First interview in two years following redundancy. Don't feel right for it.

abernathy

Wall of text warning.

I have been unemployed for nearly two years following being made redundant in early 2015. I haven't worked since - initially this was due to taking several months break to reassess my options, but due to other personal circumstances I fell into a period of heavy drinking and depression. I gained a lot of weight - over three stone. I've lived off savings primarily, and the last few months was signing on for Universal Credit (JSA). I'm 32 now.

Pretty much been a hermit for the last couple of years. Distanced myself from friends and family, no exercise, didn't take care of myself, poor hygiene etc.

I had been working on behalf of a local council investigating housing fraud and a few other bits for nearly a decade - started when I was 20, stayed in the same company the entire time. I was happy with how I had progressed as I only had a few GCSEs on leaving school.

I have my first interview on Friday in nearly 12 years. The job is vaguely linked to what I used to do but involes a LOT more responsibility.

I am extremely anxious. In all honesty, I don't feel "myself" and although my drinking problem is resolved, I feel far more anxious in general, my confidence is shot, and my biggest problem (for me) is that I am still overweight - I am very self conscious now. I have struggled to even keep on top of basic hygiene - something I wouldn't even have thought twice about before this all happened.

I am really considering not going to the interview.

I used to be the opposite - confident, healthy, fit, full of energy and enthusiasm. That was only a couple of years ago.

To be completely frank, I don't feel ready to go into employment again, but I need to for obvious reasons such as a lack of finances. I don't have anyone to support/dependants - but also realise that at 32, I need to get my life back on track as I'm back financially to where I was a decade ago. I have nothing now.

I am also really concerned that I "don't have it in me" anymore. It's been nearly two years since I last worked, my people skills are really limited now (I don't have many friends anyway) and I'm lacking recent experience of dealing with people professionally. I feel I have lost all of my people skills, confidence/social skills.

I've forgotten a lot of what was so natural to me - and the type of work I was involved in isn't something I can just pick up a book and re-learn. I feel like I'm starting again, and even if my C.V suggests I have years of experience in fraud investigation, the reality is I don't feel useful or that I would be of any benefit. Processes/procedures/policies/legislation have all changed. I'm worried I'll get found out quickly.

I want to work in a professional environment and build my career again, but feel so shot down and deflated that I feel like a nervous teenager who has never worked or had an interview. I want/need/know that I need to get a move on as at 32, I should be an "adult" now and be reasonably settled financially or in a relationship.

Just don't know what I should do. I haven't even bought a suit yet. My heart really isn't in this, but I need to work and I don't want to be in an unskilled minimum wage job. The interview I have on Friday is for "my" field of employment, but it feels anything but.


Summary:

• Unemployed for 2 years after redundancy
• Interview for similar, but higher level job on Friday
• Considering cancelling it
• I'm overweight, low in confidence, lacking people skills
• Extremely lacking socially
• Feel I'm out of touch with my job - forgotten it.
• Want/need to work to get back on the career ladder and for financial reasons
• Lacking any energy or drive to do anything about the reasons I am depressed/overweight/anxious

Any constructive comments/advice would be very welcome.

Torry_Quine

I can totally understand that you feel out of your depth but I would encourage you to go. If nothing else it will give you interview experience.

Also as you're on UC there is the possibility of sanction if you don't go.

Savvy_Sue

I can quite understand where you are coming from, but don't underestimate how hard it can be just to get an interview these days, so start by giving yourself a pat on the back for that. Seriously.

Moving on. You can see a lot of reasons NOT to go to the interview. None of them are GOOD reasons, however. If cancelling it would make you feel better about your weight, confidence, people skills, energy or drive then maybe, but actually - and you know this already - you'll just have another reason to beat yourself up.

So, go to the interview.

And you need a suit. Do you have a JobSearch advisor on Universal Credit? Are there any schemes for helping you get interview clothes? If not, head round the local charity shops - and try talking to the staff and volunteers. If you can't see a suit in your size, ask if they might have anything out the back. Try it on, ask if they think it looks OK. Too big? Ask if they know anyone locally who does alterations and repairs.

Failing a suit, you will almost certainly be able to get a large size smart shirt, and an astonishing range of ties. Again, ask people what they think - "I'm not sure about this bright green one for an interview with this flowery purple shirt, what do you think?"

And then, be reasonably honest at the interview. Not as honest as "I don't really know why I turned up, I'm sure you're not going to want me and I'd be hopeless at the job anyway, I am useless", more along the lines of "I'm concerned that I'm going to need some training to get up to speed on the latest legislation, I know things have changed since I last worked in this field, please can you tell me what would be available?"

Finally, I know you say you've distanced yourself from family and friends, but unless there are compelling reasons for keeping things this way, why not get back in touch, especially if they're local? If it was mostly "I can't be bothered, they won't want to know me anyway, I've let them all down" then an apology and a reaching out might be just the job. Obviously if the 'other personal circumstances' included your best friend sleeping with your mother or anything like that I can fully understand it, but you see where I'm coming from?

And now, GO TO BED!

abernathy

Torry Quine - Yes I've been told previously that I could be sanctioned for not attending any interview, but I will deal with that when the time comes if so.

Savvy_Sue - thank you for your reply. I will be off to bed soon don't worry!

The "other personal circumstances" was three family bereavements in the space of a few months as well as my dog passing away - all of that combined with a lack of "life direction" was all just poor timing for me and led me onto a slipery path. I'm over the alcohol issue, but still suffering from the consequences of it as well as 18 months of a poor diet, lack of exercise and social exclusion.

I'm sorted financially for clothing for the interview, that's not a problem, but was kindly offered the same help you suggested by my "work coach" at the Jobcentre - however aside from that I have found they are more interested in getting me off their case load than genuinely supporting my search for work. I had a meeting with a careers advisor from the National Careers Service and found that absolutely useless, more suitable to a schoo leaver than someone made redundant following a decade of work in a niche area.

I'm going to sleep on it.

I know it's easy for people to suggest just going to the interview, but for someone like myself it is a real minefield.

Not only am I not confident in my knowledge (due to not having worked in that role for two years), I'm more concerned about my ability to interact professionally with people, especially in an interview environment.

All of my confidence is completely gone, I feel extremely self conscious and can probably count on both hands the amount of different people I've actually had more than a 10 second conversation/exchange with over the past 2 years - I've excluded myself that much from society.

I know this would be a good opportunity for me in terms of getting back into my type of work, and pay is fairly good, it would get me "back out there" interacting with people and keeping busy - but on the other hand I feel like I haven't prepared enough, I haven't taken care of myself enough, that it's too soon, and that perhaps "that ship has sailed" in terms of that career - and that maybe I should be looking at a completely new career and re-training in something else. In fact, that appeals to me.

Thank you for the time you have taken to write your reply. Time for bed.

FredG

It's easy to fall in to a trap of feeling a lack of self esteem after what you've been through, many would have given up entirely.


You come across as intelligent, articulate and concise. If you can verbalise that you won't be unemployed long. Best of luck.

bugslet

FredG wrote: »

You come across as intelligent, articulate and concise..

Just wanted to second that ^^^

Great advice from savvy sue as well.

I just wanted to add that your interviewer might be like me, a fat bird:o, so the last thing I would do is judge on weight. We all go through bad times in our lives, your interviewer unless they are very young or very lucky, will have as well.

It may not seem obvious, case of not seeing the wood for the trees, but you are on an upward trajectory, keeping taking the steps to get you back to being the person you were. They are still there, just fighting to get out.

Please get in contact with at least one of your old friends, I'm sure they would love to hear from you, just meet for a coffee, nothing major to start with.

Good luck at the interview.

elsien

You are not committing yourself to anything by attending the interview. If you get there and decide the job isn't for you, you are not obliged to accept it.
And I agree with the other person who said you clearly have enough going for you to get the interview in the first place, so give yourself a bit of credit where it's due. They can tell from your CV you've had 2 years out but are still interested, so you can't be as out of date as you are telling yourself. The
Worst case scenario is you don't get the job but you're a little more in the swing of interview technique.
But whatever you decide, you know now that you can't carry on isolating yourself as you have been - the same issues will be there in your head whether you go for this job or a new career entirely. Retraining won't solve your self esteem issues.
So I think you also need to plan to build up your interactions and confidence outside of work. Have you seen your GP, is there any counselling available in your area? Can you re-engage with friends and family, start having short chats with the neighbour's etc?
And consider voluntary work as well - people knock it but it's not all charity shops and helped me get a job following redundancy and a career change.
Good luck.

Enterprise_1701C

You got the interview on merit, assuming you filled in the form honestly and applied honestly, and it sounds like you did.

Of course you have it in you, you just might have to dig down a bit deeper.

You seem to be concerned that the way you look will be a disadvantage. Put on a suit and remember, this is the first time they have met you and first impressions count. They did not see you in your hey day and will not know that you were previously slimmer etc, they will see you as you are now.

If for nothing else it is worth going to the interview for practice, you will obviously be going for more if this one does not succeed.

[Deleted User]

abernathy wrote: »

I have been unemployed for nearly two years following being made redundant in early 2015. I haven't worked since - initially this was due to taking several months break to reassess my options, but

I am really considering not going to the interview.

I want to work in a professional environment and build my career again, but feel so shot down and deflated that I feel like a nervous teenager who has never worked or had an interview. I want/need/know that I need to get a move on as at 32, I should be an "adult" now and be reasonably settled financially or in a relationship.

Just don't know what I should do. I haven't even bought a suit yet. My heart really isn't in this, but I need to work and I don't want to be in an unskilled minimum wage job. The interview I have on Friday is for "my" field of employment, but it feels anything but.


Summary:

• Unemployed for 2 years after redundancy
• Interview for similar, but higher level job on Friday
• Considering cancelling it
• I'm overweight, low in confidence, lacking people skills
• Extremely lacking socially
• Feel I'm out of touch with my job - forgotten it.
• Want/need to work to get back on the career ladder and for financial reasons
• Lacking any energy or drive to do anything about the reasons I am depressed/overweight/anxious

Any constructive comments/advice would be very welcome.

Don't go to the interview and be one step closer to the unskilled minimum wage job you don't want??

A relationship isn't definition that a person is perfect.

Sorry to be hard - See a Doctor.

lincroft1710

This is so simple it is a no-brainer.

Go to the interview!

Turn this one down and you'll find more excuses not to attend the next one.

The experience of going will be positive, even if you don't get the job, even if you think you performed badly, because you can learn from your mistakes and more importantly you will have been to an interview, you will have achieved something.

Walk into the interview room in a positive manner, head up, smile, give a firm handshake. Sit up straight, speak clearly and concisely.

If you meet other candidates in the waiting room and you are overawed by them, just imagine them sitting on the toilet, you'll soon see them in a new light!

Finally, remember, if you don't go, you'll regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but some time in the future you'll regret not possibly taking the first step on your way to re-employment.

jobbingmusician

I love, love love Savvy's post. Savvy - is your charity concerned with employment? Because there are so many people, not just the OP, who lose their confidence. You DO deserve a great laurel for getting shortlisted. Just go and enjoy meeting the people and finding out more about the new job, without any thoughts of getting it. Then go home and celebrate having heard about new developments in the field (and personally, I wouldn't be at all surprised if the phone DID ring with good news....)