Can't spend Money!!

nick500

Hi.

I finished a two year DMP at Christmas. Being in debt and having a lightbulb moment was a very low time for me. Losing my car hurt most, and not renewing my smartphone contract.
Thanks to Payplan, the MSE forum:money: and some help from my wife I made it through though.:beer:

Trouble is now, I am unable to spend. Since having my LBM I check my bank account daily, Have all my bills on a spreadsheet and have set up some savings accounts for a small amount.

Trouble is .. I can't bring myself to buy anything. I have been looking to buy a new (cheap) watch since Christmas but when I've spent two weeks on the pc pricewatching and comparing prices I walk into the shop then think "I could be putting this by for a rainy day," - It's so frustrating!! Things have got so bad that my wife has started buying clothes for me now as I can't face buying them, then we argue because I wont wear orange wooly jumpers!!:cool: :rotfl:
I hope as time goes on I will gain more confidence and loosen up that wallet a bit.

Has anyone else felt like this?

For anyone needing help -there help is out there, and PAYG phones are ok really!

happycamel_2

Well done for becoming debt free. I've never had a debt problem because I've always though like you do now, I only buy things I really, really need and then I try to get second hand. I think it's a good thing really, you have a clock on your phone - you don't need a watch.

I prefer experiences to possessions so we have great holidays, the kids have nice toys (but second hand clothes), they will go to private school but don't have Sky or a fancy car.

Aim for balance by having a budget, it's ok to buy £250 of clothes per year, for example, but no more than. Then aim to spend + or - 10% of that budget.

FireWyrm

Surprisingly, this is a very common side effect of debt freedom. There have been a number of similar threads in the last few months so you are not alone by any means. Most people come to terms with the situation sooner or later, and the general answer is to set aside 'guilt free' money which you can spend on whatever you want. The paralysis you are feeling probably comes from fear, you are afraid that you will end up back in the same situation, or that spending like a drug, once kicked cannot ever be allowed to start again. Neither of these cases are true. You must have, over the last few years learned allot about restraint and moderation and you now have the skills which allow you to spend some money, but not all and still maintain a grip on it.

My advice is to ease up on yourself. Put a little money aside and then spend it. This money has a purpose and you intend to get the most from it, so put your energy into making that money work and obtaining whatever you wanted...the watch is probably as good a start as any. You need to give yourself permission (to borrow an americanism) to spend.

jessie4109

Would you be better off tacking this in stages. If it was me (not debt free yet, but soon hopefully) I would want to put aside enough money to keep myself and dependents going in case of an emergency eg 1 or 2 months equivalent wages to cover bills and groceries etc. Once i'd achieved this I would at least be reassured that we would have enough money to live on if worst case scenarios should happen.

My next step would be to have a minimum "float" in my current account and that as long as all the necessary bills had been paid (or enough in there so they can be paid) I would be able to feel a little happier about buying something.

Eg I see something I like. Have a quick check to see if i'd still have enough left until i hit that "float" level. I know i've got the back up amount in account for worst case scenario so I have covered all my bases and in my head I shouldn't feel guilty for making the purchase.

After making a few purchases you may feel more at ease with the process of buying things guilt free again.

You have obviously learnt from past mistakes and I commend you for that - well done

nick500

Thanks.:beer:
You've hit the nail on the head there Fire Wyrm.
I hope it'll get easier. With all the misery and worry I went through I do feel I've learnt a lot and feel more money savvy now.

I have a young family happy camel and over the last two years we've still made some good memories. Doing car boot sales, going to the local park ..a lot. You can have fun without spending money.

nick500

Hi Jessie 4109. That's my next goal, for peace of mind.

jessie4109

I feel this issue will be one that I suffer with when I become debt free. As now, even though I have a grocery budget I tend to beat myself up over putting a packet of biscuits in the trolley as i'm always thinking where that money could go next!

beth3735

We seem to have both got debt free, but have the opposite of problems Im wanting to spend too much, where as you can't face spending.

I have a super tight husband so maybe that's why I am, I think you have the right frame of mind completely, its just finding that treat balance

I hope you manage to free up happily some funds so that you and your wife can benefit from your debt free situation.

simeyb

Hello! I am in the same place, except I'm not debt free - that's Xmas 2014. But for the last 6 years I have been in my DMP I find it very hard to buy anything for myself. I have no issue buying for my kids or OH, but for me - no, it's really difficult. What stresses me the most I think is that a huge amount of the debt came from being in an unhappy relationship and I spent to compensate for that. I am now (and have been for years now) in a wonderful relationship so perhaps I don't buy for myself as it subconsciously reminds me of when I was unhappy??? My OH bought me some vouchers for my birthday and stood over me as I spent them on me - in the past I still used vouchers that were given to me as presents on buying for others!! Don't know the answer, but OP - you're definitely not on your own!