Can't sleep...

argent3000

Hello all..brace yourselves for a long post...

I have been sat here, despite having just spent a lovely weekend with my OH, crying over something which has consumed me with incredible guilt and shame.

I am, despite (that word again) having no dependants and being gainfully employed for all my adult life, 4K in debt.

Now I am very fortunate that I have been able to switch this debt onto a fixed low interest rate offered to me by the bank due to (again I am fortunate) my good credit rating and am paying off a fair whack every month. I did pull myself out of this cycle once but then I fell back in again. I feel so stupid for not keeping my eye on the ball and I'm sure some just see me as another one of those 'silly girls with a credit card.' My OH has never lived independently and seems to have far more disposable income. We do go on holidays and as I don't want to feel a burden, I more than pay my way. However, I have spoken about this with him and he said he feels bad and has offered to cover me for our next holiday/do staycations instead but the former doesn't do anything to help me feel less of a burden. I feel that this is how some of the debt was generated.

The summer holidays have been expensive so far for various reasons but I have managed to get extra money through tutoring. I am renting in London with plenty of outgoings and I know I should draw up a budget as the rough calculations in my head clearly don't work! I had little money at university despite part-time work (as did most people) but had affluent friends who now have brilliant careers and felt that I have spent the last ten years 'keeping up with the Joneses.' I am sure my friends love me for who I am but can't help but feel a bit of disappointment from their direction when I say that NO I cannot go on a holiday to the US or this or that or the other.

I know I am privileged compared to some people here. However, I have taken such great comfort in the fact that I am not alone. I am a new teacher and although I am still paid over the summer, I wanted to get a full time job over the holidays to finally wave goodbye to the debt once and for all. My mum said I was mental and asked did I really need the money, to which of course I said no, as I absolutely cannot tell her about my situation (we do share more or less everything) as the shame and the embarrassment is eating me up inside, and besides, the debt is mine, not hers. My parents would be so angry with me, as although they are doing well, they have had to bail my sister out for a similar reason.

I worry so much for the following reasons:
A) my OH wants to move in together in the next year or so which means getting a mortgage - can I still carry CC debt then?
I do not want my parents finding out but not sure how long I can hide it from them
C) my contract next year is for one year atm but headteacher said could be made permanent, although if push came to shove I probably would be able to find work fairly quickly as I get contacted by agencies a lot as I teach a shortage subject. Just worried that I might not find work quickly enough.

Possible solutions:
A) 1/1.5K could be cleared straight away which means 0 savings - but I would rather wait until next payslip arrives to be sure
I have stocks in USD which would more or less cover it but selling process is complicated and some of the profits would be wiped out by tax - anyone an expert here?
C) Up my payments - I could probably afford 250 maybe 300pcm but worried about job security
D) My mum technically owes me 1.5K, she has asked me if I wanted it before if she ever mentions it but due to my secrecy I just tell her to save it for a rainy day....as this at least some savings, I don't think I have the courage to ask for it, she will start digging!

Realistically, what it boils down to is me spending less and saving more - I know that. What I do need is encouragement and support, as I don't feel I can tell anyone as I am so embarrassed and ashamed. Any help/words of encouragement would be appreciated greatly. Thanks.

Happierdays

Hello and welcome!
Just to say no embarrassment, shame or judgement here... but you will find lots support and encouragement so watch this space and there will be others along who I'm sure can advise better than I can (eg I dont know a thing about stocks!)
I found that starting a spending diary was one of the things that helped me a great deal...and when I sat down with hubby and did a realistic budget things really started to change. Reading other people's inspiring stories and journeys on here has been one of the biggest helps.
Well done for taking the first step and hope you got some sleep x

Shashy

I don't mean to sound like I'm disregarding your feelings or concern about the situation (and I actually mean this as a help rather than a criticism), but your situation is absolutely nothing to worry about.

There are some posters on this forum in debt that amounts to many multiples of their earnings, with no savings and certainly no money due from mother.

If I've understood this correctly; you've got £4k of debt but an immediate ability to access £3k of cash from savings/mum. You also state it would be possible to pay £300pcm towards it. You could have it paid off in 3.5 months.

The real issue here may be one that says you don't yet have the ability to manage your money and budget properly; meaning you'd be back in debt a few months after paying it off. If that's the case, there are many people on here who are skilled at ripping apart SOAs for you

bexster1975

Hello argent

How long is the money on 0% for? If you can pay £300 a month on £4000 it will only take a little over 12 months to clear your debt.

There is no reason to feel embarrassed or ashamed, if you've read this board in particular you will know you are in good company. If it were me, I'd be tempted to ask mum about the 1.5k when I next wanted to go on holiday with OH. If she asks anything then, you can truthfully say it's for your holiday, rather than using emergency savings. If the debt is all 0% there is no reason to use your own emergency fund to pay the debt down.

In terms of looking at not letting this happen again, it could well be worth keeping a spending diary for a month to see if you " waste" money and what on. You have my sympathy as a fellow teacher - I would not want to be a newly qualified living in London as the weighting for being in London is woefully inadequate. I wouldn't consider paying to live in London on a teachers salary ( and I haven't been newly qualified for quite a few years so I earn fairly well!)

If you don't want to tell anyone about your problems, that is your business.

Your concerns:

You can carry CC debt, it can impact what you can borrow but at £300 per month I doubt it will have significant impact. Let's face it, if you wait 12 months you will owe less than £1000 on the debt.

I don't know what your subject is - so many are now shortage - but I really don't think getting work will be a problem. You also have the advantage as a newbie of being cheap
Could you look to move out of London? I ask due to cost of living there.
You should also know 12 month contracts are now commonplace in teaching when you start. All part of the joys of academies. I was in a new job this year and the first 12 months are probationary meaning they can let me go with 4 weeks notice.

I wish you lots of luck. For what it's worth, I spend an amount of the summer hols learning things I want to be able to do, often relatively cheaply ( or free!) could make the rest of the summer a bit more affordable. I think you could spend a few hours on a statement of affairs and getting that spending diary sorted so you feel more in control. It feels to me that this is a part of the problem.

Very good luck. Don't let it cost you sleep at 2 a.m in the summer holidays.

Bexster

jackieblack

I'm no expert, but selling your USD stocks would give you more in £ while the exchange rate is at it's current level than they will do when the rate comes back to a more 'normal' level.

MrsSave

As others have said, don't worry!! If you really knuckle down you can get this paid off quickly.

With regards to a mortgage, we got our mortgage 5 years ago and had about £4-5k on a cc. As we could easily afford repayments on our wages on top of the mortgage, bills, spending money, etc. it didn't affect our chances.

Though, saying that, I bet it would be nice to start living together with a clean slate.

It does seem like you are struggling to budget, though. Fill in an soa on here (sticky at the top), or have a look at YNAB. Many people use YNAB on here and find it great. It has a 34 day free trial for new users.

If you're not wanting to tell your mum, how about asking her for the money by saying you want to put it into a help to buy isa or something similar?

I would definitely fill in an soa to make sure that you don't increase your debt.

Don't worry! It will get sorted soon enough if you really want it to be sorted. Oh, and save for your holidays before they're booked. Be honest with your oh.

[Deleted User]

op - I would find it difficult to imagine that there would be ANY tax in selling £4k worth of foreign shares. Can you provide us with further details, cost, current value etc?

sourcrates

Hi,

You technically dont have any debt, as your assets will cover the majority, if not all of what you owe.

I dont think its really the actual debt that bothers you, its the fact you need help with your budgeting skills for the future, that i think is the real issue here.

Your job, at some point, will involve promotion, normally the higher the salary, the bigger the debt grows, you need to keep it in check before it gets out of hand.

Karonher

Could you ask for the money your mum owes when looking at moving in with your partner?

It would be easy for her to believe you needed it for fees or whatever.