to give support and advice on their patients health which INCLUDES mental health. Do not let them make you feel like you're wasting time because you're not. You have to look after yourself.

I completely, completely and utterly understand where you're coming from though. I confess I still haven't approached my GP about this and I'm too scared to. You've already shown that you're stronger and braver than many and certainly myself by approaching them about this sort of thing to begin with. It isn't easy so I commend you. It really is a vicious cycle - too anxious and embarrassed to approach them, so you can't get help to feel less anxious so you can't approach people etc etc.... you've broken the cycle by speaking to them in the first place.

Does your work offer counselling services? Most larger companies will and it'll be easier than getting it on NHS. I managed to have one session of CBT through my uni three years ago and was told the NHS waitlist was over two years long in my area.

Toni'sfriend

I can only agree with everything Silver Queen has said. The doctors may be very busy but that is no excuse for making you feel that you're wasting their time and quite frankly suggesting that you phone when you struggle with that is insensitive in the extreme. is there anyone who could phone on your behalf and explain that you have a problem using the phone and see if there is another way you can get the therapy?

lonelyrat

Thank Silver Queen, as always your posts lift me up.

You are right (as usual) about how important mental health it is. I do think I have a stigma in my head about it all which makes it so damn difficult to talk about... Not in relation to other people, but just myself... I worry that others will judge me which makes me insecure, which in turn fuels my anxiety, which in turn makes me even more muddled than I was. The vicious cycle is real

I will chalk it down to a bad experience and (in two months when I need to go back) I will prepare myself for it better. I think perhaps if I write notes of everything I want to discuss/ cover, then I can't be dismissed so easily because I can check them off as I go through.

Please don't let my poor experience stop you from approaching your GP if you need to. I'm sure what happened when I went isn't reflective of the majority of GP's and don't think it would be repeated if you were to seek help/ support.

We have an employee support program where you can get one free telephone counselling session... It's something Ive looked at before but never taken up. I think what I'll start with is calling the NHS one and I'll see how I get on there. Again, if I make some notes it may be easier. I aim to have got the ball rolling by the end of August. If I give myself a time constraint I'm more likely to manage it I think.

Toni's Friend thank you as well for your supportive post. If I can't manage to get the gumption to phone them I could ask my OH to give them a call for me just to get some info and see if there is other options. I will try and be brave and do it myself though.... But he can be there as a fall back I suppose.

[Deleted User]

You can do it lonelyrat xx

doingitanyway

Ditto Silverqueen.
Busy or not I don't think there is any excuse for treating patients poorly. I am sorry you had this experience.

You are doing well to keep up exercise, reduce debt and stop drinking.

I hope the house sitting for your father works out. Sounds like a lovely opportunity.

Take care

Scott-Weiland

Unless you get lucky with a decent GP a lot when dealing with mental health are hopeless i feel for you but do not be disheartened. Most gps go straight for the ticky box questions you know the ones i take it

ie are you suicidal
is it affecting your sleep
is it affecting you diet
is your appetite knackered
do you wanna self harm etc etc

then after this its right i dont wanna know lets prescribe them an antidepressant.

I have type 2 bipolar, it took me 5-6 years to get that diagnosis after months of cycling on antidepressants that worked for abit then didnt. My advice chat with your works occupational health and get advice from them, my work uses AXA and they were the polar opposite to my gp.


You are doing the right thing your exercising more than me lol the walking will help a lot.

lonelyrat

Thanks doingitanyway. I hope the house sitting works out too. A change would be nice although I would miss OH's parents and the dog being around

Scott-Weiland my GP didn't even ask any of those questions at either of my appointments. It was "so what's wrong today?" followed closely by "do you want time off work?"/ "here's a prescription".

It is fine... I just need to go into it more prepared I think which I will be next time. I will bullet point everything I want to cover and go in with my notepad. If he thinks I'm a weirdo then he thinks I'm a weirdo (I say this now but in two months I'm sure it'll just be the same again).

I am feeling a bit more positive now. I downloaded a CBT book onto my Kindle and am going to read what when we are in Arran and we'll see how I get on with that. Not sure who our occupational health is! I didn't actually know we had any... I will maybe see if I can find any info.

The walking does help definitely! I think maybe why I was struggling so much last week was because I had been feeling sick and hadn't been out walking....

Today we are off to Edinburgh. I want to go to Decathlon which is on the way there and then we're going to go up Arthurs Seat as we've never been before I'm now patiently waiting for it to be 9 o clock and I'm allowed to wake up OH and get going :rotfl:

lonelyrat

Oh I forgot - I got the letter from Easyjet (finally). They've sent me the wrong thing :rotfl: Need to gear myself up to contact them again. We're now 5 months from when my flight was cancelled ....