Flo's Debt Free Diary

reality_check

What do you buy that's branded? Things like pasta sauce? Make your own it's cheaper...I am only loyal to Robinsons squash - because my daughter claims to not like anything else, and I do like Heinz tomato soup that I maybe have very occassionally, but can eat cheaper, and also Warboutons bread. I buy branded cleaning and laundry products mostly, but sometimes supermarket own for some things like bleach. Anyway, I'm sure you know all this can be done, I just think having no money to spend on yourself is not a good route to go down and this seems the only way to reduce your monthly outgoings if everything is all locked in for a year. I would cancel your Labour membership, only £3 odd but every little helps. Also your mobile is this tied into a contract? xx

Florence_J

I buy very few branded products, marmite being one. I'm more a smart price/savers/value/everyday/basics type of girl. I feel guilty if I buy a product that is still supermarket own brand but the one up from value.

My phone contract will end in a year's time. It is a smart phone, but not a top of the range one and certainly not an i phone. I'm not the most tech savvy person, but I do think having a smart phone is useful for money/voucher making apps. I'm not particularly fussed about brand/model/provider, I like whoever is the best value for money. I will look into this in a year's time.

The labour membership I have debated so much. I have come so close to cancelling it. I won't really go into my reasons as I don't want to open up a conflict or debate, believe what you like everyone, support who you like, I will just say at this moment in time it is important to me and I will only cancel it if I absolutely have to. If it comes to that stage then it will absolutely go, my loyalty must be to my wallet above all else.

I don't really have anything worth selling left. I am pretty much down to the books which either can't be sold or it would really pain me to sell. I've never had the money to buy anything of worth. I might get £100 for my camera but to be fair it is a great model and I use it every week.

The things is, I know I haven't really mentioned it but I am doing a No Spend Year this year, I haven't really mentioned it because all I would be saying really is 'I didn't buy anything', So I haven't been buying 'things', just social costs.

Yes, I know people like Michelle McGagh went a whole year without spending/buying anything, but I just want to explain that I haven't been buying 'things' for two reasons.

1) it means there is not a lot left I can cut out since I am not buying it in the first place.
2) it might mean that I can survive on not having any money?

The trouble is I am getting very mixed messages from the OH.

On the one hand he wants the money I owe him back by the end of the year, on the other hand he is willing to spend potentially more than that on CBT for me and not need it back at any particular time.

On the one hand he seemed to act like I was being wilfully decadent when I suggested I had a bit of disposable income each month, and on the other hand he keeps saying 'want to see this band?/go to the football?/go out for a meal?' and I have to say 'I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE ANY MONEY FROM NOW UNTIL THE REST OF THE YEAR'

I think we need a serious talk or some ground rules.

The future doesn't particularly look good to me right about now.

Florence_J

More things which may explain the high costs of our household/food shopping.

I love cooking and whilst I wouldn't say I'm an expert I at least know my way around a recipe.

OH doesn't cook. He is unconfident rather than incapable, he doesn't do anything more adventurous than a pasta meal (and he doesn't really like pasta). For him he likes meals that are simple or can just be heated up in the microwave so he likes pots and tins and packets and things like that.

OH used to work in Bristol too, and when he did we had an arrangement that I would always have dinner ready for him when he comes home, because he would get home at 6.45pm.

Now that I work in Bristol OH is supposed to be in charge of the cooking during the week. More often then not I get home starving, find he hasn't made anything, and then I hastily make something as I feel like I am going to eat my hand if I don't get something in me quickly.

For me the week is about surviving, and as much as I love cooking I will lose all enthusiasm for it during the week as I want to claw as much free time out of the evening as I can.

OH also has to cook for himself once a week because he does a painting course, which means he needs a tin/microwave meal as he won't have the time or inclination to do anything else.

There's only two things I won't eat-meat and tinned macaroni cheese. I can accept the 'meat' is kind of a big one, but OH won't eat

-bacon, lamb, all fish other than scampi, eggs, yoghurt, beans, most pulses unless well hidden, lentils, garlic, too much onion, he doesn't like pasta sauces made out of chopped tomatoes as he says they are too bland, so even if I buy a basics own brand sauce that still costs more, he doesn't like most pasta dishes unless they are smothered in beef or cheese (such as lasagna, macaroni cheese and spag bol).

He also doesn't like eating the same thing, or similar things, too close to each other. So I have to come up with 7 wildly different meals each week, or if we are going to eat rice twice that week then they have to be far apart.

This causes a lot of problems.

We tend to only go out for dinner if it is a natural part of our social plans (such as we are meeting friends for a meal), and we have a takeaway about once every two months-if that-and it's usually to celebrate something.

We do buy alcohol but neither of us are big drinkers. I say at most, such as it is a very lively social week, we would drink about 4 times a week. It is usually around the 1-2 times a week mark.

I know perhaps I shouldn't be this principled on a budget, but since I don't eat meat I try to make sure the meat OH eats is as ethical as I can trick myself into believing it is. If we are feeling flush and OH wants red meat then he will have flat iron steaks as they are cheaper than sirloin steaks.

I try to make sure we have some 'free from' snacks in the house and some long life soya milk as I have two close friends with very serious dietary needs. And I feel if people indulge me with my pescetarianism then I should accommodate their needs.

OH eats a lot of chocolate. He 'needs' his treats (I say needs, what I mean is he pouts if he doesn't have them). He also drinks about 2.5 pints of milk a day.

And yes, our guilty pleasure is we drink coke zero (I drink a Tesco own brand version) and what's more we drink cans!!! You don't have to tell me how expensive that is compared to bottles. But we shop around for a deal and we are both of the opinion that we only buy it once a month so if it runs out that's it till next payday.

I also include the delivery charges in the food budget breakdown, as neither of us drive or live near a big supermarket, so we are reliant on local shops and small supermarket stores which are more expensive.

I'll admit one thing that drove me crazy was OH likes microwave rice but I have managed to convince him that the more 'manual' stuff is just as good. But again we need some of this in stock so that OH can make himself a quick meal when needed.

At least I can say we don't buy already chopped veg or grated cheese.

Florence_J

I have just returned from my initial consultation with a counsellor and I feel like it may be the start of a good thing. I feel a lightness I haven't felt in a while.

Let's see what the future brings.

Florence_J

I went to my Doctor today. I was in tears.

My Doctor has signed me off work for 28 DAYS!

I have told my boyfriend's parents about all this finally (I work in the same department as his Dad), they were shocked, a little bit peeved and annoyed, but ultimately wished me good luck in getting better.

Tomorrow I will have to ring up my line manager, explain the situation and face the humiliation, and possibly have to hand in my notice, or be fired.

This is the lowest I have ever felt. This is the most humiliating thing that has ever happened to me. I am in shock. I am desperate. I am having a full blown mental health breakdown.

I don't know what is going to happen tomorrow. But I am stressed beyond all measure.

I want to leave my job but I don't want to be fired if that makes sense.

Please help me, I'm drowning.

[Deleted User]

Hugs Flo, you obviously need the rest or the Doctor wouldn't have signed you off.

Please look after yourself

Pmo2 xx

Florence_J

Deleted_User wrote: »

Hugs Flo, you obviously need the rest or the Doctor wouldn't have signed you off.

Please look after yourself

Pmo2 xx

Thank you. I am just so scared about what tomorrow will bring.

I think this is the most critical my mental health has ever been.

enthusiasticsaver

I think you need to take care of yourself.

You talk a lot about what your OH wants and needs and HI is right £250 is a lot to spend on food for 2 people if it leaves you with absolutely no disposable income for yourself. Personally I would be leaving him to cook his own meals if he is that fussy he won't eat the same thing two days running or not eat it if there is no meat.

I also do not think your OH should be questioning why you need some personal money. It is your money and he has willingly lent you money but is psychologically pressing you to pay it back even though money is incredibly tight. In other words he is using emotional blackmail to make you feel guilty about wanting to keep some money back for yourself. I cannot imagine this is helping your anxiety disorder.

Your doctor has signed you off due to stress. Are you now in a position to be able to access counselling through the NHS if you are off work? This may mean you are not beholden to your OH to pay for counselling as borrowing from him seems to be giving you more problems than it is solving.

armchairexpert

Florence, your OH sounds like a nice guy, but it doesn't sound like he maybe understands your finances properly. If he 'needs' treats, and he has disposable income, why on earth is it coming out of a joint food budget that leaves you with no spending money?

More urgent is your mental health. Do you have counselling or medication lined up? I hope you're not just going to be at home for 28 days. You don't have to tell your employer what the signing-off is for, I don't think (someone can correct me I don't know UK employment law) if you have a certificate. You certainly don't have to have a long conversation which justifies your position. You are taking medical leave on the advice of a professional. That's all. It's not your fault, it's not a failing in you, it's a thing that happens: people get sick and they need to heal.

Please keep checking in with us I'm worried about you.

Florence_J

Hello guys.

I have been awake since 4:30am today, trying to get back to sleep. I gave up at 7 and came downstairs but now feel a bit groggy.

I woke up to terrible news about a massive fire in a London tower block and despite the fact I know my brother who lives in London lives nowhere near that area, I will still need to text him to know that he is alright.

My OH is going to try and take the morning off work to sit with me when I phone my line manager today.

I am counting down the minutes until that time.

My Doctor has given me a 28 day supply of a double dose of my anti depressants. That may help.

I have realised my mistake in trying to keep it all inside and not reveal the truth. As a result I have contacted my closest friends and family about what has happened and I am going to get the support I need.

I will post back as the day goes on. I have a long list of things I need to do concerning this today. After my call to my line manager I am going to speak to my local Mind centre.