This Time I'm Really Going To Do It

Goldiegirl

Watty1 wrote: »

Will think more about KC's post. I liked it a lot.

Yes, very thought provoking, and it's sparked a few thoughts with me as well.


I'll be 'mulling' my thoughts over for the next few days, as I want to bring together small plan for 2016

Watty1

Karmacat wrote: »

Very sobering. You need to think about what part of "life" you're avoiding - if there's bits you're *not* avoiding but not doing either, you can start doing them.

Then you need to find out why you're avoiding the bits you're avoiding .... and deal with it :eek: and then the world will be your oyster :beer:

This post really got me thinking. So yes I could do more outside around the place, as I love working on the land type stuff, and I could spend more time with the horses and I could go back to yoga. Since doggy got diagnosis I've been enjoying every day with him and I plan to keep doing that but if I add in the other bits that would be good. Also friends. Now I've never been great at keeping up with friends but I could do that too.
How does all that sound???


And deal with the bits I'm avoiding. Phew. I'm not even sure I can really articulate that here but yes I sort of know what is going on here. The first 30 years were not so great, totally abusive childhood, left home at 18 and went somewhat off the rails at university, ran away from life totally at 22 to travel around India as just couldn't cope, came home and ended up in living with an alcoholic. Same life rules as childhood: "don't tell, don't talk".
Have tried counselling, the first counsellor was ok but looking back I suspect was out of his depth as he gave me a book to read recommended by his colleague. I went for just over a year. I'm not sure it helped. The second counsellor I saw as pressurised into it. Was so angry I only went once. The third counsellor I was just paying lip service to the idea and went along because Mr Watty and I were not in a great place and I was very disconnected from everything at that time.
The final one made matters so much worse that I went three times and ended up having panic attacks. I ditched her, had a long talk with a friend in the States who gave me some fabulous support (qualified in some type of counsellor and works in the addictions field) and since then I've just been doing life as best as I can.


Am wondering if I could do better? By tackling the residue issues?
Will think some more.

Karmacat

Thanks for comment! And oh Watty, you poor thing.

First off, whatever else you do from now on, you've already done brilliantly, to get where you are while you're coping with that sort of stuff.

Whatever else you put in place right now, do it because its stuff you love - as you say at the start, you love the working on the land stuff, so start there.

Notice the difference when you say about keeping up with friends: you don't say you love it, or you miss them, you say you "could do it" - thats really different! I know its supposed to be great to do that, but I always found that I was stressed by seeing a lot of people - that was down to me picking the wrong people for me, etc etc etc, all sorts of stuff; I had the skills to do it, I "could do it", but I didn't *want* to. Make sense?

The counselling you've had sounds horrendous sorry to hear that. Reading what you wrote, the same issue stands out: do you *want* counselling? It honestly doesn't sound like you do. Support from your American friend has been the most help. Bearing that in mind, if you go to a professional at all, I'd say go to a coach, not a counsellor - my sister summed coaching up recently when she said "its good for people who know what they want, but don't know how to get there". I think thats good!

But first, I'd say check out the physical stuff - nutrition, hydration and sleep. I *know* thats easier said than done, believe me. But they'll help. And then look about for a couple of books - one on writing therapy (writing for yourself, in a private journal, no recommendation there, sorry) and a book called 59 Seconds http://www.amazon.co.uk/59-Seconds-Motivation-Little-Change-ebook/dp/B006MS5R20/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1451387768&sr=8-4&keywords=59+seconds that's the kindle link, its only 98p right now. He took small things that research had proved to be effective, and wrote about them in this book. I use it myself, not for my clients, so I'm not therapising at you, I promise, its *my* go-to book, and a million miles away from the deep therapeutic work I do.

Apologies for an epic post I'm quite verbal when I'm writing, I blame the typing lessons all those years ago

edinburgher

Your Christmas sounded lovely Watty, did Mr Watty get you that bottle of ironing water that you were clearly angling for?

atypicalblonde

Watty - thank you for sharing your story. I am nowhere near as clever and articulate as others, KC has said everything so well, but I would say that you have clearly done yourself incredibly proud in what you have achieved given such a carpy first 30 years. I raise my glass to you lovely lady xx


KC - What a great post. You write so well, and your knowledge shines through xx

Goldiegirl

Watty, you are very brave to share your story, and you have done so well to get to where you are now


As KC said (better than I ever could) concentrate on the things that you enjoy.


I've also got 'issues' with friends.


Apart from Mr Goldie, I've got one really good friend who I enjoy seeing once a month or so. There's about 4 other people who we get together with from time to time, but it doesn't enter my head to see them without my really good friend. As KC says, I find it quite stressful meeting and seeing a lot of people. Although people don't realise it, I'm very shy, and it can be a bit of an ordeal to make the effort to go out and meet people. So I tend to stick with Mr Goldie, or my friend - which is great for my peace of mind, but I do wonder if I should be doing something for myself, for example joining a family history or local history group. Or the U3A. Or both Mr Goldie and I joining a rambling group... trouble is he's more shy than I am!


These are things I'm mulling over at the moment - Watty has given me a push in the right direction!

apple_muncher

Watty - you are one awesome lady and I am privileged to 'know' you x

ajmoney

Watty1 wrote: »

This post really got me thinking. So yes I could do more outside around the place, as I love working on the land type stuff, and I could spend more time with the horses and I could go back to yoga. Since doggy got diagnosis I've been enjoying every day with him and I plan to keep doing that but if I add in the other bits that would be good. Also friends. Now I've never been great at keeping up with friends but I could do that too.
How does all that sound???


And deal with the bits I'm avoiding. Phew. I'm not even sure I can really articulate that here but yes I sort of know what is going on here. The first 30 years were not so great, totally abusive childhood, left home at 18 and went somewhat off the rails at university, ran away from life totally at 22 to travel around India as just couldn't cope, came home and ended up in living with an alcoholic. Same life rules as childhood: "don't tell, don't talk".
Have tried counselling, the first counsellor was ok but looking back I suspect was out of his depth as he gave me a book to read recommended by his colleague. I went for just over a year. I'm not sure it helped. The second counsellor I saw as pressurised into it. Was so angry I only went once. The third counsellor I was just paying lip service to the idea and went along because Mr Watty and I were not in a great place and I was very disconnected from everything at that time.
The final one made matters so much worse that I went three times and ended up having panic attacks. I ditched her, had a long talk with a friend in the States who gave me some fabulous support (qualified in some type of counsellor and works in the addictions field) and since then I've just been doing life as best as I can.


Am wondering if I could do better? By tackling the residue issues?
Will think some more.

Have you thought about a life coach? The deal with the catalysts that were there in the first place. My dad is heavily invloved in this area so I have learned bits over the years and am amazed at how they work, he has even had counsellors refer people to him and also referred themselves! I am not sure how much sessions cost but many of them work over $kype so you can be in your own environment. It is very brave to put everything above into your post, I love that this board is so supportive x

greent

KC is a very wise woman x

Watty1

I logged on intending to delete my post as during the night I woke up and felt uneasy having been so frank and then I discovered you lovely lot had all responded so I shall leave it there as you were all so supportive and comforting.
Totally agree KC is very wise.
And thanks for the life coach suggestions. I might think about that.
You really are a lovely lot