I'm finally debt-free! Husband isn't. Now what?

Smodlet

Hi and thank you. I was concerned you might think I was implying something about your relationship when that was not my intention at all, but you have read my post exactly as I did intend it, so thank you.

NatWest online chat. You are the customer. Just tell 'em you don't want their !!!! and, if you get any more, you will raise a complaint. They don't like complaints.

[Deleted User]

Smodlet wrote: »

Hi and thank you. I was concerned you might think I was implying something about your relationship when that was not my intention at all, but you have read my post exactly as I did intend it, so thank you.

NatWest online chat. You are the customer. Just tell 'em you don't want their !!!! and, if you get any more, you will raise a complaint. They don't like complaints.

No, I got it , I'm just tired with everything but need to focus on me a bit too, and appreciated the sympathetic, empathetic and positive post you put so nicely
Yup, I must have read your mind, I am currently in the Natwest online chat queue, to request that they shove their adverts and marketing... somewhere else...!

DawnW

Can't offer anything except sympathy on the husband front I am afraid, but as for Natwest, why not just dump them? Several banks are/ were offering cash incentives to new customers - why not check them out? I have an account with First Direct, having signed up with them a couple of years ago and receiving £100 for doing so. Not sure if this is still the case, but the info is bound to be on the main MSE site. Their customer service is great, and they have a regular savings account paying an attractive rate. They do email with offers occasionally, but these are easy to ignore! There are plenty of banks, so if one annoys you, just switch to another

Gazzafatcityboy

Okay by the sounds of things it seems reasonably under control.

Just be weary about his spending. 500 is still quite a lot I know but from a gambling perspective let me just give you some basic facts.

• Most machines are jackpots of £70, it is hard to win this jackpot and the main problem would be if he puts in say £100 into the machine and then chases the money since he believes that he has invested enough already. He is scared once he gets off the machine the next person puts in 1 quid and they win the jackpot.
• The winnings aren’t linked to any type of skill. The skill in playing the machine is realising when to take the winnings. Lets say for example the machine has programmed to only pay out £3 for the next ten games then on the 11th £30. You could play 10 games and make sure you withdraw £3 a time then on the 11th win or you could lose every time and win on the 11th.
• You can be guaranteed the jackpot when you put in around about 6 times the jackpot stake.
• The lights and features on the machine are designed in a way to keep the highest attention span.

I think for him once he gets his debts down then £5 quid here or there is perfectly fine but just make sure it doesn’t move into casino/poker.

Gaz

[Deleted User]

Thanks Gaz, that is reassuring to know, and yes I do think he panics when he has put so much in and then has to leave it to someone else because he's ran out of money.

He always says he knows wen it's 'paying' because he can tell when the money is dropping to the bottom(!?!) I mean, surely if it was that easy then everyone would win and only play when they hear that noise, and yes I think he just likes the pretty lights lol!
He used to play poker online and bet on horses, but only a fiver or so at a time, and not recently, because he says he finds playing poker boring (and because he doesn't have any available funds to be able to play).

My worry is that he's only putting that amount of money in because that's all that he has available? If he had more then I am sure there would have been nights when he would have come home and spent even more. And if he had money to play with online, I don't think it would be long before he would be adding 'just another tenner' to play with.
Where does this stop? We have 3 kiddies and he has spent his minimum debt repayment monies before, so I have had to bail him out. I have to pay the rent, council tax, food etc. Yes, I am now sorted financially myself, and can feed my kids, but his gambling may become even more of a problem and his financial mess doesn't seem fair to share!

Mojisola

purpleposting4 wrote: »

So what's the problem? Well, my husband is! I may now be debt-free, but he isn't :mad:

We have our own accounts and we have split the monies so that I pay for everything (household, food, rent etc and my now-cleared debts) out of my TC and CB monies, and he pays for his debts and bills (1 loan, 2 credit cards, 1 store card, 1 mobile contract, sky bill, car insurance and tax) and his spending money out of his wages.

My husband has only paid the minimum on his debts, used his monies to go out every week, drinking, playing on the fruities, withdrawing cash on his credit cards to play the fruities (!!!) and still has £6000 in debt.

What on earth do I do?

Start making him pay for half the living expenses! If he has enough money to waste on gambling, he has enough to pay his share of the food he's eating, the electricity he's using, the rent on the home he lives in and so on.

He's taking you for a fool - I couldn't live with someone who had so little respect for me that he was able to waste his money while watching me spend all mine on paying the bills.

indesisiv

Mojisola wrote: »

Start making him pay for half the living expenses! If he has enough money to waste on gambling, he has enough to pay his share of the food he's eating, the electricity he's using, the rent on the home he lives in and so on.

He's taking you for a fool - I couldn't live with someone who had so little respect for me that he was able to waste his money while watching me spend all mine on paying the bills.

This is similar to what I was going to say.

At the very least can he pay half and you put it into a savings account then you could actually save enough to pay his debts off in one lump sum with his own money effectively.

Did you cut up his credit card? If not, make sure you do.

Jolinar

Similar issue with mine, minus the gambling bit. I've even helped him to sort out his debts in the past, he's had CCJ's and been on a DMP and for awhile it was OK but now he's run up a load more debt, so it's for him to deal with and learn from now.

We split everything down the middle, once the bills are paid and the central saving pot is serviced we each have our own money to with as we wish. We're not financially linked as he's a liability, mortgage is in my name only.

Good luck, it's not easy dealing with a spouse who has not had their LBM!

[Deleted User]

Mojisola wrote: »

Start making him pay for half the living expenses! If he has enough money to waste on gambling, he has enough to pay his share of the food he's eating, the electricity he's using, the rent on the home he lives in and so on.

He's taking you for a fool - I couldn't live with someone who had so little respect for me that he was able to waste his money while watching me spend all mine on paying the bills.

I know what you mean, but as I am a full-time mum with medical needs, we have split the money like this:

His wages £800ish (max per month, not great job) pay his monthly sky bill £30, his car tax £20, car insurance £45, mobile £35, Loan £115, store card £30, credit card £25min, credit card £50min, overdraft £10 interest only. These are minimum amounts and wouldn't clear the debts, so he's then got approx £400 to clear the debts down and spend his money on himself. Of which he spends all of that money on himself.

I receive approx £1000 per month in benefits (TC, CB etc) and pay £12 tv licence, £50 gas/elec, £26 water, £30 kids pocket money, £17.70 phone and bb, £95 council tax and £210 rent (council rent, partly helped), £300 groceries etc. This leaves me with about £250, which was for my debts until now, but now is for my mobile top up (hardly ever), money to save for xmas, to save for a small uk break or clothes if me or the kiddies need them. I can't remember the last time I bought clothes or went out, I usually just go round to my mates for a cuppa or we take the kids to the park.

Actually just writing that down makes me think that I'm drawing the short straw...

[Deleted User]

indesisiv wrote: »

This is similar to what I was going to say.

At the very least can he pay half and you put it into a savings account then you could actually save enough to pay his debts off in one lump sum with his own money effectively.

Did you cut up his credit card? If not, make sure you do.

Yes, his credit card is now cut up
I think our way of making things work and pay used to work, but maybe not anymore, I will have to have a re-think, thank you.