Scared and don't know what to do : (

lewpster

Firstly it has taken me a lot to read this forum and come out of lukerdom let alone post on here.

My debts are spiralling out of control and I need to stop now before anything happens.

My partner thinks they are about £2,500 but they are about 6x that : (

They have built up from every day expenses as I don't drink, smoke or go out. It's just paying for every day expenses like food and petrol and I have been covering all this by myself and not asking my husband for help.

I am meeting just over the minimum repayments and my cards are mostly on 0% but this won't last forever.

Every month I have great intentions but it always goes wrong. I next get paid in November so am determined to start going downwards and not upwards.

I am scared what could happen and ashamed of what I have done. I have spent 14 years in debt and I am not prepared to enter my 40's(albeit that is a while off in debt).

Where should I start? And am I better just chipping away at them as things like Payplan would risk my house wouldn't they? And maybe not worth doing as I am not behind with my payments and never have been.

Sat here sweating as so so scared....

HOK3Y

You need to post a SOA so you can get some good , clear advice. I would also say consider a very honest talk with your hubby. I realise that's probably terrifying but he needs to know what is going on. I am sure he'll be horrified at first but he might surprise you if you give him the chance. Very best of luck to you.

When_the_going_gets_tough

HOK3Y has given you some very good advice. Sharing this burden and facing your financial situation together is the first step to getting your money under control. Good luck with it all.

Little_Miss_Sunshine

Please talk to your partner. I was in this position in July. My husband thought the debts were about £2500.They weren't. More like £18K. Like you it was every day stuff which has spiraled out of controlIts not been easy. Lots of talking and tears. But no massive bust ups. We've got a spending diary. OH does a spreadsheet and monthly accounts. We talk about ALL expenditure beforehand. We've cut back and reduced what we spend. I couldn't have done this on my own. There is light at the end of the tunnel but you need to do it together. Its too much to do alone. My OH was more hurt by the fact I hadn't talked to him than the debt itself. Good luck.

lewpster

Little_Miss_Sunshine wrote: »

Please talk to your partner. I was in this position in July. My husband thought the debts were about £2500.They weren't. More like £18K. Like you it was every day stuff which has spiraled out of controlIts not been easy. Lots of talking and tears. But no massive bust ups. We've got a spending diary. OH does a spreadsheet and monthly accounts. We talk about ALL expenditure beforehand. We've cut back and reduced what we spend. I couldn't have done this on my own. There is light at the end of the tunnel but you need to do it together. Its too much to do alone. My OH was more hurt by the fact I hadn't talked to him than the debt itself. Good luck.

That is exactly the same as me. I am embarrassed, ashamed and feel like this is my mess and a journey I need to take on my own. I have put it on myself to cover the shortfall in things myself to save putting any extra stress on my already stressed husband.

I have just been on Stepchange and done a SOA and got an action plan to look through x

Little_Miss_Sunshine

You sound so like me. I covered up, said everything was fine, didn't want to upset anyone and all the time sinking further and further. I can't tell you the relief when I told him (well he found out half of it and I confessed all). As I said it really hasn't been easy. I lied and that has hurt him. BUT I didn't spend it on myself - it was on us. That doesn't make it right or better but it does explain - a bit anyway. I was so so ashamed and disgusted with myself. I had some very dark thoughts. But, 3 months on we are getting there. Paying back around 1K a month. We can only do this because we are working together 100%
Take care

wegle

lewpylew wrote: »

That is exactly the same as me. I am embarrassed, ashamed and feel like this is my mess and a journey I need to take on my own. I have put it on myself to cover the shortfall in things myself to save putting any extra stress on my already stressed husband.

I have just been on Stepchange and done a SOA and got an action plan to look through x

It's fine to decide that you want to cover these debts yourself, but you should still talk to your husband so that he knows the situation and can support you in other ways. It would be horrible to be in the situation where you have to lie further to him to make excuses of why you can't spend money or do certain things.

I'm dealing with my debt on my own but my husband knows all about it and is such a great help. Getting on board with cutting the grocery budget and meal planning, being happy to stay in watching a movie instead of going out etc. I couldn't do it without him cheering me on. And remember you made vows when you married... "for better for worse.... richer or poorer" or certainly words to that affect. I'm sure you both want to uphold those vows. Be honest an open with him and I bet you'll be amazed at the support you get.

Kate_fixing_it

Hi OP,

it's a week since I came clean to hubby. I was utterly convinced he'd leave me and take the kids. I got a "you stupid cow! Why didn't you say?" and a hug (he doesn't "do" affection)

We sat down and rewrote our budget. My debts are 10k on cards and a PDL. My DFD is October 2014.

You can't go through this alone. Believe me, the half hour of coming clean is nowhere near as bad as fearing a statement being found every single waking moment. I'm not scared to open my post around him now and I don't feel like I'm constantly juggling things to keep the true figure hidden. I suspect he may know there's something wrong and he'll be having all sorts of fears about what it is - he may even be relieved that it's debt and not something much more terrible.

I know exactly how you feel about wanting to clear it yourself but, like me, it's time to swallow the pride and ask for help. It won't clear the debts but it will make your life easier I can promise you that.

Good luck x

mrsscattercushion

I totally agree with the advice given...do talk to your partner. I was in the opposite position to you, I knew my hubby had debt but thought that by me paying for things it would allow him to pay his debts off...wrong...

The money itself wasn't the issue, it was the lack of honesty that was the biggest issue....talk to your partner and share the load...when hubby was honest, we were able to sort it together...5 years on he's DF and still together....you don't have to do this on your own...good luck!

Sazzie23

lewpylew wrote: »

That is exactly the same as me. I am embarrassed, ashamed and feel like this is my mess and a journey I need to take on my own. I have put it on myself to cover the shortfall in things myself to save putting any extra stress on my already stressed husband.

I have just been on Stepchange and done a SOA and got an action plan to look through x

Brilliant advice from everyone here, seems many of us (me too) have been in the same position - I think taking the first steps are the hardest, well done for taking action and good luck