How much is too much cleaning and ironing? Friend may have a problem

fionajbanana

Please move to different thread if required

My friend is retired and she cleans her 3 bed semi twice a week. She spends all day from 8-9am to about 2pm.

Then she irons everything excluding undies. She washes the towels after one use - like a hotel. I do wonder what she washes as both her and DH wear the same 3 sets of clothes and their wardrobes are full of clothes.

I think she has a problem as myself, parents and other friends that discuss cleaning and we only do each of the above once a week. I don't iron at all. My mother lives in a 4 bed home and she cleans that in 3.5 - 4 hours.

My friend lives with her DH and DS who is in his mid 20s.

I do tell her that you don't need to iron socks and only need to clean once a week and she says nothing. Even her DH and DH complain she does bloody cleaning all the while!

She makes excuses all the time to me and her friends that she cannot make it today because of her cleaning. One day, she said not to bother coming round for coffee in the morning, as she was going to see someone in hospital. The visiting hours are 2-4pm and its only a 20 min journey on the bus. She is starting to refuse to see other friends if she has plans later that day. I only know two of her friends and they are both as worried as I am.

I need to do something before she cracks up and she cleans all the bloody while! I find her conversations a little boring now as its all about washing, ironing and cleaning. I love her as a friend, but may not want to stay friends if she gets worse with the washing, cleaning and ironing. She probably spends more time doing these than a maid in the Victorian period in a stately home!

Dimey

My 3 bed place gets 3 hrs a week. I don't iron unless its "going out" clothes.

I have a friend with OCD who used to clean the whole house daily. She's been in therapy and first started by leaving one task or one room for a day. That grew and after 6 months therapy she went whole house every other day. Her goal is to get to just a weekly clean.

Is your friend unhappy in retirement. Does she miss regular work commitment. She's obviously blind to feedback from her OH and you. She doesn't sound bad enough for therapy. I know plenty of people who still iron underwear and sheets.

Maybe more fun social trips as distraction?
Challenge her to leave the cleaning to her husband alone for one week? If she reacts badly and frets then maybe she'll see she has a problem too.

Savannah02K

But if she hasn't expressed any unhappiness about how much cleaning and ironing she's doing, what business is of yours? I don't mean that in a rude way but if that's how your friend decides to spend her life, then that's her business. And giving cleaning duties as an excuse not to spend time doing social things, may just mean she either doesn't want to do those social things or she doesn't want to do them with the same group of people. She's retired, her world is changing, it could well be she likes the little life she has and there's absolutely nothing wrong with it as far as she's concerned. If she thinks of you as a good friend, she'll ask for help. Otherwise leave the poor woman alone, she probably things people who only spend a few hours a week cleaning their homes are the ones with a problem

hot.chick

I genuinely know people that clean every day - so twice a week doesn't seem excessive (although it's more than I do!)

The not seeing people just sounds like she's using cleaning as an excuse rather than a real reason.

maman

I appreciate that you're concerned for your friend but if you've brought it up and she's aware of your concerns there's not a great deal more you can really do I don't think.

I'm retired and it took me about a year to get used to the situation. That was even though I went for early retirement from choice. I missed the routine and I missed my colleagues. I didn't want to jump into a load of voluntary work and just replace one 'job' with another.

I have to say that I didn't jump into cleaning either;) DH has always done the majority of our cleaning (from when we both had full on jobs, it was our way of sharing things up) and he still does. He's a bit obsessive but I let him get on with it to an extent but would draw the line if he started refusing to do social stuff so he could play with his Dyson.

I'd suggest you keep inviting her for coffee and other social events and maybe she'll build a more varied life in time.

bluebag

My mum could have cleaned and washed and ironed all day, every day. She loved it, said it relaxed her as it was just mindless stuff.

She was never happier than with a mop and bucket and a dirty floor, she wouldn't just mop it, it would be immaculate. She would stand back and give it an admiring look and utter a huge contented sigh.

I loathe housework and cleaning, but we always got on, she let me be a slob and I let her clean to her hearts content. Funny world.

tizerbelle

How much cleaning and ironing is too much?

For me any at all!

I've ironed once this year and that was only to press the hem of some curtains I was taking up.

I have a cleaner that comes in every week.

As others have said, it's all relative, if your friend doesn't think its an issue then it isn't. If however, she is distressed or concerned about it, then yes help her find some support.