Why can't I stop? SOA

hereigoagain22

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Personally I think your priorities are completely up the swanee. You smoke like chimneys yet your kid has lung problems. You spend money on fuel to visit rather than talk to your family and get them round yours for a change. You spend money on the gym and sky and yet can't afford clothes for the kids.

Honestly; you need a complete reassessment of your priorities.

Ouch. You are very rude and very bitter. My son does not have lung problems. He has a swallowing disorder and we were let down by the medical profession. I took him to A&E on 12 different occasions for choking on his feeds and was laughed at and told that babies do not have problems with swalllowing and I am a paranoid mother. It took aspiration pneumonia for them to take us seriously and we were referred to a childrens hospital for video xrays on his swallowing which revealed that he was indeed born with a swallowing disorder and liquid enters his airway. His swallowing disorder is now fully managed with a thickener and his lungs are fine and healthy so do not make presumptions about the health of my "kid" thank you.

Smoking you are right on and I have already made the decision to stop. I feel guilty enough about smoking without you chipping in and making me feel like utter !!!! so thank you. I posted here looking for support not to be talked down to. I would just like to clarify that we have never smoked in the house or around the children, I did not smoke a single cigarette during either of my pregnancies and started again after DS was born because of postnatal depression and anxiety, my partner was sleeping with my friend at the end of my pregnancy and for the first few weeks of my son's life and when I found out I crumbled, I stopped eating and looking after myself, I started smoking and once again I stopped caring about money. I fully admit that it is no excuse but I do use smoking as a way of relaxing and coping. We smoke outside when the children are soundly sleeping in their own beds and I have realised that this must stop.

We spend £25 a month a Sky which I took out in a moment of weakness a few months ago and deeply regret as yes we cannot afford it. However by cancelling it I will still have to pay until the end of the contract in 9months so could you please explain the point of cancelling it now to me? Our "entertainment" budget which includes the gym is £10 per week so £5 per week each. My partner uses this for an hour at the gym and an hour at football because it motivates him and makes him happy so therefore I am happy. I have allocated more than that to activities with the children.

I spend money on fuel to visit my family because I miss them and my daughter asks for her "nanny" and her cousins daily and once a week I oblige by taking her a visit. It is not my fault that my family do not bother their backsides to come and visit me, I am fully aware that they should make more effort. I have already realised and pointed out in my thread that for now money is more of a priority and I will have to limit visits to fortnightly. Instead of being downright nasty you could have perhaps pointed out that if I stopped making so much effort for my family they would have to give something back in return.

My children have huge wardrobes full of beautiful clothes. I have taken the sensible view that at 6 months of age and 2 years of age they do not NEED these clothes and that they will be perfectly fine in a normal range of clothes from sales, charity shops etc. I now feel guilty about this decision as if I am putting my children second.

I suggest you question why nobody taught you "If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all."



Thank you to all the other MSE-ers for the supportive and encouraging replies I'm just about to read through them again and re-do my SOA with all the tips incorporated!

hereigoagain22

Okay, new SOA looking much healthier -

Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet

Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 2
Number of children in household......... 2
Number of cars owned.................... 1

Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 540
Partners monthly income after tax....... 0 (will be 1200+ from Feb)
Benefits................................ 944 (will drop after Feb but still be better off with OH salary)
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 1484

Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 0
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 305
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 120 (realised only first payment was higher, this will drop to 105 in Apr)
Electricity............................. 176 (far too high - must take readings and find out how much is arrears and what our actual usage is)
Gas..................................... 0
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 0
Telephone (land line)................... 15 (part of sky)
Mobile phone............................ 50
TV Licence.............................. 0
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 15 (part of sky)
Internet Services....................... 10 (part of sky)
Groceries etc. ......................... 330 (joined January grocery challenge to reduce each month)
Clothing................................ 25 (children's only - should be much less than this but budgeting for shoes etc. just incase)
Petrol/diesel........................... 45 (10 per week - reasonable?)
Road tax................................ 15
Car Insurance........................... 49 (should drop again in mar)
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 15
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 0
Childcare/nursery....................... 0
Other child related expenses............ 26 (£6ish per week for toddler group and either swimming or soft play)
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 12 (will switch contact lenses to daysoft immedietely while waiting for specsavers appnt)
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 0
Contents insurance...................... 17
Life assurance ......................... 0
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 30 (childrens birthdays/xmas)
Haircuts................................ 5
Entertainment........................... 35 (£7.50 per week split between the two of us - we will use the 1% challenge and anything we don't use I will transfer to a debt online at the end of each week)
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 15
Total monthly expenses.................. 1310


Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 0
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 500
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 500

No Secured nor Hire Purchase Debts

Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Bank of Scotland OD............1100......40........0
Bank of Scotland Loan..........380.......10........0
Next...........................700.......50........0
Library........................25........0.........0
Paypal.........................60........0.........0
Barclaycard....................70........5.........0
British Gas....................100.......0.........0
Lending Stream.................400.......20........0
Wonga..........................750.......20........0
Total unsecured debts..........3585......145.......-


Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 1,484
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1,310
Available for debt repayments........... 174
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 145
Amount left after debt repayments....... 29

Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 500
Total HP & Secured debt................. -0
Total Unsecured debt.................... -3,585
Net Assets.............................. -3,085

Created using the SOA calculator at https://www.stoozing.com.
Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission, using other browser.

On another positive note - my OH has fixed the fridge freezer, it was too close to the wall and overheating and it seems to be working perfectly, hope it continues this time but will keep saving emergency funds for a new one incase)

Just realised I forgot Greenwoods on the SOA, darn it have to do it again!

Sambucus_Nigra

hereigoagain22 wrote: »

Ouch. You are very rude and very bitter. My son does not have lung problems. He has a swallowing disorder and we were let down by the medical profession. I took him to A&E on 12 different occasions for choking on his feeds and was laughed at and told that babies do not have problems with swalllowing and I am a paranoid mother. It took aspiration pneumonia for them to take us seriously and we were referred to a childrens hospital for video xrays on his swallowing which revealed that he was indeed born with a swallowing disorder and liquid enters his airway. His swallowing disorder is now fully managed with a thickener and his lungs are fine and healthy so do not make presumptions about the health of my "kid" thank you.

Smoking you are right on and I have already made the decision to stop. I feel guilty enough about smoking without you chipping in and making me feel like utter !!!! so thank you. I posted here looking for support not to be talked down to. I would just like to clarify that we have never smoked in the house or around the children, I did not smoke a single cigarette during either of my pregnancies and started again after DS was born because of postnatal depression and anxiety, my partner was sleeping with my friend at the end of my pregnancy and for the first few weeks of my son's life and when I found out I crumbled, I stopped eating and looking after myself, I started smoking and once again I stopped caring about money. I am also being assessed and treated for bipolar disorder and yes I fully admit that it is no excuse but I do use smoking as a way of relaxing and coping. We smoke outside when the children are soundly sleeping in their own beds and I have realised that this must stop.

We spend £25 a month a Sky which I took out in a moment of weakness a few months ago and deeply regret as yes we cannot afford it. However by cancelling it I will still have to pay until the end of the contract in 9months so could you please explain the point of cancelling it now to me? Our "entertainment" budget which includes the gym is £10 per week so £5 per week each. My partner uses this for an hour at the gym and an hour at football because it motivates him and makes him happy so therefore I am happy. I have allocated more than that to activities with the children.

I spend money on fuel to visit my family because I miss them and my daughter asks for her "nanny" and her cousins daily and once a week I oblige by taking her a visit. It is not my fault that my family do not bother their backsides to come and visit me, I am fully aware that they should make more effort. I have already realised and pointed out in my thread that for now money is more of a priority and I will have to limit visits to fortnightly. Instead of being downright nasty you could have perhaps pointed out that if I stopped making so much effort for my family they would have to give something back in return.

My children have huge wardrobes full of beautiful clothes. I have taken the sensible view that at 6 months of age and 2 years of age they do not NEED these clothes and that they will be perfectly fine in a normal range of clothes from sales, charity shops etc. I now feel guilty about this decision as if I am putting my children second.

I suggest you question why nobody taught you "If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all."

Thank you to all the other MSE-ers for the supportive and encouraging replies I'm just about to read through them again and re-do my SOA with all the tips incorporated!

I'm honest. I'm not at all bitter. What have I got to be bitter about? You posted your SOA on and you already said yourself how much you are spending on your fags.

You only want responses that tell you well done for your priorities - then perhaps make that clear in the initial post.

And just because you don't like a response - doesn't mean it's not the advice you really need. Because you really have got your priorities completely round the wrong way.

But as long as you have enough fags, then all is well, eh?

hereigoagain22

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

I'm honest. I'm not at all bitter. What have I got to be bitter about? You posted your SOA on and you already said yourself how much you are spending on your fags.

You only want responses that tell you well done for your priorities - then perhaps make that clear in the initial post.

And just because you don't like a response - doesn't mean it's not the advice you really need. Because you really have got your priorities completely round the wrong way.

But as long as you have enough fags, then all is well, eh?

Yep, all is fine and dandy :-)

Sambucus_Nigra

hereigoagain22 wrote: »

Yep, all is fine and dandy :-)

There you go then. All is well.

WantToBeSE

Hereigoagain,
Your new SOA looks loads better

I like the idea of funding the Entertainment section via increasing your income in other ways- i understand how vital it is to have entertainment, especially when you are depressed. Sometims just buying a £5 DVD is enough to cheer me up.

Well done for reducing the childrens clothing. It's hard, i understand it, but in 20years time they wont remember what clothes they wore, they'll remember that they were (are) loved and looked after- and it certainly looks like you are doing that.

i hope you dont think i was nagging you in regards to the smoking- i know how hard it is to quit.

Merry Christmas

notanewuser

To put it into perspective, OP, as I have a 2 year old DD as well, OH and I have a high income (take home around £5k per month between us). I'd say that 90% of DDs clothes, since birth, have been second hand or less than half price sales. I tend to stick to monsoon, next and baby gap as they fit beautifully and still look new even second hand and don't go overboard on the number.

Spending less on her clothes means I can take her to lots of activities - swimming £3 a week, music class £6 a week, dance class £6.50 per week (plus 2 lunches at about £8-10 for us both). I know other children that are sat in the house day in day out because mum and dad can't afford activities, but they're dressed in beans new clothes!

Have to agree that your smoking isn't doing you or your children any good financially or health wise. It's great to be able to be a mum and spend time with them, but at the same time you're damaging all of you.

[Deleted User]

£360 pa, for children's presents, seems a bit high, given they are only 6 months and 2 years.