Can't do this anymore :((

peanut2005

I'm admitting defeat after trying to juggle my debts for 18 months ...

I say my debts but they are due to my ex husband who was biolent and a gambler, the kids and I fled to a refuge and have now set up home but he has left me with so much debt. He lives in the jouse we own together, I'm trying to get a divorce and force a sale but with no legal aid help this just means more money to pay out.

He's left me with credit cards, 2 joint loans, the mortgage which he refuses to pay despite living in the house. He owes the CSA 3 grand, hasn't paid towards his kids for 2 years. I'm paying a thousand a month for my rent on top of the debts... I work hard to get this paid but still cannot afford food, the electric etc. I have barely eaten in a week now, something has got to give!

My worry is tht if this landlord ever wanted me out - I don't want my credit rating to be so damaged that noone will rent me a house.

Find_The_Real

Hello Peanut and welcome. Sorry to hear of all your troubles but well done for getting out of the situation, you have made a very important step just with that.

I would have a read of the thread where to seek advice:

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4228011

and look to speak to one of the free debt charities who can offer advice on the best way to deal with the situation. Rent, your own utilities and food are your priority bills at the moment so you need to make sure they are covered. Your OH is jointly liable for any of the debts in joint names, and having been though a situation of the ex not paying his share despite staying in the house, I really would stop making any payments to those whilst you seek advice. I can tell you that they would be targeting the secured property rather than you so let him deal with it.

Good luck with everything and I really do wish you the very best for the future with it all.

I am also sure other people will come along with better advice as well as I can only really go on my own experience of dealing with exes from hell.

gettingbackontrack

Hi

Well done for posting - and even more well done for getting out of a dreadful situation. I agree with the other poster that you need some professional advice from a charity - Citizens Advice, Step Change or maybe CAP (Christians Against Poverty). The last one seems, from what I hear, to be especially good at dealing with complicated domestic situations - and your don't have to be religious!!!!

Your situation needs careful handling (is the CSA pursuing the arrears, for example?) and you are right that you cannot carry the burden.

I hope someone can give you the help you need - I don't have any answers on the debt except stop paying the mortgage (if you still are). As you're not living in the house, you will be less concerned with any sale.

Best of luck and hang on in there.

Bobarella

Hi Peanut2005

What an awful awful situation I am so sorry to hear about how bad things are. I dont know a lot at all about what can be done. But I wanted to say that I fled from a violent partner a long time ago, he tried to throttle me, and despite brusies and obvious evidence the police wouldnt do anything. I remade my life on my own. But I had no kids into the bargain so just wanted to say, go you and I really hope you can get what you deserve.

All the very best

Bob

kittiej

Peanut hello

I'm not in the right frame of mind atm but why aren't you getting the ex out and you move back in? this would be the best solution all round both monetary and legally surely?

peanut2005

kittiej wrote: »

Peanut hello

I'm not in the right frame of mind atm but why aren't you getting the ex out and you move back in? this would be the best solution all round both monetary and legally surely?

I spent a lot of money on applying for an occupation order, he said in court that if I moved back that he would have no choice but to live with his parents who live 2 doors down. The judge decided that that would be unsafe because of the history so I now have to try and force a sale.

Thanks for your replies, I'm feeling a bit more positive since posting this and am going to register for more shifts at work in order to try and get these debts shifted xx

gettingbackontrack

Our legal system beggars belief at times - why couldn't THAT legal process force a sale too? Your the one who loses out while he sits pretty.

Anyway, I'm glad you're feeling more positive. You can do it!:)