Can't Sleep...

SixSixOne

A brief introduction,

Back in 2013 I fell ill and had several months off work, during this time my debts mounted, followed by a reduction of hours not long after I returned to work, eventually my debts caught up to me and crushed me! In 2014 I entered a DMP and things have improved continuously for me since then. My debts are coming down slowly but are coming down which is a good thing. I've found a new job which I love and my annual income is now better than it was back in 2013. So everything seems to be on the up-and-up

My only problem now as I'm wanting to start to rebuild my life and share this with my new OH I can't, my poor credit history and DMP which is still running mean I have a ball and chain around my neck, my new OH mentions things like getting a house and mortgage which I say sound good but inside I'm cringing as I know that this isn't an option for me, and since I've got 2 years left on my DMP plus another 6 to go before it falls off my file its not going to be an option anytime in the near future.

So what should I do, having to wait another 8 years before starting to enter onto the property ladder or even build a future just seems so far away, and how do I break this news to my new OH without totally freaking her out??

Oh, and if anyone's got any sleeping advice so I can switch off from all of this going around in my head it would be most welcome!

antonia86

Didn't want to read and run.

I do think that honesty is the best policy, but only you can judge her reaction.

Just because you have this credit issue, does mean you are a lesser person, and there are ways around these things. A sensible financial advisor or scout through the forums will tell you what they are. Off the top of my head, maybe she could look at shared ownership, until you are able to contribute credit wise?

Scottishmummy

If all of your debts were defaulted at the start it is six years from default not six years from end of DMP so with luck you only have four years before they all fall off. However I agree with Antonia. Honesty is best policy.

SixSixOne

antonia86 wrote: »

Didn't want to read and run.

I do think that honesty is the best policy, but only you can judge her reaction.

Just because you have this credit issue, does mean you are a lesser person, and there are ways around these things. A sensible financial advisor or scout through the forums will tell you what they are. Off the top of my head, maybe she could look at shared ownership, until you are able to contribute credit wise?

Hmmm, I still not sure on how I break this though

I've heard of shared ownership but having to pay a mortgage plus then also pay rent sounds like it would put me beyond my means. Also would this mean she has to apply for the property herself and then technically "sub-let" to me as she won't be able to declare me on the application as my credit score will result in us being declined?

Scottishmummy wrote: »

If all of your debts were defaulted at the start it is six years from default not six years from end of DMP so with luck you only have four years before they all fall off. However I agree with Antonia. Honesty is best policy.

How do I know if/when my debts were defaulted and how do you think I should break the news??

Wannamove

Sorry can't offer any advice about he defaults and things, but wanted to say I kept our huge debt from my husband for over 10 years and it was awful. It eats you up and you can't think of anything else every time he talked about buying things or going out I would change the subject and turn him down and he started to think I had lost interest in him.

I ended up in pieces 3 weeks ago and confessed everything, it was really hard to do. But the best thing I have ever done, he doesn't blame me at all and understands, the only thing he was cross about was why I never told him before. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted, honestly tell her and then you can look at ways around it.

I will never cover it up again.

lambda

Hey

I think all you have to do is just tell her. Seriously. My OH was on a DMP when we met 8 years ago. She eventually told me. I didn't really care. If your partner is going to dump you because of your financial situation then she is not the person for you (sorry). Just sit her down with a cuppa and spill it all out.

Regarding the credit situation. Having no access to credit is only a good thing in my opinion. If you want things, save up for them. Regarding the mortgage - it may take you that amount of time to find your feet and save for a deposit anyway. It's not the end of the world by any stretch.

Hope it all works out for you and good luck!

lyndseyb2009

Hiya,

I agree with some of the other posters - it's better to tell her now than wait another 2 years or so.

I was on a DMP when I met my OH and had nearly 20k of repayments hanging over my head. I had my DMP in place but having his support through the whole process was unbelievable.

He was there to help when I needed to re-do my balance sheets each year for my reviews, when I was planning on increasing payments he was there to run the numbers with. He had his own CCJ at the time but it was due to come off soon for him. We both knew we wanted to buy a house but that it would take time for us.

If he had his way - yes as soon as his CCJ was gone, we probably would have bought, as aside from this satisfied CCJ his credit history was near perfect (CCJ was thanks to his ex). But he knew for me it wouldn't be an option until after 2017 (when my last default comes off). He knew about the defaults etc.

I was moving to London to be with him so he needed to know the whole picture - he needed to know as it did impact both our futures. My debt wasn't because of reckless spending (I did it to help my parents) but even if it was, I still would have been honest with him.

I would simply sit your OH down and explain the situation to her. She might be building a future with you in her head - it's not fair to keep this from her.

There are other options - we considered my OH simply getting a mortgage on his own but we both contribute to it and get my name added to the deeds as and when I can. I'm not precious about having my name on the mortgage and neither is he - we trust each other. He earns enough to qualify for a good mortgage in the area we want - together yes we could get more, but I'd rather get a cheaper house and life comfortably in our own home than max our a mortgage for no good reason.

The CCJ was still on his file when we want to rent so we've rented our place for the last 3 years in my name only . We both pay equally into our house so a mortgage would be no different for us except probably close to £700 less than we pay in rent a month!

Once you come clean to your OH you can look at options together. Be prepared that she might not like what she hears, but hopefully you've got a strong enough relationship to realise that yours is only a temporary problem and will get better in time.

And it is possible to get a mortgage with defaults on your file. (if you have them) Some other posters have had successes when using an independent broker. All is not lost .

Good luck!

L

Scottishmummy

SixSixOne wrote: »

How do I know if/when my debts were defaulted and how do you think I should break the news??

If you check all three credit reports - Equifax , Experian and Noddle they will show if your creditors have defaulted you.

MEM62

SixSixOne wrote: »

Oh, and if anyone's got any sleeping advice so I can switch off from all of this going around in my head it would be most welcome!

You will be amazed at how much better you will sleep having told her. And don't leave it too long - it would not be fair on your OH to let this discussion and her dreams of future plans go on for a while and then you drop the bombshell.