Debt confession--I'm terrified

Bobarella

Hello there
Has your husband taken early retirement? I am surprised to hear he doesn't still expect to be putting in for the every day costs. Have you actually ever sat him down and run him through your outgoings? It's such a terrible shame you have been brought so low by what should be a shared burden.

Would you feel comfortable posting your budget/statement of affairs to see if anyone can help with trimming costs?

As others have already said. There is always a way out. Please take care of yourself.

Bob

feelinglostandscared

My husband has not taken early retirement but he is much older than me. He retired at 65 and in hindsight that's where the problems started. He will say things like 'Well there's x amount of dollars left in the RRSPs/stocks so as long as I don't live past 7/8/9 years we'll be fine'. This just fuels the guilt. I realize he will probably die before me but I don't want to think about it.

He has been incredibly good to me throughout our relationship in most ways except this big one. I completely realize we need to curb the spending or he needs to contribute more. And if he doesn't kick me out (or even if he does) I will post a budget or SOA here. I'm completely expecting him to ask me to leave and that's ok. I'd probably do the same if my spouse was lying to me about something this serious. At any rate today is the day. He's going to the bank this afternoon so I'll leave him the note this morning before I head off to work.

I just have to remember to breathe.

Bobarella

So sorry. It all sounds so scary and worrying for you. One question, when he retired. Did you not both sit down together and work out what your living costs were and whether he could afford to not contribute any further at retirement?
Surely that is what the pension is for to support daily living.

I really hope he doesn't kick you out. You sound like it's you holding your family together. Despite your getting into debt to do it at least you are living in the real world of the pair of you.

feelinglostandscared

An update in case anyone is interested. I came clean and he took it extremely well. No yelling or getting angry just a bit of annoyance that I didn't tell him sooner. When I got home from work today he had done up a rough budget and actually said to me 'This has nothing to do with you overspending. It has to do with us living beyond our means and me not contributing enough'. You could have knocked me over with a feather. So I really need to learn to give him more credit--pun intended:-). I feel much better now and so does he. He knew something was wrong but obviously didn't know what.

I have been obsessively reading these boards and there is such an amazing amount of really good, really useful advice on here. Thank you all so much!

DreamerHelen

Hi Lostandscared....It sounds like things went really well...I'm glad that your Husband can now see that it's a Joint thing rather than just your responsibility...


I hope things work out for you...Please do let us know how you get on...xXx

Puddylove

feelinglostandscared wrote: »

An update in case anyone is interested. I came clean and he took it extremely well. No yelling or getting angry just a bit of annoyance that I didn't tell him sooner. When I got home from work today he had done up a rough budget and actually said to me 'This has nothing to do with you overspending. It has to do with us living beyond our means and me not contributing enough'. You could have knocked me over with a feather. So I really need to learn to give him more credit--pun intended:-). I feel much better now and so does he. He knew something was wrong but obviously didn't know what.

I have been obsessively reading these boards and there is such an amazing amount of really good, really useful advice on here. Thank you all so much!

Excellent news, and I'm glad he's taken it on the chin.
There is always a solution to debt problems. A few years ago I owed around £26k just through some bad luck (vet bills) and not living within my means.
I worked out a budget and then made it a game to see how much I could reduce each outgoing, and how I could 'make do and mend', and I now owe £7250, all in one 0% credit card, so much more manageable. I also have managed to save up for a new (to me) car, and a house deposit.
My first place to start was Martin's money makeover - have you done that? Might have to adapt things a bit for Canada, but the basic advice is sound.
Good luck with your journey - and be kind to yourself.
P x

Bobarella

Thank you for coming back and updating us. That is the absolute best update you could have given. Wow. It sounds as though your OH is really ready to help deal with the issues and the fact there is no blame (which is as you would hope it would be) is fantastic.

Good luck to you both.

Bob

Movingon5464

So happy to see your latest post as I was worried about his reaction and how you would cope with it. It is such good news that he has taken on board he needs to contribute more and he even worked out a budget. You must feel like a huge weight has been lifted. Now you can sort this out together. So happy for you.

owlet

That's great news! I'm so pleased you can work together on this. Maybe you could introduce him to these boards, although you are in Canada the principles of money saving still applies. Good luck

Silian

Hi Lostandscared,

That is great news. It is much easier to sort these things out together.

Loads of people on this forum are fans of YNAB (you need a budget). It costs a bit of money but it helped me turn my life around completely.

You can also join some of the challenges here or start a diary . It really helps with keeping motivated.