This business is hard

Stewart_78

Lately, the constant slog of debt repayment is getting me down. We are paying off about £1000 a month in debt but it's at least 6 years until the first debt is finished. Every month that £1000 goes and although we are less in debt and there is some small satisfaction there, it makes no difference to our lives and those of our kids. It's just a constant slog with no breathing space. No mercy. We can't really afford anything so the kids miss out on stuff their mates are doing. We do a lot of 'free' stuff like bike rides and so on and a relative gave us a family national trust membership so we max that out.

I could cope with it I think. Just about. But I look at friends who are either bankrupt or on benefits or both and they seem to be here there and everywhere. Always posting on facebook about how the kids loved this or that. Living it up with everything paid while we slog and slog at work, miss time with our kids and can't afford the twice weekly trips to fun parks, cinemas, bowling, whatever.

Somebody please tell me I'm not a complete idiot for doing this the hard way.

Palookaville

It depends on how you feel about paying back what you owe. It took me 7 years to pay back my debt.

I also had a few friends who got into financial difficulties and took bankruptcy and they were saying it was the best thing they ever did and was able to live a decent lifestyle whilst I was plugging away at paying off what I owe.

I often wondered if I should take the "easier way out" by making myself bankrupt. I guess my lack of knowledge about it stopped me because I thought surely you cannot go bankrupt and you don't owe money anymore.

Being in debt is very hard, even harder for those who want to pay it all back.
I got into debt quite quickly. I could blame other people for circumstances that made everything spiral but I won't. I made some stupid choices like getting credit for someone else and not getting the money and spending credit with no real thought as to how I was going to pay it back.

In my heart I knew I had spent this money and it was only right in my opinion to pay it back. Some of my creditors were most unpleasant and it really was a hard road. There were so many times when I thought F this but in hindsight I'm glad I stuck at it.

I didn't have any dependants though so that made it so much easier unlike yourself.
I'm sorry I can't give you any advice but I can empathise with you.

Stewart_78

It's the kids that make it harder. I too can take a lot of responsibility for my debts but I can also shoulder a lot of it onto ruthless banks who screwed our company during the credit crunch leaving me the lender of last resort to keep our staff in jobs. I should never have done that. Should have closed the doors and walked away like the banks do. But I didn't and now I am slogging on a long and lonely road while the bankers and my mates on the dole are living it up.

Somehow it just seems wrong. I can't put my finger on it.

samika

I couldn't offer an opinion as to what is right for you financially, but I just wanted to say that the most important things that a parent can offer their children are time, attention and love. All free of charge

Wishing you all the very best on your DF journey xx

John1993_2

It's remarkable, isn't it, how much harder it is to repay the money than it is to borrow it and spend it. You can be certain, though, that it will all feel worth it in the end, once you get your life back.

rubyjam

I know exactly how you are feeling. We've struggled with our DMP for over 2 years and I'm still not 100% sure we are doing the right thing. There are times when I think we are mad to continue living our lives like this. There is a way out for us and sometimes I can't for the life of me understand why we don't take it ... we could sell our house and start again. On bad days it is very tempting but for some reason we don't do it ... we just keep on the hard way, trying to pay it all back. I could slog this out if it were just me and I agree with you it's the kids who suffer the most. Yes, we give them love but it must be so difficult for them to understand why they can't have their hair cut at the hairdressers or buy clothes from shops, even day trips are out as we can't even afford the bus fare. The car is long gone, OH's boss offered him a van but we had to turn it down as we couldn't afford the tax. Holidays are impossible, the cheapest option - camping would be good but we'd need a tent and how would we get there?

I see friends wearing nice clothes with nice hair cuts and their nails painted taking their children to swimming lessons or Macdonalds and it brings a lump to my throat. By the time our debt is all paid off my youngest will be grown up and gone. My eldest is at Uni and I can't even send her the train fare for her to come home and visit us.

You are not an idiot and you are not alone. And can I just say .... if you find the answer, please let me know!!!

John1993_2

rubyjam wrote: »

I see friends wearing nice clothes with nice hair cuts and their nails painted taking their children to swimming lessons or Macdonalds and it brings a lump to my throat.

It might help to remind yourself that some of these friends are paying for these treats on credit, and so are heading down the road to the situation that you are on your way out of.

It's also quite likely that they looked on jealously when you were living beyond your means on credit previously, wondering how you afforded the things you did.

rubyjam

Yes, I do think back to things we enjoyed in the past and wish we hadn't spent so much and saved it for a rainy day. But at the time we could afford these treats and they weren't bought on credit. My friends would never be jealous of me ... if anything it's the other way round. On the whole, our situation is because of a stupid financial decision we made. Moving house just as the bottom dropped out of the property market and the bank going back on a mortgage offer they had made after we'd exchanged contracts. I've never lived beyond my means, the credit was used to keep us afloat afterwards. That's not an excuse though ... it's still our fault we are in this mess

I related to the OP because he wrote of his struggle to balance his business, debts and family life. And because I understood his situation was compounded by the credit crunch and the appalling way the banks were behaving.

Onwards and upwards And we are getting there even if it's at a snails pace.

bertman

I know exactly how you feel and I am damn sure you are not alone. We are 12 months into our DMP, some days we are fine, other days we think life has dealt us a real downer. All we wanted to do was try and work hard with our business and get a better life, but a combination of things caused it all to crash round our shoulders, from greedy council rents to banks pulling in the overdraft. But if we hadn't done it I guess we would never know.
We have a youngster now and I want to ensure that we can have a debt free lifestyle so we can treat him and have holidays etc. Just enjoy being a normal family, but without borrowing! Keep your chin up, things will get better.

Granariesgirl

S78 -
Chin up, you ARE doing the right thing & you are setting a great example to your kids!
It IS tough & there are a hell of a lot of temptations out there but stay strong & you will get there in the end.
Good luck.

savvykaz

Hi Stewart,
We're also in the same position!! DH would sell our house tomorrow, pay off our debts/loan/mortgage and happily rent for the rest of his life (he's 62), but I see renting as "dead money?" . I also agree that we got into this mess and we need to get out of it.Our DD is 19 and therefore didn't really 'suffer' as we had the hols, little luxuries etc. when she was younger (partly why we're in debt) and I have to say our situation has made her determined not to get credit cards, have an overdraft or live beyond her means . I hope she always remains this focused!! Only you can decide which route to take, sometimes it takes a braver person to take the responsible way out rather than the easy one. Good luck in whatever you do and remember we're all here to share your journey x