Comping Christmas Carol (Did I miss the memo)

Phantasma · 24 December 2015 at 9:42PM

Inspired by the Did I miss them memo thread which discussed the growing sob story 'cult' I thought I'd put it into a cheery Christmas song

Please note that this is to amuse, and not criticise, each to their own and all that.

To the tune of -

We Three Kings

We freakin' so desperate are,
To win gifts we'll take things too far.
Jackanory, such sob stories,
All for a chocolate bar.

I start to wonder is this right,
Why would people share their plight?
Just to win a Nando's dinner,
Or a set of fairy lights.

My gran's stuck in a nursing home,
She's ninety-six and all alone.
She's been so sick and needs a stick,
Please let me win this phone.

I start to wonder how you can,
Selfishly desert your nan.
You'll find a visit lifts her spirits,
More than any monthly plan.

I almost died and then got worse,
My husband kept me from the hearse.
I'd love to win this cheese for him,
He was an awesome nurse.

I start to wonder why on earth,
One free gift is all he's worth
Please be nicer, you're a miser,
Put your hand into your purse.

My little solider, oh so brave,
He's pictured here by grandpa's grave.
Help dry his tears, allay his fears,
Give me that microwave.

I start to wonder what I've read,
It's not a grave, but flower bed.
Grandpa's in Devon, not in heaven,
He'd be shocked to learn he's dead.

Liked, loved, and shared, WOW, OMG!
I'm so excited, please pick me.
How fantastic, I'm orgasmic,
Think I let out some wee.

I start to wonder for our race,
Madness reigns in cyberspace.
Desperation, exhortation,
All to win a pencil case.

I have had a terrible year,
My fish is mute, my dog won't purr.
My mynah bird says naughty words,
My tortoise has no fur.

I start to wonder if I'm wrong,
Maybe I should play along.
I'll spin some lies to win a prize,
Join in with the sobbing throng.

My newt has died, my leopard has spots,
I can't recall forget-me-nots.
Since a seizure caused amnesia,
Now I am winning lots!